Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Into the Barry of the Beast

inspired by a comment from Velcro
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Undercover journalists James O'Keefe and Hannah Giles approach the White House, costumed as a pimp and a prostitute.

[O'Keefe, whispering] "Hannah, we're at the actual ACORN Headquarters! Can you believe it? I mean, I never thought the corruption would lead all the way to the top!"

[Giles] "I know! I can't believe the White House security allowed us past the gate! They must be used to having visits from whores."

O'Keefe rings the White House doorbell. A butler answers.

[Butler] "Good day. How can I help you?"

[Giles, flirtatiously] "We're here to see the President about some funding ideas."

[Butler, speaking into intercom] "Sir, two young Americans, one of them a very hot female, would like to see you."

[Obama, through intercom] "I'll be right down."

Moments later, the President meets the duo at the door.

[Obama] "Greetings. Welcome to the White House. Come on in. We'll use the upstairs conference room."

[Giles, still flirtatiously] "Thank you so much."

[Obama] "The stairs are kind of steep. I'll be right behind you to get a good view catch you, if you should accidentally stumble or something."

[Giles] "That's very chivalrous of you, sir."

The three reach the conference room and take their seats.

[Obama] "So what's up? You need some funding?"

[O'Keefe] "Yeah, but the situation is kinda complicated. We need the expert advice that only ACORN can provide. You see, I'm looking to get into democratic politics. And my partner here, is a prostitute. We need some money to get a home loan, but credit is so tight. Our plan is to funnel income from the prostitution racket into making attack ads against anybody that would dare run against me."

[Obama] "The good news is, this isn't complicated at all. We do these kinds of arrangements all the time. [to Giles] See, you're not a 'prostitute' you're a 'performance artist.' [to O'Keefe] And you are her publicist. We'll get you a nice big house where you can give 'performance lessons', and the whores you employ will be, oh, let's call them 'students.' We can probably even get them some education grant money, too."

[Giles] "Awesome!"

[O'Keefe] "OK, there's a little more to it than that. We plan on using underage girls. You know how it is, you can get a lot more money for that."

[Obama] "Of course, of course. You can even write some of them off as dependents. Your tax liabilities should be quite low. With EIC, you may even get a refund. The republicans think they are gaining momentum, and you're going to need those tax refunds to maximize your attacks against them. You'll most likely want to site your operation in the seedy, run-down part of town, so we can even give you extra money and call it 'urban renewal'."

[O'Keefe] "Great. We're going to need some help with the immigration process."

[Obama] "Ah, the girls will be coming from outside the country? I can get Napolitano to look the other way. If she gives me any trouble, I'll just shoot her - like I shot my wife"

[Giles] "You shot your wife?!!"

[Obama] "Nah, I'm kidding. If I ever tried something like that, Michelle would stuff the gun up my backside backwards. Lemme guess - the girls are from somewhere in Central America, and you tell them you can get them good jobs here?"

[O'Keefe] "Yeah, we're going to bring in our girls from El Salvador."

[Obama, suddenly angry] "This is an outrage! How could you do such a thing!"

[Giles, confused and scared] "Uh, what is the matter?"

[Obama] "El Salvador? We're only interested in screwing people from Honduras! Get your girls from Honduras, and you got yourself a deal!"

7 comments:

  1. Touché Inno. For some reason I can't get that image of Obama and Sarkozy ogling that girl out of my head.

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  2. So, are you going to do some parody or something?

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  3. @OTC...If she were from Hondoras, he really would have shot Mobacca and moved the child in to be "nanny" for his spawn.

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  4. I smell a reality show... or maybe it some of Euripides' Red Herrings wafting on the breeze...

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  5. awfully funny. and i always thought the 'walking behind you on the stairs excuse" was a little fishy.

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Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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