|More guilty than Denver the Dog|
Ladies and gentlemen of the media, thank you for coming to this press conference. First of all, it needs to be understood that I have the mental faculties of an amphibian. More specifically, a green tree toad. This level of acute stupidiosity more than meets both the legal and medical thresholds of a Disability. It further needs to be understood that I am an American with a disability, and fall under the protection of the Americans with Disabilities Act. This act makes it a crime to discriminate against those with disabilities, and requires that reasonable accommodations be made for those with disabilities.
Congressman Issa and Senator Cornyn have not complied with the ADA. They have violated my civil rights. In a most discriminant manner, they have demanded that I produce thousands and thousands of documents. Neither have they allowed for the reasonable accommodation I need: Time. It must be understood that a person - who lacks the smarts of a salamander born with fetal alcohol syndrome - can't possibly oversee such a vast network of agencies and operations and also produce all these documents instantaneously. I need time. More specifically, I need until Wednesday, November 7.
Additionally, Congressman Issa and Senator Cornyn used that tone when addressing me. It is self-evident that any person who would be snotty to a retard is a hate-filled hater. This alone is enough to warrant a Hate Crimes investigation. But also, because I hate them. I will be issuing a warrant for their arrest later today.
And finally, as a person with a disability, I ask for the reasonable accommodation of a wheelchair ramp so I can get the wheelbarrow full of documents up to the industrial shredder. Thank you.
UPDATE: IMAO links! Thanks! and now at The Big Feed, too!