Monday, April 23, 2012

Life gets in the way

Bad weekend.  Screwball stepson is in jail, screwball daughter-in-law got evicted so we have two granddaughters running amok in the house and other assorted chaos.  I haven't had time or the quiet to do any recording.  But I don't want this project to start getting stale, so here's the music and below are the suggested lyrics.  If I get a chance to record my (horrible) singing, I add that as an update - but if somebody wants to start on this I'm making it all available.  Please sing a couple words before and a couple words after the lines you're doing, so I can blend them all together. Heck, you can do the whole song if you want.  The more of your singing there is, the less there has to be of mine.  That's a Good Thing.  Also, if anybody can do a soulful "Whoa-oh-oh" kind of thing, that'd be cool.  Think "Great Gig in the Sky" but more "cheery, major-key" and less "minor-key, passing a bladder stone" to see what I mean.

There comes a time when we need a certain kennel
When bloggers must come together as one
There are doggies frying
And its time to lend a paw to life,
the greatest gift of all

We can't go on pretending day by day
That somehow barry's dining habits will soon change
Dogs are all a part of God's great big family
And the truth, you know,
Alpo is all we need

[Chorus, variation 1]
    We don't eat dogs, we're not Indonesian
    Wagging tails make a brighter day
    So lets evict him
    There's a choice we're making
    We're saving poor Bo's life
    Its true we'll make a better day
    Eat a cow instead

Send him your heart, so Bo will know that someone cares
That his life will not end up as Bo Paté
Barry has shown us, by causing dogs to dread
Being eaten, we need to lend a helping hand

[Chorus, variation 2]
    We don't eat dogs, they're friends of children
    We like it when they bark
    And their tails are waggin'
    Dogs don't taste like bacon
    They don't go good with fries
    Its true we'll make a better day
    Bo can run free

Doggies are down and out, there seems no hope at all
But if you just believe there's no way we can fall
Let us realize that a change can only come
In November, when we kick out this bum!

[Chorus, v1]
[chorus, v2]

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Need help for parody of We Are the World *UPDATED*

I've just started on my next parody song, "We don't eat dogs" to the tune of We Are the World.  In the comments of the thread below, Manhattan Infidel insisted on singing.  He's probably kidding, but maybe not.  But it gets me to thinking... It would be EPICALLY AWESOME if everybody in our little corner of the blogosphere contributed a line or two, as was done in the original.  So, step up, people! 

If you are worried about your singing ability, don't.  I'll be singing on this too, guaranteeing that you WON'T be the worst singer involved.  I can even leave ya out of the credits if you like.  This will be fun, and I'll do all the pain-in-the-butt editing and mixing.  All you gotta do is sing  (as many or as few lines as you like) and record it on your computer.  Windows comes with basic recording abilities; I'm sure Mac does, too.  Or you can download Audacity if you want to tinker with your sound.  Then send me the file.  Easy-peasy!

Drop a comment or hit my email (in the right blog column under "contact innominatus") to get aboard!


Harvey raises good questions in the comments.  My plan is to finish the lyrics and sing the whole thing through, for timing's sake.  Then I'll send my audio files to other participants.  These others can sing any part they like, using my suggested lyrics or those of their own choosing.  Then I'll graft their vocals into the mix.  I'll post the lyrics here and color code them so people know what parts have been done and what is still needed.  I just set a new speed record for "last bite at the New China Buffet" to "violent trip to the bathroom" in just 35 minutes so I'm done fiddling with this project for the night.  I'll have more for ya tomorrow...

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Urgent Appeal from Bo the Dog

SENT: April 19, 2012 (secure smtp port110 mailerdaemon)

OK. heerz the deel.  I barely know portugeez but it is hard what with that ç letter they uze all the time and the leading r that soundz like h so "rusty" sounds like "hoosty" and my engrish is bad two.  So please be understandful.  Also I am hiding in closet.  It is dark in heer and it is reely hard to use trackpad on this stupid MacBook Pro when one has hairy paws.

I dont dare to try uze desktop PC even tho mouse is eazier than trackpad for dog.  Because iff they find me I am toast.  Or maybe I will end up on toast.  So I hide in closet to send the pleading mail to you.  Barry said once he come out of closet he no go back in so I think safe here.  For now.

I may be not smart enuff for MENSA.  But I could do more better than that Gytner dork at Treasury.  I can add to and to and no that it equals for.  Barry say things like "this arugula is very good" and then he say "Bo, you are very good dog."  Barry say "Bobo, I love the way you wagyu tail" and then say "I love wagyu beef."  I can take a hint.  I know I soon end up BBQ.  I knead your helps.

To make me escape, I will need from you:
1.  2 k's of cocaine and some colombian hookers to distract secret service.  If colombian no available, Kardashian acceptable substitute.
2.  Plane ticket to someplace that no eat dogs.  Rooftop car carrier will work but prefer to fly.
3.  Green Card and cash to bribe that rotten illegal bastard Jaime the guatemalan who tend the white house garden.  He always yell at me for pooping in roses.  He will rat me out unless bribed.
4.  Fake ID to create new identity.  Available in tag form at most pet stores or engraving companies.

Please to hurry with this before next State Dinner if you know what I mean!!!1!

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Best .GIF ever? (or: Why I love Israel)

The Israelites...  They preserved the Word of God for thousands of years.  They brought forth the Savior.  And they don't take no gruff offa no hippies.

Hungry?  How 'bout a tasty M4 sandwich?

I found that buried in the IMAO comments yesterday.  For background, you can watch the whole vid.  Basically, some liberal westerners and some palestinians formed their own little version of Critical Mass (Critiq Al-Mazz?) on an Israeli highway.  The IDF handled it appropriately.  And I, with a broad perma-grin, have been staring hypnotically at that .GIF for hours.


I'd yell "Cry 'havoc!' and let slip the Dogs of War!" but barry would probably eat them.


Like so many other things, this whole "Romney put his dog on the roof of his car!" thing has exploded in the libs' faces like that time when I was a kid and my moron friend put a firecracker in a pile of dog doo.


Ever wonder why dems are always clamoring about more gun control?  'Cuz they keep shooting themselves in the foot.  Between the "War on Women", this dog deal and the attack on Ann Romney, the dems have accomplished the impossible:  They have turned me into an enthusiastic Romney supporter.  OK, not enthusiastic enough to, like, send him a campaign contribution, but you know what I mean... 


This election cycle's most damaging chart?


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