Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Near Death Experience

Alright, it's hot here. Record heat. OK, every year "they" say record heat but every year it seems to be a record of 103 or 104. Are we keeping track to fractions of a degree? Record Heat Wave! Today's highs expected to be 103.04 degrees, shattering the old mark of 103.03!!

But the heat prompted a cow-irker I mean co-worker to buy a big box of Otter Pops to put in the freezer and share. That was nice. Unfortunately, I hadn't had an Otter Pop since Reagan was president. Kinda forgot how they work. The Otter Pop was pretty much gone, but I thought I'd be able to suck the last bit of coldness out of that thing. Turns out I could - all too well. The crap shot down my throat the wrong way and just about did me in. I coughed so hard I gakked up that housefly that flew down my throat when I was riding my tricycle back in '73. Tunnel-vision was setting in and I knew the Grim Reaper was near at hand. I had mental pictures of GWB and his pretzel experience. I decided right then and there that I had to fight - giving up would be the coward's way. I just couldn't allow my epitaph to read "Found dead sucking on an Otter Pop" so I willed myself to survive. By sheer steely resolve, I made it through the Choke of All Time and lived to tell the tale.

4 comments:

  1. LOL, "The Choke of All Time", I hate that! I especially hate the one where your epiglottis gets lazy and decides your body can breath its own spit. That's always awesome.

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  2. Dude...I woulda just brought in a six-pack, management be damned.

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  3. lol..have some marino's ices..mmmmmmmmmm!

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  4. SNORK! that was hilarious! I have bought some for my girls, 18 and 14, and I, 49, and they disappear pretty quickly.

    I narrowly escaped a nasty brain freeze recently, but the choke thing is actually scary.

    To make this like a famous old Daniel Boone story about a bear, when a little kid asked what happened, Boone looked right at him and said, "that bear caught me and I was killed!"; you could have written this posthumously!

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Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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