Thursday, January 21, 2010

Barry devastating defeat

The Oval Office.  Obama, Rahm, Axelrod moping.

[Rahm] "Sire, it is only one senate seat.  It is not the end of Hopenchange.  It may be the end of Camelot, but Hopenchange lives on.  We can still buy off a few votes and get the healthcare seizure bill passed."

[Obama] "Rahm, that's easy for you to say from the solitude of your little closet office.  But I'm The One who is suffering for it.  Face it.  We just got reamed.  My rearend feels like a smallblock Chevy that's just been bored .060" over.  If I can't pull a democrat to victory in Massachusetts, I mean, wow.  What kind of loser have I become?  This sucks."

[Axelrod] "It's because of that moonbat Pelosi." [spit] "Those SF/Berkeley type moonbats are plenty moonbatty, but they don't know crap about actually getting things done.  We need a moonbat with some organizing ability in that position.  Then we'll get somewhere."

[Obama] "I'm all for passing the buck and blaming others, but sooner or later it reflects on me. I gotta get out of here.  Go get some air."

Obama exits.  He takes a walk to the cemetery to visit the grave of Saul Alinsky.

[Obama, kneeling before the headstone of Alinsky, ululating mournfully] "Lalalalalalalala.  Master, where have I erred? Lalalalalalala."

[Ghost of Alinsky] "Disciple!  How dare you approach me without a suitable sacrifice!  I demand a burnt offering!"

[Obama] "Oh, yeah!  Sorry!" [pulls little American flag out of his pocket and lights it on fire.  The ashes float downward, speckling the ground around the gravesite]

[Ghost] "Much better.  Now what were you saying?"

[Obama] "Master, nothing seems to be working.  It seems everthing I touch turns to crap."

[Ghost] "Duh.  I might be spending eternity in a fiery prison, but I have a little bit of a clue.  Tell me something I don't already know."

[Obama] "Ummm.  Huh.  Ummm.  I thought you pretty much knew everything."

[Ghost] "Not really.  That book I wrote was never meant to be a roadmap to success.  I just needed the money so I threw together a few rules.  You know, just taking some advantage of the social climate of the day.  I knew a book about rabble rousing would get me some quick cash.  You all have taken it way to seriously."

[Obama] "You mean..."

[Ghost] "Yeah, you're screwed. Heh.  I always wanted to destroy the Presidency.  Would've been cool if it had happened in my lifetime, but this is still pretty awesome."

[Obama] "You suck.  I'm outta here."

[Ghost] "See ya!  Oh, don't worry, I'll save you a seat in the underworld!"

Obama stomps off with a pouting look back at the grave, and gives a not-so-subtle head-scratch middle finger towards it.  He then returns to the Oval Office.

[Obama] "Any great ideas while I was gone?"

[Axelrod] "We haven't been liberal enough.  We need to tack to the left."

[Obama] "Raping the car companies, making the bailed-out banks dance for us, nationalizing the student loan biz, giving rights to misunderstood participants in man-caused disasters?  That ain't liberal enough?"

[Axelrod] "Yeah, you're right.  That's all pretty darned liberal.  I guess I'm out of ideas."

[Rahm] "Sire, I suggest we tack toward the center like Clinton did.  You'll regain much of your adoration."

[Obama] "Adoration from a bunch of redneck racist bitter clingers.  Great.  I think I can do without that.  I really want the nutroots to support me like they used to.  That would make me happy.  Besides, how the heck are we going to socialize everything if we stop doing socialisty stuff?"

[Rahm] "OK, you got me on that one.  I guess I'm out of ideas, too."

[Obama] "You fools better come up with a plan.  Like, quick, dude.  If we don't get it turned around, Michelle will stop being proud.  You really, really don't want that."

[Axelrod] "Gulp!"


  1. I think the whole thing went down kind of like that Innominatus....or baby barry just cried and stomped his widdle feet and said it was bushes, rahms, and axelgreeses' fault.
    You were esp. creative with this one.

  2. So nice to be a fly on the wall and get this kind of stuff! Keep us up on this news!


Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.


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