Barry tight security

Cabinet members seated along one side of the room, czars along the other side.  Obama enters

[Rahm Emanuel] "Hear ye, hear ye!  This meeting is called to order!"

[Obama] "Hey guys.  It's pretty cool having the de facto government and the government de jure all gathered together like this.  So.  Anyway.  I go on TV in a couple hours to announce our new air travel security policies.  What have you come up with?"

[silence]

[more silence]

[Sec DHS Janet Incompetano] "What do WE have?  Sorry, sir, we thought you called this meeting to tell us what YOUR plan was, so we could then implement it."

[Obama] "What?  Does that mean you have nothing?"

[Incompetano] "Well, there are these full-body scanners we'd like to install."

Safe School Czar Kevin "Li'l Fist" Jennings enters.

[Jennings] "Sorry I'm late."

[Obama] "No problem.  You haven't missed anything.  Nobody has a clue what to do."

[Jennings] "Did I hear something about full-body scanners?"

[Incompetano] "Yes.  These devices can see right through clothes, revealing everything.  Umm, uh, I mean whether the person might me trying to smuggle a weapon or destructive device."

[Jennings, raising fist, joking tone] "I got yer destructive device right here!"

[Obama] "That sounds like the beginning of a good plan."

[Incompetano] "Especially once we add internet connectivity to the scanners.  That way I can check out the hot ladies as they pass through."

[A few of the less freakish cabinet members squirm uncomfortably, but most nod in eager agreement]

[Obama] "Let's do it."

[Jennings] "Sir, as safe school czar, I worry that schools might be an attractive target to terrorists.   I therefore request that these scanners be also installed in schools."

[Obama] "Yes.  Of course.  Let me be clear, protecting our children is our highest priority.  Just let me know how many you'll need."

[Jennings] "Thank you." [voice quivering like when Beavis sees something on fire] "Heh, huh, huh, heh.  Yeah.  I'll watch the scanners personally.  Heh heh.  Yeah.  I'll check each little boy out to make sure he's not a terrorist.  Heh heh.  Yeah.  24/7.  I'm that dedicated.  I'll watch the scanners myself.  Heh heh. Yeah."

[Obama] "Very good.  Our countrymen will thank us for attending to our kid's security."

[Obama, continuing] "So I guess that's our plan.  Wait.  How 'bout we also hassle the crap out of travelers until they no longer want to fly?"

[Carol Browner, Climate Change Czar] "Yes! Yes!  That will also drastically cut down on CO2 emissions!  It is a total win/win scenario!  You, Mr. President, are the smartest man ever!"

[Obama] "Well, it's not really win/win until we all go out and buy stock in the company that makes the body scanners.  We'll be ordering a LOT of them.  Then it will REALLY be win/win!" [Evil laugh] "Bwahaaahaahaa!"

[Obama] "Thank you for your input.  We have devised an excellent set of security policies.  Now, I'm off to the press conference to make the big announcement.  Toodles!"