Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Biden Journals: The Secret Excerpts

July 7, 2004
Dear Diary,

It's been a couple days since the fireworks "episode" on the 4th.  I'm happy to report that I can pretty much walk normally, but being seated for extended periods remain out of the question.  Doc says give it a few more days and use a lot of neosporin.  Also, Jill brought home something called a "DVD Player."  Wow.  It like has a whole movie on a CD.  The first DVD we watched was "The Lion King" and it has extra features that don't appear on the VHS version.  I think the most amazing part is how the cartoonists were able to draw so small.  Seriously, how small would each animation cel have to be in order to fit a whole movie on one CD?  Crazy!

This morning we were running low on salt and bacon just isn't bacon without some extra salt.  Then I remembered that little teabag thing that came in the DVD box.  The one that says "Silica Gel: Do Not Eat."  It is sad that people are so stupid that they need to be warned not to eat teabags.  Since it looks like salt, I dunked the teabag thing in some hot water and spread the resulting slurry on the bacon.  It looked really, really good, but it tasted like yellow PowerBait dunked in lacquer thinner.  And I don't mean that as hyperbole, like when people say something like "Joe smells worse than a Sumo wrestler taking a dump in a burning portapotty."  C'mon, wow many of us have really even met a Sumo wrestler?  I hate those kinds of exaggerations.  It really did taste like PowerBait dunked in lacquer thinner.  But I don't think it is necessary to review how I know what PowerBait dipped in lacquer thinner tastes like.  That is already well established.

Well, Diary, that's it for now.  Toodles!


  1. So Joe really wasn't welcomed with open arms in Baghdad after all, huh?

    Pretty good post.

  2. The lacquer thinner explains a lot. I should be referred to as "liquid gaffe."

  3. Can you imagine how ecstatic he will be to learn about Blue Ray?

  4. Laquer thinner and PowerBait, what an imaginative combination.

    Glad to see you have capitalized on all the thinkin' you've been able to do!


Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.


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