Friday, August 20, 2010
Barry tough election cycle
[Rahm] "Oh no, it looks like some kind of Walking Radioactive Disaster!!!"
[Pelosi] "And, and, it's headed right for the midterms!"
[Rahm] "Not only that, it's headed right FOR US!!"
[Radioactive Disaster Barry] "Hey guys, what's up?"
Pelosi feverishly makes sign of the cross over her chest and clamps her eyes tightly closed.
[Pelosi] "Oh lawd, please make it go away! I'll do anything, lawd, just make it disappear! I even promise I won't bring any more abortion bills to the House floor! Pleeeeeease!"
[WRD Obama] "Guys, relax. Somebody must have put something in my sunscreen or something."
A curious veep Biden approaches
[Biden] "Who the heck are you?"
[WRD Obama] "Joe, knock it off. Go find me a tub of Noxema or something that'll get this off of me."
[Biden] "You sound like the President, but you look like some kind of Walking Radioactive Disaster. I've always been kind of a science geek. Check this out." [Pulls pocket-sized Geiger Counter from lapel pocket and aims it at the WRD. The Geiger Counter starts clicking faster than an overcaffeinated Neil Peart doing a drumroll.]
[Pelosi, panicky] "What. Does. That. Mean? What. Does. That. Mean!?"
[Biden, calmly] "It means... He's toxicly radioactive. It's not safe to be around him. In fact, we may have already received lethal doses of the Disastrous Radioactivity. Best we head to the decontamination facility pronto!"
Arms flailing overhead, Biden runs away screaming.
[WRD Obama] "Whatever. I don't have time for this. I'm heading to the Capitol to give our team a little pep talk."
[WRD Obama] "And then I think I'll commandeer some prime-time TV to talk about why the Ground Zero Mosque is such a good idea. While I'm at it, I think I can dispel the myth that I'm still a mooselimb. Once people know that I'm actually a Christlamic Humanist I think they'll simmer down."
[Rahm, urgently] "Sire, please, I beg thee - stay away from the TV for a while. Go on a vacation. Go to Martha's Vineyard. Go to Vinny's Vineyard. Anywhere. Go the the Lion's Club booth at the county fair and boil some hotdogs for all I care. Seriously. Anywhere but on TV."
[WRD Obama] "You're all totally overreacting."
Joe Sestak, carrying his briefcase, walks by.
[WRD Obama] "Yo, Joe! How's things up in Quakerland? Needin' any campaign help?" [Grabs Joe's hand and gives it a good shake]
[Sestak] "Agh! My hand, it burns!" [whacks WRD Obama with briefcase] "D**n it! I sure hope that nobody got me on camera with that WRD!"
The trio ambles towards Capitol Hill despite Rahm and Nan's pleadings. Russ Feingold is sitting in the grass next to his solar-powered scooter which has stopped working.
[Feingold, reading the owner's manual for the scooter aloud to himself] "Hmmm. Troubleshooting... Troubleshooting... Ah! Page 38. Lessee here... 'If the scooter suddenly stops working, it is likely that the toxic flume from a nearby Walking Radioactive Disaster has irradiated the solar panels and de-ionized the battery. Return scooter to an authorized service center for repair.' Weird."
[WRD Barry] "Hey, Russ! I see that some nobody up there in Wisconsin is catching up to you in the polls. I'll swing by later this month and do some campaign stumping for ya!"
[Feingold, aloud] "NO!" [to himself] "Dang it! Where's an inflatable emergency chute when you really need one?!" [Aloud] "Attention JetBlu passengers and Obama sycophants. I hate all of you. Screw you all. I'm outta here!" [Opens imaginary door and slides on his butt down some wet grass to a sidewalk at the bottom of the slope and runs to his car]
[WRD Barry] "Um, Rahm, I'm starting to get the point. I think I better just go lay low at Martha's Vineyard for a while."