If Dick Cheney and Chuck Norris got in a whizzin' contest,
- A. This is stupid, juvenile and disgusting. I don't want to play any more (0 points)
- B. We'd all drown!! (2 points)
- C. Not sure. But whatever you do, don't cross the streams! (5 points)
- D. They're both older than the dirt they're standing on. Not much would happen (-2 points)
If Joe Biden and a garden-store sack of worm castings got in a Scrabbletm contest,
- A. The turd would win.
- B. Biden would be disqualified for spelling "jobs" with only three tiles.
- C. It would end in a scoreless draw.
Did you ever hear the one about the the blond student who slept with a Mexican gangbanger? Her English teacher said she had to ¡do an ese! Sorry... Here's the real question... Describe, without using swear words, barry's pitching performance the two times he has thrown out the ceremonial "first pitch."