Tuesday, February 12, 2013

In and out list

What's in?  What's out?  What's hot?  What snot?

IN:  The two grandkids' birthdays are only a couple days apart.  Since they can't tell time or read a calendar, we can get by with only one birthday party.
OUT:  Since the live with me, it is reasonable to expect some of my smarts to rub off on them, and they'll (eventually) learn how to read a calendar.

IN:  Having said birthday party at the OTHER grandparents' house.
OUT:  The grandbrats come home with YET MORE noisy toys.

IN: Little wavy red lines under typo errors.
OUT: Typing "calenday" and seeing the little wavy red lines twice already in this blog post

IN:  Fisher-Price still makes the corn popper push toy.
OUT: They're just as obnoxious as they were 40 years ago.
IN: At least it doesn't use batteries.

IN: Hardwood floors so the wheels of corn popper push toy slide instead of roll, resulting in no popping noises.
OUT:  Grandbrat gets mad at lack of poppage and makes more noise than the toy.

IN:  Hilarity of watching Grandbrat the Elder try (and fail, miserably) to vacuum a leaf off the floor using corn popper push toy as if it were a Hoover Upright.
OUT:  She doesn't have the same enthusiasm for running the real vacuum.

IN:  Grandbrat the Younger's walking record so far: 9 steps before flopping buttwise on the floor.
OUT:  Her nine steps looked just like those of the very drunk driver in that episode of COPS who couldn't pass a field sobriety test.
OUT:  There's a drunk guy who can't pass a field sobriety test in pretty much every episode of COPS.
OUT:  Watching COPS.

IN:  Years ago, that Saudi guy who used to be my neighbor vigorously explaining how COPS is the #1 show in Saudi Arabia, complete with his staccato "Badda boy, badda boy, what you go to do?  What you go to do when come for you" rendition of the theme song.
OUT:  That I used to have a crazy Saudi neighbor.
OUT:  Watching COPS

IN:  The music made by Fisher-Price toys is much improved over the lame plink-plink music box kind of sound they had when I was a kid.  The sax sounds very real, and the guitar sounds just like an old hollow-body electric.
OUT:  Out of all the buttons on the dang thing, they only ones the grandbrat will push are Rockin' Robin and If You're Happy and You Know It.

IN:  Being not happy and knowing it.


  1. In: Saudi neighbor moved out.

    Out: 430 pound moron with 7 juvenile delinquent boys moved from West Virginia into the Saudi's old digs. Your new neighbor (named 'Tiny') just knocked on your door wanting to bum a couple of boxes of .22 long rifle rounds off of you. That, and Tiny was wondering if you had any pizza...

  2. IN: Living outside of town now, so the nearest neighbor is a couple hundred yards away

    OUT: Having one's sleep ruined by neighbor a couple hundred yards away, who's chasing the Canada Geese off his land. With a shotgun.

  3. IN: Being an empty nester (the silence is so beautiful!).

    OUT: Still shoveling money out the door like crazy to support kid #2 in college.

    OUT: Realizing that by the time she's self-supporting I'll be drooling all over myself.

  4. Yes Velcro IN: empty nester.

    OUT: The daughter in law calling every morning, "Dad, I didn't get any sleep last night. Can you watch the baby for a couple of hours."

    IN: Grandma coming to the rescue ...(I love that woman)

  5. Combine them all and get a crazy saudi neighbor with a corn popper toy singing bad boys whatcha gonna do when they come for you.

    And the point is? I have no point. I'm pointless today. Must be I'm still depressed from watching the State of the Disunion speech.

  6. In: Your grandkids live several hundred miles away.
    Out: Your grandkids live several hundred miles away.

  7. In: the neighbor's obnoxious barking rat finally croaked
    Out: the neighbor's son moved back home, with his wife, two kids and three hounds

    In: the youngest finally married and moved out ...nine years ago
    Out: she shows up at dinner time every night

  8. My oldest sister has three sons.

    Every birthday and Christmas they each got new drums.

  9. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

  10. What Buck said. Pepper's ex calls The Son's kids the "Grandcrazies." On occasion, she's right.

    In: The real estate listing with the incompetents finally expired.
    Out: The real estate listing with the incompetents finally expired.

    @MAX: Billy is one clever lad.


Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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