Thursday, April 1, 2010

Splash of the Titans, Finale

As the troupe of adventurers headed east, a strange enchantment began to affect them.  Each grew increasingly complacent, and erelong all were relaxing at the trailside.  One by one, they nodded off into a nap they felt they much deserved.  As they reclined, they dreamt the American Dream: of houses and little leagues and vacations and sending kids to college.  The scroll lay unguarded.  And then it was snatched from them...
[Napolitanus] "Zeussein!  Zeussein!  Our operatives have the scroll!"

[Zeussein] "YES!  But it is not enough to merely possess it, it must be destroyed!  Only the wrath of the Krackhead can accomplish this.  Place the scroll on the great rock near the sea, that the Krackhead may finally finish it off!"

The Krackhead, having heard it's call for release, slips its surly bonds beneath the bay and begins to gather boulders from the slimy seabottom.  First, the TARPus boulder, then the Stimulus boulder, and finally the HadesCare boulder.  The Krackhead emerges and begins to pummel the scroll with the large stones...


Bobo, the Pissed-off Clockwork Eagle swoops in and begins to squawk loudly, stirring the mortals from their slumber.  "Oh no!  The scroll is missing! Make haste!" they say amongst themselves and restart their journey eastward.  They reach the shore and see the scroll suffering grievous blows at the hand of the Krackhead.  The mortals begin to fight back, but their arrows do little to slow the giant gorgon.  Bobo flies off in a great hurry and soon returns with a canister.  Ancient runes upon it read Botoxus Antidote-us.  A brave mortal waves the container in front of the Krackhead and cries out.  "Look!  Pork!  Yummy, yummy porkbarrel pork!"  The insatiable gorgon wrests the canister away and consumes it greedily.  Centuries of botox treatments are instantly undone!  Wrinkles form.  Leathery skin yields, and the beast's foul red ocher seeps out, spoiling the surrounding seas and turning the waters red as blood.  The wrinkles grow deeper and more furrowed, until the connective tissues fail and immense heaps of Krackhead meat fall splashing into the bay, triggering a massive tsunami.  The ensuing Red Wave crashes ashore, reaching far inland - even to Olympus, DC!

[Zeussein] "Crap!  What a mess!  We could clean up day and night, all the way to November, and still not be done.  I fear we may never recover!"


  1. They'll get slapped with EPA fines if they don't get that Krakhead mess kleened up!

    This is very good; short but good. It gives me hope for change, wait, strike that, optimism for a rout in November.

  2. Huzzah! But what of the Scroll? Tell us, tell us!!!

  3. I kept waiting for the introduction of Pericles and Testicles.

    Mebbe next time.

  4. Yeah -- ol' Zussein doesn't like "mopping up" after other folks' messes.

    Indeed, aA, what OF the Scroll?


Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.


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