Thursday, January 5, 2012

Barry scary plane ride

Air Force 1 en route to campaign stop official business stop.  Obama, Plouffe, Jarrett and Axelrod discussing campaign strategy.

[Jarrett] "We need to ditch Biden.  The guy's a loon.  Get Hillary on the ticket.  That'll give us a thin veneer of centrism while we continue with radical redistributionism.  Might be enough to fool some of the rust-belt union types."

[Plouffe] "Agreed."

Obama's phone rings

[Obama] " Hello.  Commander in Chief speaking."

[Biden, on other end of phone call] "Hey, boss!  Joe here.  Just wanted to talk to you about the elections this year."

[Obama] "Joe, I told you not to call unless there is an emergency.  Is this an emergency?"

[Biden] "Is a frog's butt watertight?"

[Obama] "What?"

[Biden] "Is a pig's butt pork?"

[Obama] "Joe!"

[Biden] "Sorry.  I'm working on some folksy, down-home kind of stuff that'll endear us to the stupid southerners.  We're going to need to win at least a few of those states."

[Obama] "Joe, we're concentrating on getting the rust-belt voters, rather than those dumb southern racist crackers."

[Biden] "But the rust-belt people hate us."

[Obama] "That's why we're putting Hillary on the ticket to replace you.  You embody the rust-belt way too much.  So, uh, we're getting rid of you and putting another Chicago thug on the ticket."

[Jarrett nods in approval]

[Biden] "Sir!  I do NOT recommend that!"

[Obama] "I know you're just trying to preserve you job."

[Biden] "Naw, it's not that.  It's just that I saw Hillary practicing throwing stars, ninja-style.  She took down a bigleaf maple tree in three throws.  With Hillary one 'accident' away from the Presidency, I'd put the over/under on your continued existence at about, oh, let's put it this way:  Yo-Yo Ma wouldn't even be done playing Allah Save the King at your Coronation before Hill would be waving your head around on the end of a spike."

[Obama] "You exaggerate."

A disturbance is heard outside the plane.  All aboard look out the portside windows and witness a terrible scene...

[Obama, like a little girl] "Gaaahh! What it that?"

[Hillary cackles and throws a chunk of the Constitution into the jet intake.  The plane shudders as the engine begins to fail.]

[Hillary] "Barack!  You stole my destiny!  But I will steal it back!  This plane will be mine!  Mwaa-hah-hah-hah-hah!  I will paint that blue stripe on it pink and I will rule forever!"

[Jarrett] "Quick!  Recite the mantra!"

[Obama, Jarrett, Plouffe, Axelrod, in unison] "Whitewater, Whitewater, Rose Law Firm Billing Records, Travelgate, FBI files!  Whitewater, Whitewater, Rose Law Firm Billing Records, Travelgate, FBI file!"

[Hillary, in apparent pain] "Nreeee!  I'll be back for you!  Be sure of it!" [flys off, over the horizon]

[Obama] "Joe, you still there?"

[Biden] "Does a rattlesnake butt taste like chicken?"

[Obama] "Keep working on that charming down-home thing you're working on.  We'll be needing you on the campaign trail!"


  1. I needed that laugh...You now owe me for a coke splattered keyboard and monitor.

  2. Wrong, Randy: Inno saved your life. In a bizarre case currently winding through court, an Illinois guy claimed to have purchased a can of Mountain Dew from an employer's vending machine, became ill, and discovered a mouse in there.

    Naturally, he's trying to take PepsiCo to the cleaners.

    Not so fast: Pepsi's asked that the case be dismissed because they have expert testimony that the mouse would have dissolved in the soda before Ball ever had the chance to drink it.

    You owe him.

  3. Gelatinous Mouse Residue would be a great name for a punk-rock album.

  4. To paraphrase the odd couple can two chicago thugs live together without driving each other insane?

  5. EXCELLENT! Nearly snarfed coffee on that one.

    Seriously though, they should not trust the Clintons. They know all of the tricks, and have probably determined every weak spot in team Obama.

  6. Funny to the max!
    I bet Biden feels like a red headed step child at a family reunion most of the time!
    Keep them coming Inno, they make my day.

  7. Joe will save the day. "Does a rattlesnake butt taste like chicken?" The last time I checked it did.

    Inno, a true work of art!

  8. Inno, can you point me to any liberals' comments that found this blog?

  9. Do I love Inno's blog? Is a porky-pine's butt sharp?

  10. Good one! And to think the mantra chased Hillary away without even having to conjure the ghost of Vince Foster!


Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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