Don't know what else to do

My pastor's wife and blog-rival Patti has passed me up in "followers" again.  I've been stuck on 63 for a while, and last I saw she was up to 65.  She blogs mostly about girly stuff - babies, scrapbooking, friends, etc,  **shudder** which I guess is ok if you're into that kind of stuff.  Personally, I think friends and babies are WAY overrated and the world would be a better place without them.  But I gotta admit that it gets traffic.  Unlike my blog.  It gets nuttin'.  If everybody who comes here left me a dollar, I'd still have to raid the change in my car's ashtray to buy a Happy Meal.  Sad, really.  One would think that blogging about Chris Dodd's halitosis and posts about lighting hippies on fire would be a winning recipe.  Nope.

What to do?  Well, Patti had a traffic bonanza the other day by playing matchmaker.  Hmmm... What keeps me from doing the same thing?  Nothing! So what if I'm a loner with misanthropic tendencies - that shouldn't preclude me from offering relationship advice.  I am an excellent judge of character!  So, tell me what you're looking for in a relationship, and what you have to offer.  I'll plug that info into my patented Compatibility Matrix and get you hooked right up with the person of your dreams.  Best of all, this service is free!

New workout regimen

Seems like the dolts in DC have managed to keep their flub-ups out of the news so far today. Not much to snark about. So, let's talk a little about me! Yay!

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I am lazy. Well, for a guy that works two jobs, that is. The closest I come to getting real exercise is when I scoot in my little roll-y office chair from one computer all the way across my workspace to the other computer about 10' away.

Since I've pretty much mastered that, I think I'll stop spraying Tri-Flow on the chair wheels. You know, just to allow a little more friction. That's called resistance training. Oooh, I can feel the burn in my quadriceps already starting!

And the Gold Medal goes to...

Anyway, I whined enough earlier about my ideas being used before I could post them. Then I thought I had another pretty good idea about the left trying to spin this unspinnable gigafail - only to find out that they actually are spinning this as a positive. What else is left? I got nuttin' that ain't already been done by others, so here are a few of them: (for new web users, forgetful people, or total idiots: clicky the pic-y to for biggie version)

Obviously, this is from Fail Funnies

(Meh, link broke. Oh well. It says "Hey look at me, I'm an attention whore!"





This one is from Ace










This one is from a funny site I just bumped into today, called Op-Toons.






This vid from iOTW has also been making the rounds.

National Insult Your Readers Day!

One time many, many years ago when I was in high school, the shifter in my '69 Camaro got screwed up. It was stuck in two gears at once. Letting the clutch out caused the whole car to tense up like something was going to explode. I finally figured it what was going on, but I had to crawl under the car and burn myself on the headers and pull on the shifter linkage to get it into neutral. Everything was fine after that. Well, at least until the next thing broke, which was probably only a day or two later.

I feel the same way right now. My mind is racing in several different directions, but I can't seem to get into a forward gear and write anything. Just all tensed up, ready to explode. All I can think of is "hey, maybe you should insult your readers or something!" So here goes:

May the body lice of a thousand ACORN staffers infest your armpits!

There. I feel better already!

Struggles of a part-time blogger

It seems I've injured my funny bone. I've been unable to come up with much lately. Over the weekend I started a barry good story about Biden revealing classified information. But it really really stunk so I never posted it. Then I had some thoughts brewing in my head about the White House Press Corps banquet, but Jim Treacher beat me to it. After that I kind of hit a brick wall. I need some ideas.

The Wanda Sykes thing might have some possibilities. So might Obama's speech to Notre Dame. Of course Pelosi's lies and delusions are still making the news, so that's worth considering. But I'm looking for suggestions here. Doesn't have to be any of these things I've mentioned - get creative. I just need a little kernel of an idea to start building on, 'cuz I'm not getting very far on my own lately. Head to the comments and help a guy out.
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UPDATE:
Well, this post has been up for nearly 24 hours. So far a whole lotta' nuttin' from my readers. So, I see how it is - no help whatsoever. It's all on me. Fine. I'm a Rugged Individualist. I can handle it. I'll get by, 'cuz that's what I do. Maybe I'll even come up with something good to post for you all. But I'll remember this next time you want to borrow five bucks or a healthy, functioning kidney. Believe me on that one!