Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Assorted Public Service Announcements

Research into the causes of vehicle accidents has reached some interesting conclusions.  Factors such as intoxication, distractedness and driver skill certainly contribute to the likelihood of an accident, but the main factor is time spent on the road.  Yes, the chances of being clobbered on the road are directly proportional to the time one spends on the road.  The drunken idiot in the lift-kitted F350 is much less likely to clobber somebody who never rides in a car. 

As a service to my readers, I therefore suggest that each of you buy an exotic sports car and drive it as FAST AS YOU FLAMIN' CAN, to minimize the time spent on our roadways.  Get where ya gotta go, and do it as quickly as possible.  Speed limits that keep you on the road for all those extra hours are just an attempt by the man to get you run over.  The man doesn't want you to live long enough to collect Social Security so he keeps you on the roads.  Speeds limits are stupid rules that you may now feel free to disregard.

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"You can't have any pudding if you don't eat your meat!" is another stupid rule.  Feel free to disregard this one, too.

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Dear poor, pitiable, sniveleing liberals:  I know it is contrary to your wussified nature, but now is the time to FIGHT!  The election in MA has everything to do with Coakley sucking and nothing, I repeat, nothing to do with your toxic agenda.  Do not back down now.  Continue to use any means necessary to try to shove your policies down an unwilling throat.  'Cuz it's like 4th-n-goal at the 1.  You'll never have another chance like this.  Guys like Bayh and Webb who want to back down now will get you nothing but lost elections.  Throw everything you have into a hard pivot to the far, far, left and I wink-wink-double-pinky-promise that things will go fine for you in the mid-term elections. 

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I recreated my old three-column layout using the same tricks that Mike suggested when I originally changed over.  Unfortunately, it put both the sidebars on the right, one beneath the other.  You'd think there'd be a simple "sidebar justify:left" line or something, but nooooo.  I can probably piddle around in the code and figure out what's wrong, but if you're an XML hero out there who can speed me through the process, I'll gladly say lots of nice things about you in exchange for some hints.

7 comments:

  1. Good information. Feel free to pass along any others that cross that immense 12'x14' corporate desk of yours. I don't think you want any of my XML hints, cuz they have nothing to do with XML.

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  2. Velcro - I guess you've never seen the cave I work in.

    Matthew - I guess the Brown victory scared the left column over to the right or something.

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  3. I guess no one or nothing wants to be on the left today.

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  4. Great advice, Innominatus!

    I wholeheartedly agree. This is not time for them to chicken out on their lefty agenda. Pass it! Pass it quick, then cackle an evil laugh afterward! You'll be rewarded in November. Rahm and Axelrod say so!

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  5. This is such a great post! I like your suggestions for the libtards, they should ram harder, no problem, it will all work out...wink wink, nudge nudge.

    Matt's Comment! Genius, pure genius

    You'll get it sorted.

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  6. One reason I'm now at Word Press is because every time I tried to fiddle with my Blogger template, I broke the poor bugger. Hey, but at least you gave the libtards a good pep talk in your PSAs.

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Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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