Tuesday, February 1, 2011

People like me. They really, really like me!

Yesterday I round-filed two posts that were just too weak to publish.  One was about barrycare being found unconstitutional.  It had an animated .gif of a happy dog but that was about all it had going for it.  Everything else about that post sucked.  The other postus delicti was a parody about Pinch Sulzberger figuring out how to boost newspaper readership by using "snortable" (like scratch-n-sniff) ink that would get the reader high (and addicted), with Charlie Sheen as a very willing spokesperson for a new "read you local paper" ad campaign.  Yeah... Well... I thought that idea might have some legs but it went NOWHERE.  Turns out the "concept" was way funnier than the "execution."  Couldn't bring myself to click "publish."  Bye-bye, lame-o posts!

I've had ZERO ideas for anything to write about today, either...

But wait!  Hark!  What light through yonder inbox breaks?  An Award?  Yay!

See, fellow northwesterner Buckskins Rule finds me worthy of this:

I am thankful for this recognition for a couple reasons.  For one, it's just nice to be appreciated.  For another, it also helps allay some fears that Buckskin's the one that has been stalking me.  If he thinks I am stylish, that proves conclusively that he has never seen me before nor even been in my zip code.  I am NOT stylish.  I don't give a crap about style.  Neither am I fashionable.  I don't give even a tiny fraction of a crap about fashion.  So I can scratch Buckskins off my "possible stalker - be ready to singe this person with a traffic flare" list.  Phew!

Receiving this award comes with some conditions: I'm supposed to list 7 things about me, then list 15 good blogs I've recently encountered.  Those 15 bloggers will then be eligible for this award, if they likewise mention those 7 things and list 15 good blogs.  You can do the math... If each of those 15 cite 15 more and so on, that's 15n and n doesn't have to get very big before every last blog on earth has been mentioned.  How unfortunate it'll be for that last very blogger to receive this award - the one who realizes that there are no more blogs out there left to forward this award to, and this whole thing has been nothing but a viciously darwinian way of determining who is the very LEAST stylish blogger in the world.

So, here are some things about me that you probably don't know...
  1. When angered, I do not turn green.  The color I turn is really more of a chartreuse than a true green.  (Pantone 380C if you happen to have a color swatchbook handy.)
  2. People get really pissed when they find out I'm secretly a multibillionaire.
  3. In a parallel universe somewhere, there is a cool version of me - with a goatee.  In this reality, though, my face has a "bald spot" that renders a proper goatee quite impossible.
  4. I exceeded my daily allowance of long rambling punctuationless overly-complicated sentences early this morning but I won't let that stop me I'll just borrow some from the future and let my grandkids pay for it  Win the future, baby!
  5. #5 is still classified.  Sometime long after I'm dead and gone, maybe it will be safe to reveal.
  6. I'm increasingly annoyed by the mooselimbs but not quite chartreuse-annoyed.
  7. My biggest goal in life is to someday have a rifle cartridge named after me.  Something like .772 innomagnum.
And in no particular order, 15 blogs out the the jillions I try to keep up with.  Some of these aren't really "recent" discoveries but if you don't like it, maybe you should try being a little less judgmental!
  1. Black or White Is a Choice - Fellow Oregonian, so he gets the #1 spot
  2. King Shamus - Biting sarcasm, pop culture and KFC Double Downs
  3. Manhattan Infidel - His imagination knows no bounds
  4. Max Redline - Another Oregonian.  Good coverage of local issues. 
  5. Woodsterman - Been reading him a long time but too funny not to list
  6. Sentry Journal - Thoughtful news and commentary
  7. Conservative Hideout - Thoughtful news and commentary and I think Matt is a Steelers fan.
  8. OregonGuy - Thinking man's blog.  Well, most of the time
  9. Skunkfeathers - Outsmarting the scam artists.
  10. teresamerica - Thoughtful news and commentary
  11. Moogie's World - Life in the Big Easy
  12. The Javelina Bomb - Funny takes on current events, but aA had to tell me what a Javelina is.
  13. Pundit Press - News and commentary from the Jumping in Pools crew.
  14. Fleece Me - Thoughtful news and commentary
  15. Bob's Blog - He links me a lot which shows he has good taste!
Now git to clickin'!


    1. LOL. So I can scratch Buckskins off my "possible stalker - be ready to singe this person with a traffic flare" list... How unfortunate it'll be for that last very blogger to receive this award - the one who realizes that there are no more blogs out there left to forward this award to, and this whole thing has been nothing but a viciously darwinian way of determining who is the very LEAST stylish blogger in the world.

      You do great mental imagery!

      And I'm honored, I think, to be included in your list - though I suspect you were just running out of material....

    2. Ha! My plan worked. But, should I find myself in Oregon, I will make it a point to be on the lookout for crazed individuals armed with road flares.

    3. Woo, I made a list! It's such an honor. I mean, as honorable as something that doesn't include a cash prize can be. But I will have to alert the authorities about the obvious Oregon-o-centric bias inherent in this list.

    4. Dang it's nice to be nmureo UNO but I had all-ways hoped it wud be a gal that told me dat!

      I aegre i dsevre be da frist notreallynoteriety thang cuz eye make abuot as mcuh snese az yah and gratetin mnids thinks alolat like in dah nosnense we irrationally gibber about.

      Likes da list of bolg floks jah put toegether. Dun't got me wrong, I don't got me one of toe'z foot fteihses, but tehese floks sur got dare feet onna da ground and U iz walkin wit a fsat thinkun crowd 2 s-A the most.

      I wud cipher a cupple two dat bean not germinated in the fertile ground you have plowed me undda with.

      Woman Honor Thyself; she'z a broad think'un gal and iffen she reads wut I jist said, she will comment "no doubt dude I will give yah the what for you need's to heer bout'z watza going on inna da world". And that's way cool, cuz i needs my tindker belle rung just as much az anybody.

      Conservative Perspective, he'z az wacked out az any uv those listed heretofore, but were not the founding fathers a little wacked in the day they spoke freely in'da speeches dat needed to be set forth in their day jobs they hadda to work nights for?

      So be'in in the country side of the old true east side of the western Oregon trail, link to the thoughts of this,


      We just gotta sing about the loves of freedom that we need to savor.

      Not sorry if I git a bit mushy, but we gotta harmonize about the things in the love of life we have been given to embrace. So blog on, we'z been lonely a way too long and the dogs of da blog world will keep us all warm at night.


    5. The parallel universe version of me is a genetically modified KFC Double Down. With a goatee, of course.

      Thanks for the linkage, you stylish blogging homie. I greatly appreciate it.

    6. Have you ever wondered where all of those emails that read "pass this along or you'll burn in hell" have ended up never to be seen again. Well all 2,358,467 of them are in my trash.

      Innominatus, I wish to thank you from the bottom of my bottom for this most prestigious award ... I will cherish it always and ......

    7. An honor to be listed sir.

      In my parallel universe I have a full head of hair, stylish goatee (that doesn't need the gray removed), gazillions of dollars, Minka Kelly and Olivia Wilde fight over who will have me, and King Shamus lives in a house made of KFC Double Downs. (Al gore would be proud of his footprint.)

    8. Thanks for the link, Innominatus. As for the goatee thing, there are many conservative bloggers with goatees, which makes me think that we ARE the evil dimension. Or something like that.

    9. Why, kind sir! My heart is all a'flutter with this honor! I shall do my very, very best to remain worthy.

      Does it come with a crown, do I have to wear gloves, and must I travel to Oregon to pick up my crown?

      Now I must retire to the parlor to ponder wonderful unknown things about me!

      W/V: goves. No, stupid Google! I said gloves!, I don't have any goves. I think.

    10. ha! thanks for making me laugh.

      You should never ditch the posts you are not happy with. Your standards should be lower, like mine. Sometimes it's the throwaways that end up with a little spike in traffic.



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