cheeseburgers and pies like you're the second coming of Bill Clinton! It's totally undermining my efforts against obesity."
[Obama] "You know what's really undermining your War on Obesity? Your butt! It's huuuge! If your right cheek wanted to talk to your left cheek, it'd have to first dial '1' for long distance!"
[MichelleO] "Ha ha. Very funny, Mr. Flab. It's time for you to get some exercise."
[Obama] "I get plenty of exercise. I golf. A lot. Even more than Booosh."
[MichelleO] "Big deal. You ride around in a golf cart making 'vrooom, vroom' noises. And you make Gibbs carry your golf bag. You get a better cardio workout when your do your one-arm bong curls and needlepoint projects, and that ain't saying much. We are going out in the woods and going on a nature hike. It'll be good for you. Besides, it'll help with your 'green' cred."
[Obama] "The woods? There are like, you know, spiders and snakes and stuff out there. No way."
[MichelleO] "It's OK. I'll protect you."
[Obama] "Really? Well, then, I guess. As long as it is a short trip."
Later that day, deep in the woods...
[Obama] "Look! A butterfly!"
[MichelleO] "Barry! That's not a butterfly, it's a cougar! Run!"
[Obama, scampering away in a panic] "Gaah! I'm gonna be kitteh chow!"
[Obama, regaining composure] "Not appreciated."
[MichelleO, laughing] "You crack me up. You shriek like a banshee that's been snapped in the azz with a damp gym towel."
The couple continue down the trail. They experience beautiful scenery and the serenity of nature. They amble past a pond, where the pResident attempts to skip a rock but misses the water entirely. "The rock slipped out of my hand" he later explained to the press corps(e) - who actually believed him.
[MichelleO] "Barack, isn't this wonderful? I'm loving this time outdoors with you. I love you so much... Barack? Barry? Barry?"
She turns and looks back, and sees her husband collapsed on the trail some distance behind her.
[MichelleO, running back to her man] "Oh no! He's got a chunk of pie stuck in his pulmonary artery! This is bad!"
[MichelleO] "Barry! Wake up! You can't leave me now!"
[Obama, coming to] "The pain!"
[MichelleO] "What's the matter? Is it your heart?"
[Obama] "Nah. I got a little pebble in my Bruno Magli patent leather hiking boot. I was overcome by the excruciating pain, but I'm OK now."
[MichelleO, rolling eyes] "Pathetic. Truly pathetic. I'll meet you back at the White House."