Watch out New Coke, Windows Vista, and Obama at the bowling alley... You have bold new competition for Most Outrageous MegaFail of All Time. Yes, Willard "Mitt" Romney showed up at a fundraiser in a pickup truck. Eager to boost his credibility with ordinary working-class Americans, Romney pointed out some blemishes in the paint: "Ya see here, a real Amurkin man don't much mind when his good ol' Amurkin-made pickemup truck gets a little ding. It's like a badge of honor. This'n here scratch came when that fat ***** flung open the door of her Maybach outside the Opera House and got my truck. And that there splortch? Yeppers, that's where a divot from the Martha's Vineyard Millionaires-Only Polo League Championship flew all the way to the valet parking area and struck my truck. When I go muddin' like that, I kinda like to leave some of it on the truck for a few days 'fore I get ol' Hector to detail it. 'Cuz acourse a real man don't mind a little mud on his truck."
The assembled crowd offered only eyerolls and teehees, causing Mr. Romney to grow a tad indignant. Pointing at a red #3 decal on the limo-tinted rear window of his truck, Mitt exclaimed "Look'n here! I gots a Sandra Bernhardt memorial sticker on my truck. Formula 1 just ain't been the same since ol' Sandy hit that wall!" The crowd grew disinterested and began to disperse, so Mitt jumped up on the hood. Slamming two cans of premium organic beer together a-la "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, Mitt poured them all over his face while meowing a Howard Dean-ish "Yarg!"
Later that evening, an illegal laborer at Ming's Dry Cleaning reported a strange txt message had been sent to his phone. "I receive request for best method to remove organic beer stain from $800 silk shirt from weird redneck man who call he self 'Mitt'. I so confused."