Friday, July 31, 2009

Barry Harsh Hangover

[MichelleO, drawing back curtains to let sunlight in] "Wake up, sleepy! That beer a little too much?"

[Obama, covering eyes] "Gaa! My head is pounding! I've never been this hung over in my life!"

[MichelleO] "Yeah, no joke. You drank almost a whole pint of light beer. But you gotta get out of bed."

[Obama] "Nah. I'm calling in sick today."

[MichelleO] "How would you like a nice big bowl of creamstyle corn, with little bits of raw minced oysters in it?"

[Obama, covering mouth. Gets up and dashes to bathroom] "Bjork!" [sounds of sickness]

[MichelleO] "I knew that'd get him out of bed!"

[Obama, returning. Using sleeve of Aquaman pajamas to wipe some yuck off the corner of his mouth] "That was just plain mean."

[MichelleO] "I can't believe your behavior last night!"

[Obama, rubbing forehead] "Wow. I don't remember a thing. I hope it went well."

[MichelleO] "Well, first of all Biden just kind of showed up."

[Obama] "This doesn't sound good."

[MichelleO] "Aw, you ain't heard nothing, yet. When Teddy Kennedy heard alcohol was being served, he just kind of invited himself. Since Crowley and Gates are from Massachusetts, Kennedy brought some of his Boston buddies with him - John Kerry and Barney Frank."

[Obama] "Oh geez. I need an Excedrin really, really bad."

[Rahm E. enters] "Sire, the press corps has questions about the beer summit."

[Obama] "K. I'll be down in a minute."

A few minutes later, in the WH briefing room....

[Jake Tapper] "Mr. President, were you at all shocked by yesterday's events?"

[Obama] "OK, you guys are used to hearing democrats say 'I don't recall' whenever they are in trouble. But this time it is true. I have the worst hangover, and I don't remember anything from yesterday."

[Tapper] "Are you serious? You didn't even finish that first pint!"

[Obama, testy] "So what! It was a hot day! And I was on an empty stomach! Are you saying I'm a lightweight?!?"

[Major Garrett] "Mr. President, any word yet on how much it'll cost to fix the fountain?"

[Obama, blank stare]

[Major] "Sir, after about his 13th beer, Senator Kennedy went for a joyride on the riding lawnmower and crashed it into the water fountain. Thankfully, he is fat and the fountain is shallow - so there was no real risk of drowning - but the fountain got pretty fubar'd."

[Obama] "I'll have to get back with you on that."

[Andrea Mitchell] "Mr. President, has John Kerry turned up anywhere?"

[Obama] "I didn't know he was missing."

[Mitchell] "He said something about being sick of hanging out with 'little people.' Then he said he wanted his medals back and started rummaging around in the hedges by the fence. Nobody has seen him since."

[Obama] "Well, he's not really missed. If he doesn't show up in a month or two, we'll send out a search party."

[Rachel Maddow] "Mr. President, the gay community is very pleased with yesterday's summit. Tell us what it was like to dirty-dance with Barney Frank."

[Obama] "I have no idea what you are talking about, and I resent the question."

[Maddow] "But sir, the vid has already gone viral. It has had almost 9 million views since last night when I posted it."

[Obama] "I need a vacation!"


  1. HAHAHAHA! **Blaaargh*** Uh heh ha hahaha!

  2. [Obama] "Nah. I'm calling in sick today."

    One problem-- he's been doing it for six months

  3. Nicely done, sir. I really wish that video were real, so we could bribe him. Well played, as always.


Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.


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