Friday, August 6, 2010

Romney tries to shed "priveleged" image; fails

Watch out New Coke, Windows Vista, and Obama at the bowling alley... You have bold new competition for Most Outrageous MegaFail of All Time.  Yes, Willard "Mitt" Romney showed up at a fundraiser in a pickup truck.  Eager to boost his credibility with ordinary working-class Americans, Romney pointed out some blemishes in the paint: "Ya see here, a real Amurkin man don't much mind when his good ol' Amurkin-made pickemup truck gets a little ding.  It's like a badge of honor.  This'n here scratch came when that fat ***** flung open the door of her Maybach outside the Opera House and got my truck.  And that there splortch?  Yeppers, that's where a divot from the Martha's Vineyard Millionaires-Only Polo League Championship flew all the way to the valet parking area and struck my truck.  When I go muddin' like that, I kinda like to leave some of it on the truck for a few days 'fore I get ol' Hector to detail it.  'Cuz acourse a real man don't mind a little mud on his truck."

The assembled crowd offered only eyerolls and teehees, causing Mr. Romney to grow a tad indignant.  Pointing at a red #3 decal on the limo-tinted rear window of his truck, Mitt exclaimed "Look'n here!  I gots a Sandra Bernhardt memorial sticker on my truck.  Formula 1 just ain't been the same since ol' Sandy hit that wall!"  The crowd grew disinterested and began to disperse, so Mitt jumped up on the hood.  Slamming two cans of premium organic beer together a-la "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, Mitt poured them all over his face while meowing a Howard Dean-ish "Yarg!"

Later that evening, an illegal laborer at Ming's Dry Cleaning reported a strange txt message had been sent to his phone.  "I receive request for best method to remove organic beer stain from $800 silk shirt from weird redneck man who call he self 'Mitt'.  I so confused."

9 comments:

  1. HA! Inno, Mitt is a real puzzle. I actually believe that he would have been a fairly good President.

    In fact, after Fred Thompson ended his two day run, I got behind Mitt in the Republican primaries. I figured that he was the only guy that could beat Hillary.

    At the time, I figured that she would be the man to beat. But, after the wimp just packed up shop, I got behind the McCainiac...didn't want to, but knew that anything the dims came up with would suck to high heaven.

    I was right.

    I think Mitt is pretty well spent as far as any future political hopes. Maybe somebody will take him as a Veep nominee. But, as sharp a guy as he is...and I believe probably a very fine man...I doubt that he'll ever be a real force in electoral politics.

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  2. Andy - Your thoughts run closely parallel to mine. I don't have a huge dislike of Mitt. He'd be a gigantic upgrade over barry. If he does win the nom I'll support him. I'm just weary of erstwhile "leaders" doing no leading but instead trying to morph into whatever seems comfortable at the moment.

    I just wish more people would say "This is who I am, what my policies are, and what I offer. I will not pander. I will not equivocate. I will not give you mealy-mouthed, cover-my-a** half-answers. Vote for me or don't vote for me. The End."

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  3. Well said, Inno. I certainly hope that enough like minds reclaim the Party.

    Heck, I'm to the point that if a guy or gal will look me in the eye and tell me with firm conviction why they believe something, though it may run contrary to my beliefs, I'm giving 'em an A+.

    I just want somebody "real" leading our nation again. Even if I disagree with 'em some.

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  4. If Romney doesnt renounce Romneycare as a huge mistake no conservative will take him seriously

    While a competent financial man -not a bad thing in today's predicament- Romney is also a coward... at least compared to Sarah Palin. Where is he while we fight for this country... where was he on NY23... why isn't he attacking Obama all the time like she is? What exactly is he doing, kicking back and waiting to be nominated?

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  5. RR - Yep, as the saying goes, "There are only two men in America with a socialist healthcare program named after them." Based on what just happened in Missouri, I'd say his failure to renounce it will hurt him with more than just conservatives.

    And if he doesn't want to run and doesn't want to lead, that's fine. He doesn't owe me anything. But if he chooses to sit on the sideline 'til the last minute and then wants the nom, well, p*ss on that. The worst part is that in that situation we'd be disapproving of him for legitimate reasons, while the MSM would be instead be barking about "conservative haters hating hatefully on Mormon guy."

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  6. Mitt can use the oil he puts in his hair in his pickup truck. Saves money. You see - he does have a plan to reduce the deficit.

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  7. Mitt is indeed a puzzle. He should play up the 5-really-good-looking sons angle.

    At least he does appear to understand basic economics and the concepts of "honor" and "faith." But I must agree that his future as THE leading force is shot, even if he does renounce Romneycare.

    He could definitely be an attractive VEEP candidate. As an Independent, I'm just really depressed these days about the future of the Republic.

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  8. I actually like Mitt Romney. He has experience and is very knowledgable in economics or finance so with certainty I can say we would have been much better off than with Barry the nut who hadn't even ran a lemonade stand before he became president. He wouldn't have been doing his darndest to burn the constitution like Obama is now. If he gets to the general election I'll support him also.

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  9. Mitt is a globalist pure and simple. He gets it all wrong on far to may important issues.

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