Monday, April 5, 2010

innomipoint contest - penultimate edition

Nearing the end.  This is the last "normal" edition.  You can visit the first one to see the rules and play catch-up if you'd like.  Winner will receive a $20 gift card to a store of their choice (or charitable donation in their name) and a as-yet undetermined trinket that will no doubt have immense value to collectors someday.  For the closing act (hopefully next week), you'll be asked to complete a quest, with LOTS of points on the line.  So if you're towards the top of the leaderboard, don't get cocky, kid!

Question 1:
If Dick Cheney and Chuck Norris got in a whizzin' contest,
  • A.  This is stupid, juvenile and disgusting.  I don't want to play any more (0 points)
  • B.  We'd all drown!!  (2 points)
  • C.  Not sure.  But whatever you do, don't cross the streams! (5 points)
  • D.  They're both older than the dirt they're standing on.  Not much would happen (-2 points)
Question 2:
If Joe Biden and a garden-store sack of worm castings got in a Scrabbletm contest,
  • A.  The turd would win.
  • B.  Biden would be disqualified for spelling "jobs" with only three tiles.
  • C.  It would end in a scoreless draw.
Question 3 (essay)(max 15 points):
Did you ever hear the one about the the blond student who slept with a Mexican gangbanger?  Her English teacher said she had to ¡do an ese!  Sorry...  Here's the real question...  Describe, without using swear words, barry's pitching performance the two times he has thrown out the ceremonial "first pitch."


  1. Ok. I'm a bit rusty, but here I go..

    1. C, you don't want to cross the streams because you have to remember that Cheney's packin' a shotgun. Norris' only hope is that he's not a lawyer. Karate vs. a shotgun: Cheney wins.

    2. B. Spelling a four-letter word using only 3 letters is proof that Biden is a few letters short of the alphabet himself. Angered, Biden beats the bag of castings until they're everywhere. He decides to make brownies out of them.

    3.a. [note from velcro. I didn't actually see these, so I'll have to go from memory on them]
    TOM: "Here's the windup and the pitch...and... OOOH that poor little old lady in row 16 behind third base! She sure didn't see THAT coming..."
    MARK: "Well, she shouldn't have been sitting on the LEFT side of the field!"

    3.b. TOM: "Well we recall on his last outing that Barak "Lefty" Obummer dusted off that nice little AARP member; will the streak continue?"
    MARK: "Are the hot dogs here yet?"
    TOM: "And here we go, folks. Here's the wind and the first pitch, and the throw goes wild into centerfield! Nobody was there covering second base, and it goes all the way to the wall!!!"
    MARK: "He sure has a strong arm there.."

  2. Q #1: I go with 5! It would be a mighty stream, but I wouldn't want to be near it!

    Q #2: Since Biden is the spawn of 2 bags of worm castings, it would be: C
    (He can't beat his parents, they both have the
    same sludgy DNA.

    Q #3: Baseball busting Barry's performance throwing out the first pitches were so embarrassing and shamefully dimwitted & pansy-ish, a two year old girl with both arms in a cast could do a better job. He is such a moron, stupid, and so gay looking, he might as well skip to the mound and put posies on his "mom jeans".

    I don't know what's worse, his poop eating grin and stupid looking mug, or his limp wristed attempt at throwing a ball that a squirrel could do better.
    When I watch him "throw", I just want to throw up!

    PS: That joke was very funny! Happy Easter Monday, Innominatus.

  3. C, B, and Barry threw out the first pitch? I could have sworn that was one of the queens I saw last night on a re-run of Oz.

  4. I'll be honest Inn. When you first started this contest, I didn't understand the rules of your game-yes, I'm an illiterate toothless Tea Party activist-so I never started playing.

    Next time you have a contest, please make it somethingup my alley...such as a spelling contest or Chutes & Ladders.

  5. Opps, I read it wrong....question one, my
    answer is "c" ;-)

  6. 1. Auto five points. C'mon.

    2. Again, auto five points. C'mon.

    3. Jake Peavy is a sidearm thrower. I'm a sidearm thrower. I know who Jake Peavy is. The President is a "White Sox fan."

    The President doesn't know who Jake Peavy is.

    I use a Mizuno MZ117.

    I'm not sure the President owns a mitt.

    If the President had any friends who understood the game, they would have switched him to the sidearm throw. Given his arm length, a weight shift around his leading foot would have given his pitch some pop. Trying to bring it overhead--with such a limp wrist--is asking for the bloop.

    Which he delivered.

    To bad he didn't grow up around boys.

  7. 1. C. Crossing the streams can lead to the end of the world, or Al Gore.

    2. B. Nuff said.

    3. Admittedly the season has only one game under its belt so far but I'd say the Obama looks like he has a shot at being the Yankees "bridge" to mariano.

  8. Q1=C
    Q2=almost said 'A" but wasn't sure which turd you were referring to so i'll go with B as my final answer

    Q3= he does not throw like a girl. i'm pretty sure this little chick could kick his bootie on the field or off.

  9. Q1: Never cross the streams. Also, don't look in the trap. Final tip: When someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES!

    Q2: The answer is, of course, B. However, when the award ceremony came around, Biden would pull the worms aside and remind them that beating the Vice President in a game of Scrabble is a Big F*$%ing Deal!

    Q3: Two words: EPIC FAIL!

  10. 1. C, but I wouldn't want to be the one to tell them what not to do.
    2. C. It would end in a scoreless draw because one of them would end up eating the other.
    3. Re: Barry's pitch. Well, if the strike zone were the correct, constitutional, and non-idiotic thing to do, then Barry's presidency, would be off the mark. Damn, I meant his pitch. (Also, he throws like a girl.)


Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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