Friday, April 23, 2010
Meet the Candidates!
Hey, everybody! It's time to talk about the candidates for Governor of Oregon!
Top row, L-R
John Kitzhaber (D-bag), former Governor. This political retread had his two terms back in the '90s but can't wait to get back in the mansion. PERS retirement benefits have gotten a lot fatter since he left office, and he'd no doubt like to squeeze a little more out of the system. He brought us the wildly successful and wildly expensive Oregon Health Plan. Wondering if there'll be rationing under barrycare? Look to Oregon to see how that will work out. Since demand for coverage far exceeds available funds, we have a LOTTERY to see who can enroll!
Pros: Looks good holding a fishing pole during photo-ops. I could look at his 'stache and maybe pretend he is actually John Bolton and the last 30 years of bad democrats have just been a bad dream.
Cons: Too numerous to list
Bill Bradbury (D-bag), former Oregon SecState. This hero of the left is a greenie par excellence and devoted Al Gore groupie. Also very skilled at manipulating petition requirements to keep citizen initiatives off the ballot.
Pros: Able to do the impossible: run to the left of Kitz
Cons: That schoolmarm looking-over-the-glasses thing would make me want to punch people.
Chris Dudley (R), former NBA player. This man invented 6.02x10^23 new ways of missing free throws in the most ugly ways imaginable. Seems genuinely conservative.
Pros: Looks kinda like Mike Rowe standing in front of a funhouse mirror.
Cons: Prone to noncommittal answers to routine questions. If he already acts like an experienced politician before even holding office, what'll happen after he's been in office for a while?
Bottom Row, L-R
Bill Sizemore (R), agitant. This anti-tax crusader is the bane of public-sector unions. Would slash government spending and have fun doing so, while having trouble keeping his own personal finances in order.
Pros: Think Chris Christie with a big mouth and a desire to rub lefties the wrong way. Would provide a bottomless supply of sound-bites.
Cons: Knows many cons, having spent some time in the pokey.
Allen Alley (R-ino), insider. Worked in previous dem administrations and seemed a little too comfortable doing so.
Pros: He could actually win and put an R in the mansion for the first time since I was in elementary school.
Cons: If he actually won, I don't think I'd notice a difference.
Jon Lim (R), businessman. Says all the right things. Would make the state more jobs- and business-friendly. Seems like more of a wonk than a leader, but that is OK.
Pros: Says all the right things. Would make the state more jobs- and business-friendly.
Cons: Thick accent. Sorry if this is too un-PC, but turning the state around is going to take some powerful communication and persuasion skills. Dunno if he can really stir people up when they have to listen closely just to understand his words.
So, there we are. I guess I'm leaning towards Dudley or Lim at this point. Just wish I could get really fired up about somebody in this race.