Sunday, January 23, 2011

Your coolness has been measured and found lacking

A young couple in my church gave birth yesterday to their first child.  A boy.  9lbs 13oz.  They named him Patton David.

Patton David...  Two of history's most illustrious buttkickers.  Nazi-busting giant slayer.

Try.  Try as hard as you want.  For as long as you want.  Wear yourself out trying to be as cool as a kid named Patton.  You'll never even come close to being that cool.  Sorry if that bursts your bubble.  Now, go and get along with your cool but not quite Patton-cool existence.


  1. Much truth their, but the lad does have big shoes to fill.

  2. If the little one shoots high due to his knowing that he has big shoes to fill then he will do just fine.

  3. He'll be called Pat for short. G a y...

  4. There's power in that name LOOONG time!!!

  5. Hey, that little guy is half grown already! Good on the parents for
    picking a name they wanted rather than something from "100 Boy Names"

  6. That's a good name for a kid!

    And to think I was going to name my first child "Ringo."

  7. That is a cool name.

    I, on the other hand, was named in a San Diego bar after Terry Moore, a Howard Hughes paramour who entertained my father ( and other sailors) in Korea in an ermine bikini. What does this portend for me? Or do I want to think about that?

  8. In 100 years, Patton will literally mean 'Nazi-Busting'.

    As in, "Hitler would've taken over Europe had it not been for a punch of tough pattons from America.

  9. There are so many names out there. I couldn't pull the trigger on a cool name until #5, Reagan Alexander. It's not Patton, but we like it.

    Patton on the first shot - how do you follow that up?

  10. I, on the other hand, was named in a San Diego bar after Terry Moore, a Howard Hughes paramour...

    We have a WINNER!

    I claim the Booby Prize... My parents had a twisted sense of humor. I'm Norman, my sister is Norma; there are just the two of us. I don't think I would have been convicted if I'd have burned down the family manse with them in it.

  11. Patton scared the poo out of the fascists. So I have high hopes for this kiddo.


Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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