Guilt Innocence by Association

Big Ben will face no charges following accusations of something bad by some girl in Georgia.  Duh, he is a Steeler!  Steelers do no wrong! Just making the roster of so awesome a team causes one to be above reproach. In fact, being the starting QB for the Steelers automatically makes Ben the closest thing to Infallible Man as humanity has ever come. (Except when he holds on to the ball too long and takes a sack - that pizzes me off severely - but let's not get distracted...)

That Ben would be absolved comes as no surprise to most sentient beings, for it is a well-established fact of science that nobody who suits up in the Black & Gold has ever failed to be anything less than an Extremely Awesome Individual. Apparently the DA was not paying attention during his 7th grade science class, or he'd have known about this "Steeler = Awesome Axiom."  Let this be a lesson, kiddies:  pay attention in science class, or you might end up facing the embarrassment of confronting scientific with only the testimony of some anonymous gold-digger floozy.

Next time, Mr. DA, brush up on your basic math and science before considering charges against a Steeler!