Thursday, January 6, 2011

I had the time of my life...

...telling her to go away.  The other day I got a note in the mail with the exciting news that my household had been selected to partake in a gov't funded survey about health insurance, availability, yadda, yadda, snore...

The note said to expect somebody from RTI who was contracted by Barry and The Man to conduct this oh... so...vital... research.  "And be sure to ask for photo ID!  If they don't have it, they aren't from RTI!"  So I'm sitting here a few minutes ago, goofing on the computer when the dogs freak out.  Not that that is unusual.  I got up, and could see a silhouette in the window.  I waited a sec to see if ol' neckbone at the door would knock or just stand there.  (Turns out that this is a boring game.)  I got tired of waiting and yanked to door open to be greeted by a startled no-make-up natural-fiber-wearing granola chick.

"Hi!  You must have received the good news about this important survey.  It'll only take a few minutes.  Here's my ID" which she the showed to the dogs as if she were actually being cute.

"We won't be participating"

"But it will only take a few minutes and it is very important!"

"Like I said, we won't be participating."

"But the info we collect will be kept strictly confidential and will ensure that you are being properly represented."

"If I were being properly represented, I wouldn't have gov't survey takers standing on my porch asking me personal questions.  Bye Bye."

"But it will only take a second!"

"The next thing I say will be the magic word that turns you into dog chow.  Goodbye."

"Well, you're a nice one!" as she sneered as she left.

Heh.  Stupid liberal.  They always fall for the "you're gonna be dog chow" trick.


  1. I received a "Green Survey" from the State of Oregon last year. It was coded for my industry, and I can't help but to think, to identify me and my business. They wanted to know what percentage of my business could be considered Green. What my investment plans were, and how important Green was to my decision-making process.

    I kept the survey, thinking that someday I would post the survey questions, and point out how hopelessly moronic the survey was, and how hopelessly moronic the survey results would be. And then, I promptly forgot about it. (I have work and stuff to do.)

    One day, a couple of weeks? months? after, I received a phone call from someone at the state, inquiring why I hadn't turned in my survey results.

    Do I have to do a Perry Mason moment for you?

    I asked why they were calling. Again, I had been sent a survey, and I hadn't responded. I asked, how do you know I didn't respond? She said the responses were tallied against the sample, and my coded response hadn't been received. I asked, if I don't respond, am I in violation of some statute that I'm unaware of? She said, no.

    I said, good-bye.

    On so many levels, this was wrong. Stupid. Intrusive. Perhaps, a violation of my Fourth Amendment rights.

    Government employees don't think of such things. They are doing the State's Work. Not unlike God's Work. Only with a paycheck.


  2. Silly greenhorn. She's cute and sweet until she doesn't get her way. Then the true face of bureaucracy shows its ugly snarl. How dare you assert your rights as a private citizen, Innominatus. I mean, really!

  3. OG and Red - Her surprise at my resistance is telling in itself: it can only mean that the vast majority of my neighbors placidly play along with all this intrusive BS. Sad.

  4. "If I were being properly represented, I wouldn't have gov't survey takers standing on my porch asking me personal questions."


  5. I got the same vibe in my experience. She was off-put by my unwillingness to comply. (This happened more than several months ago, but the content of my memory is accurate enough to relate her surprise that I wouldn't comply.)

    But I get this from the interns that I get calls from wondering whether or not I "used" their recent maunderings (press releases). They are often offended when I tell them that I don't use public relations "press releases." ('t you realise we're working for the end of disease, poverty, inequality, disaster?) (Oh, and my boss needs me to move on this since we're getting paid and you're not.)

  6. The next thing I say will be the magic word that turns you into dog chow. I love it! Should have thought of that the last time the JWs came knocking.

  7. it can only mean that the vast majority of my neighbors placidly play along with all this intrusive BS.

    That is a sad thought indeed.

  8. Jeepers, you get to have ALL THE FUN, DANGIT!

    Why don't nobody never, never, ever come survey me about nuthin'???

    I got a dog and everything. TWO dogs, and one of 'em is real big, too.

    Crud. I just can't catch a break...

  9. Good job Inno but dare say you were way too nice in ridding yourself of an intrusive socialist.

  10. Heh. Ya done good, Inno. That said, it's TOO easy to offend The Perpetually Offended. Which is why they are so named.

  11. You're amazingly patient.

    Last time an Uninvited came to my door, they got 5 words out before I said "No thank you, goodbye" and gently but firmly closed the door.

    It's a mercy, really. Lets them get on about the process of finding someone to talk to who gives a damn.

  12. Someone keeps calling here asking the same thing. My answer is always the same, "If you didn't care about my opinion before you passed that piece of crap, why does it matter now?"

  13. Hippy girls are fun to mess with. I remember I had at the grocery store counter ask me if I wanted paper or plastic. I asked her which one would hut the environment the most, she said plastic. I then looked in in the face, smiled, and said: "Then I'll have the plastic." She was not very happy.


Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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