Monday, April 12, 2010

Guilt Innocence by Association

Big Ben will face no charges following accusations of something bad by some girl in Georgia.  Duh, he is a Steeler!  Steelers do no wrong! Just making the roster of so awesome a team causes one to be above reproach. In fact, being the starting QB for the Steelers automatically makes Ben the closest thing to Infallible Man as humanity has ever come. (Except when he holds on to the ball too long and takes a sack - that pizzes me off severely - but let's not get distracted...)

That Ben would be absolved comes as no surprise to most sentient beings, for it is a well-established fact of science that nobody who suits up in the Black & Gold has ever failed to be anything less than an Extremely Awesome Individual. Apparently the DA was not paying attention during his 7th grade science class, or he'd have known about this "Steeler = Awesome Axiom."  Let this be a lesson, kiddies:  pay attention in science class, or you might end up facing the embarrassment of confronting scientific with only the testimony of some anonymous gold-digger floozy.

Next time, Mr. DA, brush up on your basic math and science before considering charges against a Steeler!

7 comments:

  1. Foolish mortals! Thou darest attempt to hold a professional athlete responsible for his actions?

    May the almighty smote your offensive line!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Didn't you know that the Steelers walk on water? They can do no wrong (sarcasm).

    The police couldn't actually hold them accountable for their actions?

    All professional players must be held accountable for their unlawful acts.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Uh-oh. There are some misunderstandings here...

    Of course ordinary athletes must be held accountable. Steelers, however, are not ordinary. They do not stoop to such vile behavior! Steelers stomp their opponents into the mud at Heinz!

    Well, except in years after they win Super Bowls...

    ReplyDelete
  4. You know, I was inclined to believe that Big Ben was innocent of the sexual harassment charge that was leveled against him last year, but now with a second one in as many years... I'm not so sure. WTF, Big Ben? I thought you were better than that. Then again, you are the genius who was riding around on a motorcycle with no helmet.

    ReplyDelete
  5. $100,000,000 contract + 2 Super Bowl Rings + millions of adoring fans = Big Ben...or Big Head?

    I'm with CL on the thing last year. 2 for 2? Makes ya think.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think this guy bares a lot of watching. You know the saying, "third time's the charm."

    ReplyDelete
  7. I think Big Ben might have a problem.

    The problem is that Rofflburger is just too dreeeaaammmy for his own good!

    [mancrushswoon/]

    ReplyDelete

Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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