Monday, January 3, 2011

Hear ye, hear ye!

On this third day in the Year of our Lord Two Thousand Half-score and One, proclaim in all the realm these Resolutions for the New Year:

Be it resolved, that I will become the funniest right-of-center blogger in the known universe.  Note that I don't plan on writing more posts or funnier posts.  'Cuz that sounds hard.  I think it would be easier to just chainsaw all the people that are funnier than me until I am #1.  I'm all about taking the easy way.  Nothing personal, Odie, but would you happen to have any 2 stroke oil I can borrow for my saw?

Be it resolved, that I really will post more.  Gonna aim for 1/day.  But it is already Jan 3 so I'm already behind by a couple posts.  Dang. 

Be it resolved, that I will link my blogfriends more often.  'Cuz there's nothing more exciting than getting linked by some nobody who's lucky to get 25 hits a day on his own blog.  I don't think there's a word yet in our language that means "the total polar opposite of an Insta-lanche" so "getting linked by innominatus" will have to do for now.  As an example of this new policy, check out this vid at the top of the post that A Man of Wonder put up a couple days ago.  While I don't live in Portland, I do live in a college town that isn't far (enough) away from Portland so I have to deal with the same kind of people.  I'll accept your pity via paypal.

Be it resolved, that I will be more thankful towards those who link to me.  Like, just last week I caught linkage from Andy and Six and possibly others.  Thankfully the pharmacist says he has a salve that will help. 

Lastly, be it resolved that I will continue my relentless mockery and denigration of liberals with an ever-increasing fervor, zeal, and intensity.  Except when I'm not feeling up to it.


  1. Here I am checking up on the competition for the funnier of blogs. Just when I came here to really bad mouth you, you link to me ... Sooo splat, here's your oil. But don't take the oil to Portland. You do know what they do with it there, don't you?

    Thank You oh king of Funny (that really hurt to type that).

  2. Be it resolved that Innominatus will continue on his noble mission of truth, justice, the American way, denigrating liberals and NOT pining away for Sarah Jessica Parker!

    Hear ye! Hear ye!

  3. Dude, you're so WRONG! There is a word to describe the polar opposite of "Instalanche." (I've been Instlanched by the way, and it was really cool to see 6,800 visitors within a couple of hours. And, it was a valuable post, too.)

    The term we use to describe it is "Andylanched." I done it to you, and I'm iz sorry! It's a poisoned pill that is guaranteed to drive your traffic through the floor.

    Trust me, I know.

    Please forgive.

    As to the posting more...well, as one puny globber I can give this sage (unaxed for) advice...

    Nah! Just post when the spirit moves you. Your stuff is really good. REALLY, REALLY good. I mean, even if you end up being the Margaret Mitchell of blogging, one "Gone With The Wind" is better than a zillion "Dime Store Romances."

    Trust me, it is.

    Hey man, Happy New Years at ya'!

    I have certainly enjoyed riding along beside ya', and look forward to 2011.

    Trust me, I do.

  4. You're already a couple of orders of magnitude funnier than I am Inno. Don't make me break out the rabid hamster minions.

  5. Lastly, be it resolved that I will continue my relentless mockery and denigration of liberals with an ever-increasing fervor, zeal, and intensity.

    Well, OK. As long as it's funny. I can do that. But I've gone on a strict diet where run-of-the-mill lib'rul bashing, doing-it-just-to-be-doing-it is concerned. We ALL know Obama is an idiot, we ALL know Pelosi is a witch (possible spelling error there, granted), so ENOUGH, already. I swore off all the lib'rul bomb-throwers a couple o' years ago; this year I'm doin' the same to my hyperbolic brothers and sisters on the right.


  6. Holy toledo batman! Another wingnut to join the Oregon Wing Nut Party (all republicans and libertarians welcome!)

    Having had experience with the whopping 6 hits per day (3 of which were our parents), we sympathize :-)

    (Lynn - from Finding

  7. I'm glad I stopped being a humor blogger. I don't like the sound of chainsaws, unless, that is, I'm holding it.

  8. What's weird is that I also made a resolution to "remove" bloggers who are funnier than me. Also smarter. Also people who don't blog but still get under my skin. But don't worry, Inno, it will be quick and painless. I mean as quick and painless as being eaten by a trained walrus can be.

  9. There's no way I could even come close to being as funny as you are, so you're safe from this quarter.

  10. I think you have the honor of being the only blogger I've linked to in Oregon.
    I suppose I should feel some great kinship with you since my wife once lived in Oregon. Or maybe it's because I lived in S. Cal. for a couple of years.
    Come visit my chicken ranch at


Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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