Comment(s) of the Week

Andy says this one's been going around, but I hadn't heard it yet:

Solution to the problem in Libya: They want a new Muslim leader. I say, give them ours.

A few posts back I received:

I don't just reach into the fridge and grab, either. Not that there's anything necessarily wrong with dog food; I'd swear I caught a hint of coriander root as it was in the microwave

 In the context of the whole comment it makes total sense. But on its own it sounds really, well, a little too Charlie Sheen which is why it cracked me up.  So I'll leave skip the attribution for now. 

Y'all are awesome!

To Arms! No, not here. In Libya.

Jay Carney is out there telling us that nothing is decided yet, but pResident Peace Prize has already signed off on arming the rebels in Libya.  Yeah, well, arming the mujahadeen in Afghanistan was all fun-n-games while they were shooting down Soviet helicopters but then a funny thing happened...  They morphed into the Taliban and Al-Qaeda and turned those guns on us.  But things are different, now.  We have The One on our side so, no worries, right?  If everything goes to crap he can always go to Cairo and give another speech.  It'll all be cool.

Most US States: No private ownership of full-auto weapons, period

Class III States like Oregon:  Full-auto allowed if the gun was manufactured prior to 1986 and you pay $200 per year per gun for the Class III permit.

Psycho Al-Qaeda-linked muzzies killing each other in the desert:  "Here's your boatload of free machine guns and ammo, courtesy of the American taxpayers.  Enjoy!"

As heard on Lars Larson

RINO, as insults go, has kinda been used up.  And some RINOs are worse than others.  For the worst of the worst a caller suggested

Democrat
In
Repulican
Territory


DIRT.

I like it.  Spread it around.  Just don't get any on your good pants or mom will get mad.

Blogger weirdness - is it just me?

I'm a caveman that still uses Blogger's "Follow" feature. I'm getting a craplot of stuff from writers-images.blogspot.com appeaing in the right-hand pane of the "blogs I'm following"even though I've never followed them.  It appears to be random junk, much if it a couple years old and in sketchy English.  No such blog appears in the left-hand pane so I can't unfollow them.

So they've either:
1. figured out how to insert their feed into my list;
2.  Hijacked and renamed one of the legitimate blogs I follow;
or,
3. Google/Blogger is just all temporarily confunkulated.

I haven't heard of #1 being an issue but it wouldn't surprise me if somebody figured out how to do it.  Both #2 and #3 seem pretty believable to me, because the blogger help forums are all lit up with complaints right now about blogjacking and being mislabeled as a spamblog and shut down.

Anyway, if you're a Blogger user I'd recommend you do a backup.  Export a copy of your blog and save a copy of your template.  Then eat a marachino cherry while dancing the macarena counterclockwise, just to make sure.

¡Gracias, Senatores de Oregón!

Gracias, Senators of Oregon.  We are very pleased that you overlook our illegal status and give us the in-state tuition price.  When we go by the OSU and see all the new beeldings being built and all the more students come in each year so it be so crowded, we think for sure that you not pass this beel.  But you listen to the RINO Frank Morse and think it is buena idea to give us more after already spending much dinero on our K-12 education.  We think Frank Morse is a great hombre.  Especially that he geev us cheaper college than he geev to people in Idaho or Washington that are barely even outside the Oregon even though they are legal.  Yay for Frank Morse!

What is even more hilarioso is that we go to the OSU anyway even before this.  After you geev us all the financial aid and we get muy borracho and sleep with your girls we drop out.  Then we steal deefrent ID and not pay back the financial aid.  So it no matter how much you charge for the tuition.  We no pay either way.  But it is kind of you to give us even more preference. 

Kinetic Military Action Figures

Dear Mattel,

My name is innominatus and I grew up with Mattel products.  I enjoyed them through my entire youth.  Well, except when my mom would redden my butt with a piece of your orange Hot Wheels^TM track.  That stuff stings like the dickens but I'm sure you already know that.

Anyway, now that war is a thing of the past, little boys and Rachel Maddow will need new action figures to play with.  Below is a rough conceptual drawing of my idea.

These are kinetic military action figures - the toy of the future.  From left to right:

• Nurse Wretched Pelosi.  Rank: Major.  She has a red cross emblazoned on the front of her uniform so people know she's a nurse and not a demon.  Her specialty is ramming healthcare down the throats of wounded kinetic military action figures.  The oversize sunglasses are removable but it is recommended they be left in place as they hide most of the stretchmarks on her face.
• Sheriff Joe Biden.  He is actually a PFC but prefers to be called 'Sheriff.'  His gun is loaded with blanks but he doesn't care because he looks cool with it.
• Sawgeant Bawney.  Shown reclining on optional knapsack.  Does his best work when operating in the rear echelon.
• Odmiral Obama.  Commander of the kinetic military action figures.  This figure is double jointed so he can bend in any direction and assume any posture or position at any time.
• Not shown:  Corporal Huckabee.  Looks, acts and sounds just like Gomer Pyle.

My proposal is to license these figures to Mattel in exchange for half the profits derived from selling them.  I strongly recommend that you accept these terms.  If you refuse, I will sic my team of shyster lawyers on you, to sue you for the pain and suffering my mom applied to my bratty azz with your Hot Wheels^TM track.

Losing followers and other non-politcal random stuff

Topped out at 87 followers a couple weeks ago, but now I'm down to 82.  Maybe I should go back to my old brand of deodorant.

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Dunno why windshield washer fluid comes in such big jugs.  It takes me a couple years to go through a gallon of that junk.  So there's a half-empty jug of it sitting on the counter in my master bathroom, and it's been there about 6 months.  Having a jug of windshield washer fluid sitting on my bathroom counter for 6 months doesn't make me weird, does it?

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Youngest stepkid is looking to move out as soon as her tax refund shows up.  Hallelujah!  Should be any day now.  Unfortunately, oldest stepkid got rotten grades last term so the powers-that-be declined to renew his financial aid...  Which means he doesn't have rent money...  Which means he needs to move back in with us for a while until he leaves town next month to start a job he has lined up... Which means if that tax refund doesn't come in SOON I'll have 5 adults, 2 toddlers and 2 big dogs in my 3br place...  Which means when you check this blog you'll only see bullet holes on your screen because I've totally lost it!

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So I bought a couple rat traps (not the "humane" live ones, the NASTY ones, hee hee) and set them under the house to try to stop that scratching noise.  No bites.  Hmmmm....  Then a couple nights ago there was a noise that sounded like it was coming from the laundry room.  Further investigation revealed that the noise was coming from under the bathtub in the adjacent bathroom.  I stomped on the tub and then heard a scurrying noise UP the inside of the wall!  I popped open the access to the upper crawlspace (not a proper attic, just rafters and insulation) and found rodent poo.  Dang!  When I bought the rat traps the clerk said they'd been selling the heck out of them as the whole area is seeing a lot of infestation.  So it looks like MAXRedline was right when he suggested that it could be a rat.  I'd never even heard of them being a problem around here, but I should have known better than to doubt MAX.  He's pretty much always right about everything.  :)  So I scattered some yummy, yummy rat poison in the crawlspace.  So far nothing else seen or heard yet.  Hopefully the critter (rat or otherwise) took the bait somewhere else and isn't presently festering somewhere in my walls.  Ugh.

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As of a couple days ago, the weatherman said it was the 7th wettest March on record here, with still a week to go.  I think the rats are just looking for higher ground.

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This space reserved for good news if there ever is any...

Oregon is great except when it sucks

From oregonlive.com by way of Instapundit comes a way-too-intimate look at Oregon's "First, um, couple" at the National Governors Association meeting in DC. I don't really expect you to read the oregonlive story.  But it is kind of funny in that "makes you want to give somebody a swirly" kind of way.  It is so loaded with annoyances and absurdities that commenters there are wondering whether it is satire. 

To those not in the know, Governor Kitzhaber is shacking up with a young'un named Cylvia (who all-too-gladly includes a pic of herself in a very backless gown).  Maybe the idea of the governor living in sin is bothersome to you; maybe you don't care.  But Cylvia has been making FAT BANK on government contracts for the last several years.  When asked when/if she and the Gov would marry, she said that wasn't happening because then she wouldn't be able to bid on all those LUCRATIVE GOVERNMENT CONTRACTS.  Maybe the First Lady Shack-Up-Honey getting to bid is bothersome to you; maybe you don't care.  Maybe you're just danged freaking glad you don't live in Oregon.

By the end of the article, Cylvia is even comparing herself to Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.  If you don't read the article you should at least bookmark it for those occasions when you need to induce vomiting.

Barry pressing press conference

You!  Yeah, you!  Don't talk to me like that!  I'm like, important and stuff.

[White House Press Secretary Jay Carney] "Sorry I'm late.  Things have been a little crazy around here."

[reporter] "Where's Obama?  Where's Gibbs?  And who are you?  You look like, like you're barely old enough to be a shift manager at Arby's and you're standing behind that podium?"

[Carney] "Taking your questions in order, The President is still outside the White House.  He's not technically locked out, it's just that Hillary was in a bad mood so she went around the sticking her claws in the keyholes and breaking the tips off so the keys wouldn't go in.  Gibbs resigned a couple months ago.  I'm the press secretary now.  And, yes, I am old enough to be a shift manager.  In fact I'm the assistant store manager.  I still smell like roast beef - you can come up here and take a sniff if you don't believe me - I haven't had a chance to shower because, like I said, it has been crazy around here."

[another reporter] "When will Obama talk to us about the war in Libya?"

[Carney, using "scare quotes"] "What war in Libya?  It's not a war.  It is a 'kinetic military operation.'  This is one of those 'overseas contingencies' where we have to deal with a 'man-caused disaster' by way of a 'kinetic military operation.' "

[another reporter] "What's this about giving away our missile tech to Russia?  We've spent billions of dollars developing this, and now we're going to just hand it over?"

[Carney] "Russia is a partner in peace.  We do nice things for our partners in peace.  Besides, Putin said he'd judo-slam Obama into the thorniest rose in the Rose Garden if we don't.  And billions of dollars?  Why are you acting like that is some kind of big deal?  It was mostly funded with money borrowed from China, so we'll probably just give it to them, too.  And it'll get the Nobel Committee to chill about revoking Obama's Peace Prize.  We all know how important that is."

[press corps] **stunned silent disbelief**

[Carney] "Doesn't anybody want to talk about the NCAA Tournament?"

Take a humor break

If you're a snooty highbrow NPR listener you should stay away from this video that Jihad Gene has up.  The rest of you will likely find it quite funny.

Dancing in the ruins

Mysterious carved image gazing off to the far left

Field reporter Wi Hung Lo reporting for innominatus news

pResident Obama returned home to the USA today to face a gathering storm of muddled Libyan policies, fears of radioactive fallout, and as-yet-unplayed golf courses.  The First Lady and kids are still touring South and Central America and are expected back in a few more days.  While visiting some ancient Mayan ruins, an Obama child speaking on conditions of anonymity said "it's a lot better when daddy's not around.  We don't have to keep explaining things to him over and over."

After a visit to Teotihuacan, "The place where gods are born" the other Obama child asked "So this is where daddy was born?  I thought you said he was Hawaiian!  I'm so confused!"  Wrapping up the tour, the First Family visited the ancient stone statues left by the Moronian Empire on Keister Island.  The guide explained "Nearby, Easter Island has become famous for giant carved heads made from stone.  This recently discovered island has similar carvings, but ground-penetrating radar reveals that beneath the swelled heads are small, spindly bodies.  None have yet been excavated, but is conjectured that the inhabitants of the island threw like girls and therefore were unable to defend themselves." 

Tweetings from South America

Only the brave and pure of heart may click to enlarge

UN/NATO to strike Libya?

The roof, the roof of Libya's on fire

We don't need no water, let the...

So the Euros finally feel like doing something about the madman.  Fine.  I have no major problems with the French and others riding to the rescue of the rebels.  But as far as I'm concerned, this whole clusterf is not worth ONE SINGLE AMERICAN CASUALTY!

I suppose I "should" care more about the human suffering going on there.  But... I just don't care that much...  I s'pose that makes me some kind of "Cold Heartless Bastard"^TM.   Call me what you will.  I'm convinced that these rebels who are now begging the West to pull their butts out of the sandtrap are the same people who used to ululate and cheer and shoot their AKs in celebration of every downed airliner or bombed disco club.  I'm further convinced that once the West pulls their butts out of the sandtrap, they will quickly revert to these disgusting behaviors. 

Unmanned drone aircraft?  I'm OK with that.  Ramming a cruise missile right up the Colonel's tentflap?  I'm VERY OK with that.  But not one American boot on the ground or one American pilot put in peril of being shot down.  These barbarians aren't worth any more of our blood.

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UPDATE:

I am now a blogging celebrity.  At least for the moment...

Google has me in the top 2 or 3 (depending on wording) for this topic.  Adjust your opinions of me accordingly.

Barry's March Madness Bracket

Click to McBiggify

UPDATE:
DANG IOWAHAWK! I wish his posts had timestamps to prove mine was firsties!!!

Defense and Transportation merger

[Obama] "In light of our continuing budget problems and inability to rein in the deficit, I have deigned to come down from above the fray and announce an important merger:  Effective immediately, the Cabinet departments of Defense and Transportations shall be merged.  Stop and think...  Managing logistics is a crucial component of modern warfare.  Maintain troop diversity, you know, the proper ratios of gay/straight, white/minority, etc, is very challenging.  As is delivering the halal MRE's to our faithful soldiers that only eat halal.  Such critical issues can only be solved by an enormous bureaucracy.  Thankfully, we already have one in place that can step right in to fill the void.  Heading this new combined department will be Neil Goldschmidt, the former Secretary of Transportation under Carter, Governor of Oregon, and Mayor of Portland.  Anybody who has managed to get away with what he has gotten away with deserves a place on my Cabinet.  Unfortunately he is unable to join us at this announcement, however, the #2 at this new department is here.  He's like an Admiral or something, and there are some other supporters we'd like to hear from...

[Admiral] "Thank you, Mr. President.  Though it may seem an unlikely marriage, we are already finding new and exciting synergies we can make much use of.  For a while, the Navy has been working on a very powerful railgun.  And Transportation has had a fetish for high-speed rail.  So why not a high-speed railgun?  It makes so much sense.  For decades, the difficulty of defending against inbound missiles has been described as 'hitting a bullet with a bullet'.  So now we've changed the game entirely.  It is now 'hitting a bullet with a bullet train' and the odds of success are much higher."

[Greenie eco-guy] "Plus, the power of the railgun is astounding.  It can launch the bullet train all the way across town in about 2.5 seconds.  This allows me an extra few minutes in the morning to smoke up my wake-n-bake bowl before heading out to my shift at the co-op.  That is, when we miss the missile.  When we hit the missile, all aboard die in a violent crash - but it knocks that awful polluting missile out of our pristine skies, so it's worth it."

[Corporate fatcat] "Not only that, the fiery launch burns the mange and most of the stink right off these hippies.  When they arrive at the co-op to rinse the manure off the organic eggplant, you can hardly smell that patchoulli."

[Obama] "There you have it.  This will save taxpayers billions of dollars and manages to please every interest group.  This is what you can look forward to on those rare occasions that I step up and lead."