Stupid People: An Economic Stimulus

Many of us, I expect, are familiar with the Broken Window Fallacy.  Today, I present you with a corollary called the "Dented Sign Axiom." 

First, some background...  Towards the end of summer every year, a certain university I attended and am a fan of (but shall remain nameless to protect the identities of idiots) comes to us for end zone signs.  Over the last dozen or so years, this university has gone from football laughingstock to perennial bowl-goer.  When I was a student there and the football team stunk, advertisers would refuse to have their image seen anywhere in, on, or around the football stadium.  Now that we're a decent team, advertisers want their image all over the stadium.  People come to us with crazy ideas like "see that little blank spot way up on the wall?  Can you fit another sign in there?"  Some of the most desirable locations are in the end zones, where the TV cameras often linger after a score.

Most years, there a four or five, maybe six companies that either buy end zone space or want to change the look of their existing end zone signs.  This year, everybody's tightening their belt.  We sold exactly ZERO end zone signs this year.  That's about $10k we're not going to see.  Ouch...  But wait!  There are stupid people galloping onto the scene to make my rescue!  Woohoo!

The university Lacrosse team was practicing down on the football field the other day.  One of those bright young fellows noticed that those fancy end zone signs, made of DiBond, have interesting properties when struck with a lacrosse ball.  The ball bounces back!  Golly!  So all of a sudden the lacrosse team is down there zinging those hard rubber lacrosse balls against the end zone signs and catching the rebounds with their little stickbaskets.  What they didn't notice (or didn't care about) was that each strike from the lacrosse ball was leaving a VERY OBVIOUS crater-like dent in the sign.  In short order, all the end zone signs were dimpled like the surface of a golf ball.  The advertisers were, oh, shall we say a little bit FREAKIN' P.O.'d!  Some of the dents hammer out like a ding in a fender, but some are beyond repair.  Which means suddenly we have a WHOLE BUNCH of sign work to complete before the first home game in a couple weeks.  Woooo!

The Broken Window Fallacy shows that there is no economic benefit to going around breaking windows.  But the Dented Sign Axiom proves that dented signs are very beneficial to people in the sign & engraving biz.  Plus, it's a state school so I'm sure there's a taxpayer getting screwed here somewhere.  Yay for redistribuitionism!

Lay down! Stay! Good dog!

As most are now aware, President Obama gave a speech in Wisconsin where he moaned about people talking about him like a dog.  The root of the problem is that Obama and others in gov't have a serious inversion regarding the master/servant relationship.  "...by the People, FOR the People..."  Maybe that sounds vaguely familiar to these elites - something once chattered by a teacher - but it is certainly not the prevailing mindset among those in government.

See, when everything is whittled down to the basics, each individual is responsible for EVERYTHING that goes on in that person's life.  Governments are instituted among men to preserve our rights.  Governments are also given authority, delegated by the people, to do certain things.

A real-life example of this is public schools.  The people are responsible for education their kids.  Period.  Some  people may choose to meet that obligation through homeschooling.  But the people can also accomplish this by telling their b*tch servant, the government, "It makes more economic sense to put more of us in the workforce rather than individually educating our kids.  Therefore, we have collected finances through voluntary taxation.  Use these resources to educate our kids."  The government is the servant who does the bidding of the people.

Each individual is responsible for his own security.  But we delegate much of that authority to various law enforcement agencies.  We ASSIGN many tasks to our servant.  I could generate a long list of them.  But the point is, government is the servant of the people.  The people are the Master. 

That a government official bristles at being compared to a dog completes my point.  Government is SUPPOSED to be the servant who does the bidding of the Master.  Government is SUPPOSED to be talked down to; given COMMANDS from the people.  When that relationship gets skewed and the servant usurps the place of the Master, conflict becomes inevitable.

I love my dogs.  To an almost irrational level.  I'd probably take a bullet for my dogs.  But I remain the Master.  If Chance or Sunshine is sitting on the couch where I want to sit, they darned well better move when I tell them.  It is good that they bark when somebody approached the front door.  But they darned well better shut up when I tell them to.  I will bring correction if they fail. 

Mr. Obama, I'd really like to be able to love you like I love my dogs.  I'd love it if you listened to me the way they do.  I'd love it if you responded to correction.  I'd love it if you recognized that while you may be "Head Dog", you remain a servant - chosen by the people.  We could have a great relationship, like I have with my dogs.  I really, genuinely, would like that.  But I will not give up my position as Master.

Happy Red Commie Union Thug Day!

Yo yo, my proletariat homies!  Whazzup? 

Enjoy your workers' holiday, and during your outdoor revelries, be careful to observe careful BBQ procedures.  We don't want any burned burgers or singed wieners on this greatest of days!

Slow News Friday News Roundup

A visibly stressed Obama was ushered today to Marine 1 for a short flight for yet another vacation, this time at Camp David.  An anonymous White House staffer confided "He's under more strain than Michelle's girdle.  Dunno which of those two will unravel first, but either way it ain't gonna be pretty."

------------

Hurricane Earl was scheduled to visit the mid-Atlantic near Camp David but like many other democrats, Earl has instead chosen to avoid being seen anywhere near Obama this close to the November elections. "I'm heading up towards Martha's Vineyard, Nantucket," said Earl, "you know, up there where that other blowhard just finished a vacation.  It should be safe up there for a while."

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The Pockystahn Minister of Industry wants barry to come out and declare himself Caliph, Leader of All Muslims.  When reached for comment, an impatient barry snapped "Can't I just finish my waffle falafel?"

Ready for some football?

Please forgive the momentary departure from blogging about Obama being a boogerhead.  Lord willin' and the seas don't rise, there'll be plenty of time for that...

But I'm gettin' itchy for a kickoff.  There's just something special about football.  Whatever that special "something" is, it is even evident in pop culture.  Now I'm not much of a moviegoer (twice in the last 15 years or so) and not much of a TV watcher, but I've managed to see a lot of good football movies.  What about other sports?  I like baseball (especially when my Giants are still relevant in September) but I can't think of one good dramatic baseball movie.  Baseball seems to better lend itself to Major League and Bull Durham fun movies rather than drama.  Basketball?  There's Hoosiers.  Can't think of any others.  Well, there was that awful Robby Benson thing back in the '70s, too.  Hockey?  Please don't even start with the Mighty Ducks.  Soccer?  The Stallone/Pele flick Victory was pretty decent.  When the crowd starts chanting Dies Irae it gives me a little chill.  But really, would it have been half as cool if they were playing the Paraguayan National Team?  Nah, it's cool 'cuz they're beating Nazis. 

That brings us to football...

I can't think of one single serious football movie that sucked.  Some of the comedies (Adam Sandler, I'm looking at you) haven't done anything for me.  But the serious football flicks all seem to be really good.  I don't want to spread it on too thick, but there's a certain nobility about football.  That nobility lends itself to good cinema.  Think about it for a sec...

• Invincible
• Remember the Titans
• Gridiron Gang
• Blindside
• Facing the Giants
• We Are Marshall

Note that most of these are true stories.  Football doesn't need a lot of embellishment to be compelling.  I could add quite a few more to the list.  Heck, even Rudy was alright, and that was about Notre Dame. (spit) There were even some really sad ones from the '70s, whose titles escape me right now.  One of them was something like "The Brian [somebody] Song".  I think you get what I'm saying.   Football lends itself to drama in ways other sports don't. 

Consider this a general-purpose football/football movie thread.  Have at it.  And, oh yeah, one more thing:

GO BEAVS!!

Reader Personality Profile

Question 1:
When putting on your shoes, do you:

1. Put on one shoe, then the other, and then tie the laces?
2. Put on one shoe, tie its laces, then repeat for the other foot?
3. Not Applicable.  I'm gay so I only wear loafers.
4. Other.  Specify _____________

Question 2:
If you answered "1" above, do you tie the laces on shoe....

**BREAKING**   **THIS LAME POST INTERRUPTED BY AN URGENT MESSAGE FROM OUR HIGHLY ESTEEMED pRESIDENT**

"My fellow Americans, I am pleased to report that the ecoterrorist holding hostages at the Discovery Channel does not appear to have any ties to Islam.  Whew! Finally!  Let me be clear, not all terrorists are muslims.  We are all equally capable of freaking out and attacking random people for various reasons, and adherents to the Religion of Peace are no more prone to it than any other group in our society.  So just shut up about my administration's handling of the Gitmo trials, the Ground Zero Mosque, the Ft. Hood shooter, etc, etc.  Any one of us could snap under all the pressure we're feeling after 8 years of failed Bush policies.  So quit being so hard on muslims and get back to trying to find a job, and I'll see you at the golf course.  Tootles!"

Rocket on trial

Shown in Yankee colors instead of Red Sox so Manhattan Infidel doesn't kill me

Brought up on charges for lying to Congress?  Are you for real?  ARE YOU FREAKIN' SERIOUS?  You will never encounter a more wretched hive of scum and villainy than the US Congress.  If I try hard enough, I can think of maybe 3 or 4 individuals in that entire body who aren't themselves deserving of long prison terms.  The rest of them are chronic lying bastages whom I loathe.  If they were dying of thirst, I'd deny them even the sweat from 'twixt my cheeks.  Yeah, those cheeks.

Now they've got their panties Depends in a bunch over a retired baseball player who may have juiced a dozen years ago, and whether he was honest in his testimony about it?  Really?  When was the last time any one of these sheetstains in Congress was honest about anything?  Congress lies to us, they lie to the press, and they lie to each other.  BS is their native language.  You'd think they'd be flattered that Mr. Clemens bothered to learn their local tongue.  But no, they want to charge him with garbage that could possibly lead to 30 YEARS IN PRISON. 

Y'all should be thankful that I don't have comic book superpowers, 'cuz I really want to drop a giant boulder on Congress right now.  Grrr.
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Disclaimer:  I am not a Clemens fan.  Neither am I a Roger hater.  It's just that he never played on any teams I give a crap about, so to me he's always just been a good pitcher.  No more, no less.

Announcing the BarryGate 3000!

Want to keep troublesome pResidents off your property?  You need the BarryGate 3000!  Allows handy entry and exit to non-idiots, while keeping pResidents at bay.  Works just as well on nice days, when the pResident carries his pretty pink parasol.  Shown above with optional Slouching Amazon.  All yours for only 3 easy payments of $19.99 + shipping.


INSTALLATION NOT INCLUDED.  NOT EFFECTIVE ON WINDY DAYS WHEN THE LIGHTWEIGHT LIGHTWORKER MAY BE LIFTED ALOFT BY A STIFF BREEZE.  SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE HEADACHES AND NAUSEA.  OFFER NOT VALID IN HAWAII OR DC. 

Welcome to my nightmare

In the not so distant future, a militaristic China will come to collect on our debt.  Many will accede to their demands.  The spineless powers-that-be in DC will acquiesce in order to maintain their positions of comfort, like the Vichy of days gone by.  Some will resist.  They will take up arms.  They will fail.  They will be imprisoned behind fences and razor-wire.  And their meager rations will consist solely of...

These. 








Man and child alike will curse his fate.  In the evening stills, each will say to himself "Had I only known it would be this bad, I would have fought harder.  I would never have let them take me alive!"  They will scheme up dramatic plans for escape, while knowing sadly that the heavy bloat in their gut would prevent them from ever accomplishing such a thing.

OK, ok.  I know.  A little heavy on the drama, there.  But those pancakes are awful.  Last night after church, we got home a little late and nobody felt like cooking a real meal.  I scanned the contents of the freezer and found a box of frozen pancakes.  "Cool!" I thought to myself, as I dig on breakfast foods at any hour of the day and I was in the mood for something mild.  I was surprised to find that my wife had bought them, as she makes a pretty darned good pancake the old-fashioned way.  So I plopped a few in the toaster... The brand name "Krusteaz" should have been a tip-off that something bad was about to happen.  When the name of a product I'm about to eat conjures mental images of me chipping indeterminate goo out of an old bathtub with a chisel, I should probably stop and consider the direction my life is headed in.  But no...  They looked pretty decent and smelled alright as they were toasting. 

Add some butter and some syrup and take a bite... What the??? It tasted like an undercooked biscuit between two layers of thin cardboard.  The outside was hard but the innards were still kind of doughy.  More butter...  OK, that softened up the "shell" but it still tastes like crap.  More syrup...  Now the darned things are delaminating, like how the paper layer comes off a piece of waterlogged sheetrock.  But being a lazy old turd, I wasn't about to cook something else.  So I kept eating.  These stupid things are only about the size of a CD - I toasted 4 and should have been able to down them all with ease, but after 2.5, I was feeling VERY full.  The remainder became doggie treats.  Then as I tried to sleep, with bulging belly, the HEARTBURN kicked in.  C'mon!  It's a friggin' pancake, not a jalapeño chili pizza with extra grease!  Unbelievable, miserable, largely sleepless night.


15 hours later and I still don't feel quite right.  While searching up an internet image of these abominations, I found that amazon.com has an online grocery store, and they'll even deliver to your door. Yikes.  They want $3.24 for a pack of these.  Is anyone that stupid?  That'd be like paying the neighborhood brat $3.24 to deliver a sack of flaming feline feces to your front porch.  Avoid these like they're toxic.  Because I'm pretty sure they are.

Inbox runneth over

Every once in a while I send an email to the Lars Larson Show.  About half the time he reads them on the air.  He did so with the one I sent today, and replied back with this little image:

Ouch! I think that's the harshest critique I've yet seen.

TIME Magazine laments negativity towards Muslims

Time magazine has an article up about a wave of anti-mooselimb activity (!!!) sweeping the nation. They manage to cite three (3) instances: the cabbie getting stabbied (by a lib, it appears); "vandals" tacking up two small handwritten cardboard signs on a mosque in California; and finally, this guy:

Last night, a drunk man barged into a Queens mosque and shouted anti-Muslim slurs at the congregation during the nightly Tarawee prayers. He then proceeded to urinate on the prayer rugs and gave congregants the finger. Two men managed to subdue him and call 911.

They offer no other details about the guy, which in itself is somewhat telling.  If the perp were a Republican, conservative, Tea Partier, veteran, etc, that would be the headline so I think it's a pretty good bet that he is none of those.  I do not condone his alleged doings.  Crass and tasteless.  Funny as heck, too.  So I mean "crass and tasteless" in only the most "Ha ha! More, please!" sense of the phrase.

And curiosity is killing me. I just gotta know what was going through rugpisser's mind - to walk right into a mosque and do something like that?  Dude, it's a friggin' MOSQUE, not a Pacifist Quaker Family Center!!  Furthermore, dude, how are you even able to walk at all, with cojones that are so grande?  Please, please let more details be forthcoming!

Separated at Birth?

Trait	Senator Murkowski	WWE Dork 'Edge'
-------------------
Helter-Skelter eyes?	Yup	Yup
-------------------
Pursed, narrow lips you just want to backhand?	Yup	Yup
-------------------
North of the border?	Yup, Alaska	Yup, Canada
-------------------
Exaggerated browline you could use to split firewood?	Yup	Yup
-------------------
Vindictive sore loser who takes everything way to personal?	Yup	Yup

Ever seen on the same stage at the same time? NOPE!

Do the math, people!

Blogger Spam feature

Blooger FINALLY turned on the new spam filter for my site.  Some of ya have had it for several days, but I just got it yesterday.  So I turned off the word verification, just to see if the spamgrabber would be enough.  BAM! just like that, an old post gets this funky comment:

In every tom's time, at some time, our inner pep goes out. It is then burst into enthusiasm by an contend with with another human being. We should all be glad quest of those people who rekindle the inner inspiration

I am very uplifted by this comment.  I have long been a fan of special-ed free verse and this pretty much makes my day.


UPDATE:  Sorry, word verification is back on.  So far, I'm not so impressed with the function of this new"feature"

Submitted without comment

Saturday Reruns

Another inbox goodie, forwarded by a friend from church who has a pretty cool little poem at the top of her blog right now.

Parallels

For all of you who have made disparaging remarks about President Obama,

Please read the following!!

I'm sure most of us have read the so-called comparison of Lincoln and

Kennedy,but did you ever consider the relationship between Obama and

Lincoln?

You might be surprised.

Parallels of Abraham Lincoln and Barack Hussein Obama:

1. Lincoln placed his hand on the Bible for his inauguration. Obama used

The same Bible.

2. Lincoln came from Illinois . Obama comes from Illinois .

3. Lincoln served in the Illinois Legislature. Obama served in the

Illinois Legislature.

4. Lincoln had very little experience before becoming President. Obama

Had very little experience before becoming President.

5. Lincoln rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his

Inauguration. Obama rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for

His inauguration.

6. Lincoln was a skinny lawyer. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

7. Lincoln was a Republican. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

8. Lincoln was in the United States military. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

9. Lincoln believed in everyone carrying their own weight. Obama is a

Skinny lawyer.

10. Lincoln did not waste taxpayers' money on personal enjoyments. Obama

Is a skinny lawyer.

11. Lincoln was highly respected. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

12. Lincoln was born in the United States .Obama is a skinny lawyer.

13. Lincoln was honest, so honest he was called Honest Abe. Obama is a

Skinny lawyer

14. Lincoln saved the United States . Obama is a skinny lawyer.

  15. C' MON ADMIT IT, I HAD YOU WORRIED THERE FOR A SECOND OR TWO!

In God We Trust!