Monday, April 18, 2011

Yay Portland (??)

I betcha some of you saw this at Ace's last night.  I don't hate soccer.  It is a good sport featuring talented athletes.  But I do enjoy teasing soccer fans.  They are a touchy bunch and gettin' them riled is almost as much fun as taunting a liberal.  And often times the soccer fan IS a liberal, so hassling them is like cashing in a 2-for-1 coupon.

You know the kind of people I'm talking about:  The ones with a $3000 bike on a rack on top of their Subaru Outback.  That listen to "World" music and eat a lot of soy products.  They like soccer 'cuz it's so eeeurrro.  So innnnnternational.  So not confined by American cultural hegemony.  Combine that attitude with the home opener for the Portland Timbers and it's hard to believe any good could come of it.  Portland is the most wretched hive of scum and villainy and soy-eating Subaru drivers on earth.  When I saw this clip I was expecting something like naked anarchists to come out and do a synchronized Segway presentation. 

I was wrong. That happens once in a while. And not one over-rated pseudo-celeb mangling the Anthem anywhere to be found. I like it.


  1. Soccer. Got a memory to share.

    Back when I was coaching the little ADHD crowd in L.L. baseball, soccer was making a real dent in available bodies to aggravate me to no end. Decided to give one of them dugout pep talks to stop the illegal flow of defections.

    "Boys one day you will grow up and come to understand there are men's sports like baseball, football, Nascar, basketball (maybe) and all you need to know about sock'er is that's what you do after you marry her."

    Needless to say some of them little farts ran home and told mommy and the next season I was coaching track and field.

  2. I do like the crowd singing the anthem but would like to see more respect given while doing so.

  3. Nice. But I DID keep waiting for the Segways...

    As for... Portland is the most wretched hive of scum and villainy and soy-eating Subaru drivers on earth.

    Ummm. Berkeley. Santa Fe/Taos. Ann Arbor. Portland's just a lil larger, is all.

  4. amanofwonder - you're always stirrin' up controversy. :)

    Christopher - Yeah. But we are talking about *Portland*.

    Buck - I think they're saving the Segway thing for the playoffs. But it'll happen, I'm sure of it.

  5. I pretty much hate soccer. It's a U.N conspiracy to feminize the male population of the world.

  6. I agree with your comments on soccer. It's not the game itself I hate so much as it is the people who looooooooooovvvvvve soccer.

    It's the same basic principle as poodles. I'm sure they are fine dogs. But I hate them because of their owners.

    Are you sure that clip was from Portland and not a more U.S. loving place such as Eastern Europe?

  7. Pretty cool! The Tea Party goes to a soccer game! With pyrotechnics!

  8. And that was probably the last exciting moment of the evening.

  9. Good stuff. Your readers prove once again that they are almost as funny as you are; you're just the leader when it comes to writing this stuff down...

    Soccer. Ugh.

    that is all.

  10. aw I know some Europeans Inno who luvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv football errr..I

  11. ...can they do the Super Bowl next year?


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