Friday Dog Blogging

Hey!  No flash photography while I'm working on my beauty sleep

 See?  I've been cute from day 1!

Jocelyn, we're done playing horsey!  Do you wanna know why?...

...'cuz I'm too sexy for my fur,

too sexy for my fur, too sexy!

Alright primadonna, cut the crap or I'll have to use my Mean Face^tm on you!

What?  I got a little carried away with the Mean Face?  Sorry!

Junk from between the sofa cushions

Manhattan Infidel kinda/sorta cried uncle. I s'pose that a threat of Blog War from me is about as scary as a fat kid threatening to snap you with a rubber band.  "It's one of the wide ones!  It could too leave a mark!"  Thanks to those who backed me on this crusade against Wham! and injustice.  

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The pResident spoke many words from his oval orifice last night.  The extent of his suckitude is well documented and I can't think of anything to add right now.  

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Below is a post that has been simmering in drafts for a few days.  Usually when a story idea isn't going anywhere, I just get frustrated and delete 'em without posting.  This is one of those stories.  It isn't very long, it isn't very funny, and the longer it sits the more stale it becomes.  It should just disappear forever, but my inner sadist wants to inflict a little pain right now. So here it is:

NOTE:  Taking a cue from Obama's recent interview on the Today Show, this post makes gratuitous use of the word "ass" in the non-donkey sense.  Consider yourself warned.

 [Elderly Shaolin monk] "Ahh, Turdblossom, we have been expecting you!"

[Obama] "Turdblossom?  Why can't I have a cool name, like 'Grasshopper'?"

[monk] "Name 'Grasshopper' die inglorious death with the man Carradine."

[Obama] "Whoa!  If you think that's a glorious death, then I must be headed for the Hall of Fame!"

[monk, rolling eyes] "Turdblossom, you are distracted.  Must regain focus.  Tell me why you here."

[Obama] "Ain't you been following the news?  The oil spill, Iran, North Korea, Gaza, my poll numbers are staining the toilet bowl, the economy, Michelle just wants to party all the time, I keep slicing my fairway woods, etc, etc.  Everything sucks.  I gotta start kicking ass.  But I don't know whose ass to kick!  I seek the wisdom to know where to start."

[monk] "Wise man say 'best to be ABLE to kick ass before setting off on a mission of asskicking.'  Turdblossom, you are nowhere near ready to begin this."

[Obama, angrily] "Watch what you're saying, old man.  Or I'll have to show you how we do things on the South Side."

[monk, extending open handful of pebbles] "Turdblossom, when you are able to snatch these pebbles from my hand, you will be ready."

[Obama] "Oooh!  I like that shiny one!" 

Obama lunges for the pebbles, but the monk quickly snaps his hand closed, catching Obama's fingertips.

[Obama] "Owww!  Sonuva...!" [shakes hand in pain, pulls out cellphone] "Rahm, have my manicure appointment bumped up to today.  Yeah.  Little problem down here, I'm gonna need it sooner than normal.  K?  Thanks." [hangs up]

[Obama] "That hurt!  What was the point of that?"

[monk] "I try to tell you, Turdblossom, but you no listen.  When you able to snatch the pebbles, you will be ready.  Now we begin the training.  Paint this fence.  No, up and down.  Like this...  Ahh, yes, you are learning already..."

Weeks of training go by, and the oil spill continues to spread...

[Obama] "I think I'm ready to try snatching those pebbles again."

[monk] "Turdblossom, have you read Art of War?"

[Obama] "Nah.  I'm more of a Rules for Radicals kind of guy."

[monk] "Yes, I know.  Had you read Sun-Tzu, you'd have known that the greatest victories are those that are won without even firing a shot.  That is the ancient Chinese tradition."

[Obama] "I don't get it."

[monk] "It is also the modern Chinese tradition.  You see, I have a freshly painted fence, a freshly sanded floor, and a bright shiny car.  And you are still a wuss!  Ha-ha!" 

1, 2, 3, 4, I declare...

... A BLOG WAR!!!

One of my favorite things is when one blogger gets ticked at another.  Ace is a master at this, routinely beating up on LGF and Andrew Sullivan.  Good for lotsa laughs.  But now I find myself embroiled in one of my own.  You see, a certain funny guy who calls himself Manhattan Infidel put up a post the other day that caused a Wham! song to get stuck in my head.  I told him that wasn't appreciated.  Instead of doing the polite thing and apologizing, he instead switched into full-auto mode and blasted me with the entire song.  To me, this is a declaration of war.  It is a heinous offense.  Force must be met with force.  So, I beseech thee my readers:  click above and hasten over to his site to tell him what you think.  Suggested replies include something humorously derogatory about the NY Yankees.  Or something comically lauding the Boston Red Sox.  Unfortunately, my readership overlaps his quite a bit, meaning this could get ugly.  But I know you can do it.  I'm countin' on ya!

From my inbox

Here's a little something that was forwarded to me.

Some people have the vocabulary to sum up things in a way you can understand them.

This quote came from the Czech Republic.

Someone over there has it figured out. We have a lot of work to do.

"The danger to America is not Barack Obama but a citizenry capable of entrusting a man like him with the Presidency .

It will be far easier to limit and undo the follies of an Obama presidency than to restore the necessary common sense and good judgment to a depraved electorate willing to have such a man for their president. The problem is much deeper and far more serious than Mr. Obama, who is a mere symptom of what ails America. Blaming the prince of the fools should not blind anyone to the vast confederacy of fools that made him their prince. The Republic can survive a Barack Obama, who is, after all, merely a fool.
It is less likely to survive a multitude of fools such as those who made him their president."  

I agree with this sentiment. I also think the "multitude" of fools is shrinking down to a manageable number of fools, as more and more people realize (belatedly) that rather than a Lightworker we've elected just an inept narcissist ideologue.

What can brown do for you?

Still swamped.  No time to write.  Thankfully I have a super-cool UPS driver that gives me ideas.  He pointed me at this wild rant.  I can't figure out how to embed it so you'll have to follow the link.

I dunno who this Manning guy is.  I know I have some readers in Louisiana - maybe they can put me some knowledge about him. There are no swear words, but it is, well, let's just say the guy doesn't mince words.  Hee.


UPDATE:
Snarky Basterd found a YouTube version and
OregonGuy hooked me up with the embed code.

I Love Big Brother Oil

The disaster in the Gulf is rightfully a big news item.  It is a legitimate disaster.  Every reasonable action to halt the spill and mitigate its effects should and must be undertaken immediately.

That said, a quick gooble search reveals that there are over 4000 platforms active in the the hurricane-prone Gulf of Mexico.  The reason this spill is so newsworthy is because such accidents are SO RARE!  In the time I've taken to type these few words, it is almost assured that somebody somewhere has died in an auto accident.  They happen all the time.  Hence, they don't get much attention.  Maybe a little tiny blurb in a local paper.  But an airline crash?  Headlines, weeping and gnashing, extensive coverage.  Because they are infrequent.  So it is with oil spills. 

Consider the difficulty in extracting this product from deep beneath the sea.  Transporting it to a refinery.  Selling it to me for less than $3 a gallon and yet slightly profitable.  Long miserable hours on a platform in the middle of nowhere, hoping that the next storm isn't the Big One.  The efforts put forth by the oil industry are borderline heroic!  They face these difficulties for very thin profit margins, and allow freedom for an ordinary guy like me to get in his car and go for a trip pretty much anytime, anywhere I want.  Derivatives to oil are used to fertilize crops which feed BILLIONS of people.  Life as we know it and enjoy it would NOT EVEN BE POSSIBLE without the oil industry.  How many little kids' bellies are full today because of the oil industry?  How many lives have been saved?  How many lives have been drastically improved by easy transportation (via fossil-fueled vehicles) of people, foodstuffs, and other goods?  And for all the BILLIONS of gallons that are routinely handled and processed, there are HARDLY ANY ACCIDENTS!  Why are there NO MONUMENTS TO THE OIL INDUSTRY???

I love being able to drive across town.  I love eating bananas that were grown in places like Chile and transported on BIG OIL-BURNING SHIPS to our ports and distributed by BIG DIESEL-BURNING TRUCKS to the local grocery store which I drive to in my little gas-burning car.  I LOVE BIG OIL!!!