Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Operation Slow and Furious

More guilty than Denver the Dog

Ladies and gentlemen of the media, thank you for coming to this press conference.  First of all, it needs to be understood that I have the mental faculties of an amphibian.  More specifically, a green tree toad.  This level of acute stupidiosity more than meets both the legal and medical thresholds of a Disability.  It further needs to be understood that I am an American with a disability, and fall under the protection of the Americans with Disabilities Act.  This act makes it a crime to discriminate against those with disabilities, and requires that reasonable accommodations  be made for those with disabilities.

Congressman Issa and Senator Cornyn have not complied with the ADA.  They have violated my civil rights.  In a most discriminant manner, they have demanded that I produce thousands and thousands of documents.  Neither have they allowed for the reasonable accommodation I need: Time.  It must be understood that a person - who lacks the smarts of a salamander born with fetal alcohol syndrome - can't possibly oversee such a vast network of agencies and operations and also produce all these documents instantaneously.  I need time.  More specifically, I need until Wednesday, November 7.

Additionally, Congressman Issa and Senator Cornyn used that tone when addressing me.  It is self-evident that any person who would be snotty to a retard is a hate-filled hater.  This alone is enough to warrant a Hate Crimes investigation.  But also, because I hate them.  I will be issuing a warrant for their arrest later today.

And finally, as a person with a disability, I ask for the reasonable accommodation of a wheelchair ramp so I can get the wheelbarrow full of documents up to the industrial shredder.  Thank you.

UPDATE:  IMAO links!  Thanks! and now at The Big Feed, too!


  1. The photo mandates eye-bleach - yeesh. Aren't you supposed to put a warning label on stuff like that? Not surprising that they'd install the shredder upslope rather than down, though.

  2. Great pic!

    The "reasonable accommodation" of time. I'd like to see him doing' time.

  3. I can't live in a world that is so cruel to the differentially-abled like Holder.

  4. Cornyn used to be one of my senators until I became a NEW Mexican. Now I'm saddled with two Dim-o-crats.

    Poor me.

  5. I say we hold him in a mental facility in Missouri while we pump him full of antipsychotics. Then we throw him to the wolves.

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  7. Now I feel bad because it's not his fault. I LIE!! I LIE!!! bahahahaha! I'm from Missouri too, Velcro, but I see no reason to poison perfectly good wolves with antipsychotics. LOL

  8. How dare you compare Eric Holder to an amphibian. What did amphibians ever do to you to warrant such a terrible comparison?

  9. On behalf of salamanders the world over, I regret your decision to lump him in with us.

  10. Clearly, you are raaaaacist against fetal-alcohol-afflicted salamanders.

    For shame, Innominatus. For shame.


Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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