Saturday, April 17, 2010

Owwwww, I'm getting old!

Dang.  I've checked all my usual sources but can't find anything new that barry and crew have screwed up.  So not much to blog on there.  Been working on my reader quest to wrap up the innomipoint deal, but that's turning into a galactic pain in the pooper.  Dunno when I'll finally finish that up.  That leaves me with...what exactly?

Guess I'll take a cue from barry and talk about - myself!

So the other day the landlord called and said they wanted to come over next week to prune the trees in the backyard.  My yard ain't huge, but it is decent sized.  Unfortunately, I've had my young-adult kids kinda move in and out and in over the last couple years, and they always leave more junk behind when they subsequently leave.  Hence by backyard is full of CRAP.  Like old furniture under tarps kind of crap.  Rusty bikes.  Dead or at least dying refrigerator.  Balky lawnmower that hasn't run right for years.  All stuff they promised they'd come and retrieve as soon as they "found the right place."  Yeah.  Oh, and not to forget all the doo my two big dogs like to do in the yard.  The neighbors' trees on three sides are huge and there is little sun out there.  Grass doesn't survive.  If it weren't for moss and dandelions I'd have NO groundcover. 

But my landlords are super cool and they deserve better, so wifey and I decided to tackle the yard today before they showed up.  Perfect weather for it - mostly sunny and high 60s.  But man, that was a lot of dandelions to yank!  (Translation: man, that was a lot of back pain!)  We have this ridiculous shed back there which has remained mostly empty due to it's back-busting and skull-crackingly low roof.  We got nearly all the junk into the shed.  Despite all of the "protective" tarp action, some of the cheap-o particle board furniture was so waterlogged it literally fell apart in my hands.  But finally the back yard was "presentable."  On to the front...

The front is mostly junipers.  Gack.  I hate them.  Started off by just raking up the fir needles from the neighbors' tree and lots of dead juniper sticks.  Then I started noticing a lot of litter.  I dug deeper.  Much deeper.  My arms bear scratches proving just how deep I delved into the juniper patch.  In the middle of the juniper patch, there were a bunch of empty beer and pop bottles, fast-food wrappers and assorted junk like old light bulbs.  There were a couple kids' toys, and even a baby pacifier.  TONS of plastic wrappers from granola bars and little packs of peanuts - the kind of snacky junk you'd get at the convenience store.  APPARENTLY I'VE HAD A SMALL FAMILY OF HOBOS CAMPING IN MY FRONT YARD.  UndetectedNinja Hobos.  Great.  That's all I need.  More anxiety about being surrounded by stealth hobos - I thought I'd finally overcome that neurosis.  Guess not.  No wonder my dogs sniff around so tenaciously when they go out front.  So, being the total non-green thumb I have like zero gardening tools.  Much exertion with the bowie knife later, I finally have a path through the junipers and finish cleaning out the "campsite" debris.  At least the path can now do double duty as a useful little aisle I can sic the dogs down if the interlopers like what I've done with their place and want to move back in.

Oddly enough, my front yard somehow looks much better and yet looks almost exactly the same as it did before I started.  But I now ache like a fragile old coot and the scratches on my arms are still stinging noticeably.  My knife is dull and the yard debris containers provided by the garbage company are overflowing on the sidewalk.  I'm an engraver!  I sit on my butt all day!  I inspect my work with a jeweler's loupe!  I ain't cut out for this kind of hardship!  Where are all these (*&@#^$ illegal alien day laborers when you really need one?!?!?


  1. Shoulda got those grown kids of yours to come clean up their mess. Don't be old!

  2. The illegals are all at the 7-11 in the mornings. I know what you mean, I was racking pine needles today myself.

    Red, that's a great avatar.

  3. Oh Inno...LOL! Ninja Hobos...nyuk! Heal up, old man. Takes longer these days, but you'll recover.

  4. too funny. hope your back feels better.and i use the phrase "well i guess the ghost did it" when no one fesses up for something. i think the ninja hobos are getting the blame from now on. lol

  5. Ninja hobos! Heh.

    I was thinking that maybe your yard warped over to New Orleans for a day -- we haven't had quite as much debris lately, so maybe it wound up at your place. Maybe our trash now prefers your juniper to our asian jasmine.

    I leave a lined garbage can on the corner during Mardi Gras -- it doesn't capture all the cast-offs, but it surely helps save the back from all that bending over. I also kinda like your "sic the dogs on the interlopers" kind of idea!

    Soak in a warm tub -- I enjoyed your slice of life. Thinking about The Prez too much gives a body a headache anyway.

  6. Red - I know, but getting them to work is like getting pigs to fly.

    Odie - In my town there are 3 7-11s, but the only one that's close is real close to the mosque. (Yeah, my little 50k population town has a mosque) and the mooselimbs at 7-11 for coffee get all pissy when I offer them $10 to shovel the dog poo in my backyard

    Andy - I'll get better just in time to get sore again.

    labcat - I have a new scapegoat! But are they sneaky enough to come inside and make my mess in the kitchen?

    Moogie - My yard was so bad it warped the space/time continuum and sucked in Mardi Gras mess? Oooh, I gotta try that excuse on my wife!

  7. Inno, that was funny, stealth hobo's ha ha.
    I have to get started in my back and front yard too, but happily it isn't as full of stuff as yours were.
    Maybe this week. When the weather is warm and windy, I can't do it, because of the wind, then it's too cold, or rainy, or whatever. I figure there's only 2 days per year that I can comfortably tackle all the clean up.
    I hope you have a restful day today.

  8. Thanks Odie!

    I'm sorry Inny. What about a guilt trip? Maybe that would help.

  9. sheesh! I'm worn out from just reading what you did! My homeowner's association sent me a polite nasty letter about weeds in my yard. Could you come down here to Tucson and get them for me? There's also a wider selection of illegals to choose from. Just be sure that they've stolen someone else's SS number!

  10. Ninja Hobos are a menace, and must be stopped. At any rate, I developed aches and pains just reading what you did. Congrats, and rest up.

  11. Tell the grown kids that if they help you clean the mess they can stay up late watching TV.

  12. I was glad I put down Scotts Turfbuilder Plus with Weed Control last week. The weeds I mowed yesterday were the biggest and greenest ever.

  13. The sound of a true Geezer moaning; does my heart good.

    The only thing better than being a lovable old crank in real life, is being one on the innerwebs, with great commentors!

    Good job. Now rest for 8 months.

  14. We're all getting older my friend!

    As for yard work it's like (and often takes the place of) shampooing your hair.

    Mow, rake, repeat! LOL


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