My pastor's wife and blog-rival Patti has passed me up in "followers" again. I've been stuck on 63 for a while, and last I saw she was up to 65. She blogs mostly about girly stuff - babies, scrapbooking, friends, etc, **shudder** which I guess is ok if you're into that kind of stuff. Personally, I think friends and babies are WAY overrated and the world would be a better place without them. But I gotta admit that it gets traffic. Unlike my blog. It gets nuttin'. If everybody who comes here left me a dollar, I'd still have to raid the change in my car's ashtray to buy a Happy Meal. Sad, really. One would think that blogging about Chris Dodd's halitosis and posts about lighting hippies on fire would be a winning recipe. Nope.
What to do? Well, Patti had a traffic bonanza the other day by playing matchmaker. Hmmm... What keeps me from doing the same thing? Nothing! So what if I'm a loner with misanthropic tendencies - that shouldn't preclude me from offering relationship advice. I am an excellent judge of character! So, tell me what you're looking for in a relationship, and what you have to offer. I'll plug that info into my patented Compatibility Matrix and get you hooked right up with the person of your dreams. Best of all, this service is free!
OOOO... Starting a dating service? Can't participate beings as I'm married, but innom's dating service for conservatives sounds like a great idea! Go for it!
ReplyDeleteInno, my list would be too big to publish now.
ReplyDeleteI am single though, so a nice conservative with cute pets and male, would be a good start.
You are too funny, I think babies are over-rated too...hee hee.
Teresa - I'm no homewrecker, so yeah, you're ineligible. Sorry! :)
ReplyDeleteAmusing Bunni - Conservative male w/ pets. Not much data to work with there, but I'm still confident I can hook you up!
Sign me up!
ReplyDeleteDoes setting hippies on fire count as one of the stages of compatibility? If so you have a winner! eHarmony (ripoff) watch out!
John, John, John! Did I fail to mention that matchmaking is only ONE key to blogging success? A very small key. You need to post some good scrapbooking layouts. Complete with product descriptions and how you FELT when you made the layout. You also need a bunch of photos of adorable babies smiling, spitting, etc...one with special needs would help. (Lily's blog has SEVENTY FIVE followers.) You can borrow her for the day if needs be.
ReplyDeleteFinally, throw in a little true confessions. You know, talk about how even though you're a world-famous blogger, you still have little quirks that people can relate to. Post some photos of mildew-y showers, overgrown shih-tzus, moldy crockpots...People love to feel normal. We can help them.
Ok, so go to it! Expect results in 24 hours or less, guaranteed.
P.S. If all else fails, quit blogging and send your followers to ME!
I wish I had some serious traffic to send your way but I think I have the same five people checking out Corndog as well so it would be moot. I like our little club.
ReplyDeleteDamn,
ReplyDeleteMarried, Conservative male W/ Pets here and even used to have a real bunny rabbit named Fluffy.
Best of luck to all the single conservatives here!
Inno, if you want to get big traffic, lemme give you some advice.
ReplyDeleteThis comes from a guy that has closely followed his stats for a couple of years, and knows his junk about what works, and what don't.
Now, it's not guaranteed to get you any followers, but it will get you traffic. The bulk of my traffic comes from the posts I did about "Midget Wrestling," "Elena Kagan Nude," "Male Stripper Names," "What would Elvis look like today" and "Hanna Giles." Seriously, several hundred hits a day come to those five posts. Oh yeah, also "Rick Sanchez is an obnoxious jackass" brings a lot of visits, too.
Now, as to "followers," all I can advise is BEG! I'm going to hit the "follow" deal because ah loves ya'! I don't "follow" hardly anyone, as I read posts in a feed reader. But for you my friend...indeed!
Infidel - the ladies have been burning up my 800 line trying to reach you. Once I filter out the losers I'll let you know.
ReplyDeletePatti - I post on that "normal life" stuff but I'm not into pix so much. Babies spitting. Gag. Dunno why it bugs me so much. It's like being sprayed with acid. My dogs can slobber all over me and I don't seem to care. I know, I'm weird. But you already knew that...
Red - We do have a cool little club. However, since you revamped Corndog I've noticed a suspicious absence of a certain un-named somebody in your blogroll. Ahem.
Christopher - Looks like you don't need my help. Consider that a good thing.
Andy - One of your famous screencaps from your sitemeter showed that you've had over 4 million visits. That makes me jealous! :) I actually don't mind having low traffic. That keeps me from feeling too pressured to write when I don't really feel like it. As long as I get some feedback in the comments I'm pretty well satisfied. And with you now following (even though you use a feedreader) I've caught up to Patti (for now).
Hate to break it to you John, but as of today- SIXTY SIX for me.... BOO-YAH!!! told ya, babies spitting draws.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Can you do a song service practice this week?
http://patti-riceroom.blogspot.com/2010/08/blog-wars-2010-come-out-of-closet.html
ReplyDeleteBring it on.
I agree with Patti. An adorable baby such as Lily would totally help! And about the followers? I couldn't help one little bit in that area. I have like next to no followers. It pretty pathetic....
ReplyDeleteBut yeah, Patti's blog is totally the best!
I suffered with bad breath for about 5 years. I spent a small fortune on bad breath cures. Nothing I tried seem to work even as it said it would. I read on one of halitosis websites a review of bad breath cures and the top of the list was Oraltech Labs. I ordered their book. It worked. It doesn’t sell you any products at all, in fact it tells you to stop buying pastes, gels, washes and pills. So if you’re going through what I have, think about this and save yourself the pain and humiliation. Just Google Oraltech Labs. GL, Jenny Wilson. NB
ReplyDeleteInno, you have definitely hit the big time!
ReplyDeleteI mean, when you get the attention of Mr. Bad Breath & Halitosis himself...well...
There is no advice anybody can give you after that, Pal.
Pat yourself on the back!
Well, the halitosis guy looks like a Quaid. Maybe you should have a picture of Dennis Quaid spitting up on Elena Kagag, with a pet of some sort, perhaps Joe Biden or the like.
ReplyDeleteMy traffic dropped off a lot, too, especially when I stopped posting semi-regularly. Funny how that happens...I know what you mean about pressure.
The dating/matchmaker/shaman idea is not so bad; you could mash it all together. How about setting Ruth Bader Meatgrinder with a Siberian Husky.
I may be getting punchy over here, but there may be some merit in this. I pledge to think on this for another 4.4 minutes, and my inspiration will appear in a subsequent comment. If there is none in 10 minutes, assume I saw something shiny out the window. ooOOOoh, a squirrel...
You're never going to make any money if you offer your very valuable services for free.
ReplyDeleteThrow me into the "married, with conservative pets, and grown children" pile.
Also, the "very fews followers" pile. But I do love our playmates!
I disabled veriword today, so we shall see what we shall see.