Thursday, March 31, 2011

Comment(s) of the Week

Andy says this one's been going around, but I hadn't heard it yet:
Solution to the problem in Libya: They want a new Muslim leader. I say, give them ours.

A few posts back I received:
I don't just reach into the fridge and grab, either. Not that there's anything necessarily wrong with dog food; I'd swear I caught a hint of coriander root as it was in the microwave

 In the context of the whole comment it makes total sense. But on its own it sounds really, well, a little too Charlie Sheen which is why it cracked me up.  So I'll leave skip the attribution for now. 

Y'all are awesome!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

To Arms! No, not here. In Libya.

Jay Carney is out there telling us that nothing is decided yet, but pResident Peace Prize has already signed off on arming the rebels in Libya.  Yeah, well, arming the mujahadeen in Afghanistan was all fun-n-games while they were shooting down Soviet helicopters but then a funny thing happened...  They morphed into the Taliban and Al-Qaeda and turned those guns on us.  But things are different, now.  We have The One on our side so, no worries, right?  If everything goes to crap he can always go to Cairo and give another speech.  It'll all be cool.

Most US States: No private ownership of full-auto weapons, period

Class III States like Oregon:  Full-auto allowed if the gun was manufactured prior to 1986 and you pay $200 per year per gun for the Class III permit.

Psycho Al-Qaeda-linked muzzies killing each other in the desert:  "Here's your boatload of free machine guns and ammo, courtesy of the American taxpayers.  Enjoy!"

As heard on Lars Larson

RINO, as insults go, has kinda been used up.  And some RINOs are worse than others.  For the worst of the worst a caller suggested

Democrat
In
Repulican
Territory


DIRT.

I like it.  Spread it around.  Just don't get any on your good pants or mom will get mad.

Blogger weirdness - is it just me?

I'm a caveman that still uses Blogger's "Follow" feature. I'm getting a craplot of stuff from writers-images.blogspot.com appeaing in the right-hand pane of the "blogs I'm following"even though I've never followed them.  It appears to be random junk, much if it a couple years old and in sketchy English.  No such blog appears in the left-hand pane so I can't unfollow them.

So they've either:
1. figured out how to insert their feed into my list;
2.  Hijacked and renamed one of the legitimate blogs I follow;
or,
3. Google/Blogger is just all temporarily confunkulated.

I haven't heard of #1 being an issue but it wouldn't surprise me if somebody figured out how to do it.  Both #2 and #3 seem pretty believable to me, because the blogger help forums are all lit up with complaints right now about blogjacking and being mislabeled as a spamblog and shut down.

Anyway, if you're a Blogger user I'd recommend you do a backup.  Export a copy of your blog and save a copy of your template.  Then eat a marachino cherry while dancing the macarena counterclockwise, just to make sure.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

¡Gracias, Senatores de Oregón!

Gracias, Senators of Oregon.  We are very pleased that you overlook our illegal status and give us the in-state tuition price.  When we go by the OSU and see all the new beeldings being built and all the more students come in each year so it be so crowded, we think for sure that you not pass this beel.  But you listen to the RINO Frank Morse and think it is buena idea to give us more after already spending much dinero on our K-12 education.  We think Frank Morse is a great hombre.  Especially that he geev us cheaper college than he geev to people in Idaho or Washington that are barely even outside the Oregon even though they are legal.  Yay for Frank Morse!

What is even more hilarioso is that we go to the OSU anyway even before this.  After you geev us all the financial aid and we get muy borracho and sleep with your girls we drop out.  Then we steal deefrent ID and not pay back the financial aid.  So it no matter how much you charge for the tuition.  We no pay either way.  But it is kind of you to give us even more preference. 

Kinetic Military Action Figures

Dear Mattel,

My name is innominatus and I grew up with Mattel products.  I enjoyed them through my entire youth.  Well, except when my mom would redden my butt with a piece of your orange Hot WheelsTM track.  That stuff stings like the dickens but I'm sure you already know that.

Anyway, now that war is a thing of the past, little boys and Rachel Maddow will need new action figures to play with.  Below is a rough conceptual drawing of my idea.

These are kinetic military action figures - the toy of the future.  From left to right:
  • Nurse Wretched Pelosi.  Rank: Major.  She has a red cross emblazoned on the front of her uniform so people know she's a nurse and not a demon.  Her specialty is ramming healthcare down the throats of wounded kinetic military action figures.  The oversize sunglasses are removable but it is recommended they be left in place as they hide most of the stretchmarks on her face.
  • Sheriff Joe Biden.  He is actually a PFC but prefers to be called 'Sheriff.'  His gun is loaded with blanks but he doesn't care because he looks cool with it.
  • Sawgeant Bawney.  Shown reclining on optional knapsack.  Does his best work when operating in the rear echelon.
  • Odmiral Obama.  Commander of the kinetic military action figures.  This figure is double jointed so he can bend in any direction and assume any posture or position at any time.
  • Not shown:  Corporal Huckabee.  Looks, acts and sounds just like Gomer Pyle.
My proposal is to license these figures to Mattel in exchange for half the profits derived from selling them.  I strongly recommend that you accept these terms.  If you refuse, I will sic my team of shyster lawyers on you, to sue you for the pain and suffering my mom applied to my bratty azz with your Hot WheelsTM track.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Losing followers and other non-politcal random stuff

Topped out at 87 followers a couple weeks ago, but now I'm down to 82.  Maybe I should go back to my old brand of deodorant.

-------------------

Dunno why windshield washer fluid comes in such big jugs.  It takes me a couple years to go through a gallon of that junk.  So there's a half-empty jug of it sitting on the counter in my master bathroom, and it's been there about 6 months.  Having a jug of windshield washer fluid sitting on my bathroom counter for 6 months doesn't make me weird, does it?

-------------------

Youngest stepkid is looking to move out as soon as her tax refund shows up.  Hallelujah!  Should be any day now.  Unfortunately, oldest stepkid got rotten grades last term so the powers-that-be declined to renew his financial aid...  Which means he doesn't have rent money...  Which means he needs to move back in with us for a while until he leaves town next month to start a job he has lined up... Which means if that tax refund doesn't come in SOON I'll have 5 adults, 2 toddlers and 2 big dogs in my 3br place...  Which means when you check this blog you'll only see bullet holes on your screen because I've totally lost it!

-------------------

So I bought a couple rat traps (not the "humane" live ones, the NASTY ones, hee hee) and set them under the house to try to stop that scratching noise.  No bites.  Hmmmm....  Then a couple nights ago there was a noise that sounded like it was coming from the laundry room.  Further investigation revealed that the noise was coming from under the bathtub in the adjacent bathroom.  I stomped on the tub and then heard a scurrying noise UP the inside of the wall!  I popped open the access to the upper crawlspace (not a proper attic, just rafters and insulation) and found rodent poo.  Dang!  When I bought the rat traps the clerk said they'd been selling the heck out of them as the whole area is seeing a lot of infestation.  So it looks like MAXRedline was right when he suggested that it could be a rat.  I'd never even heard of them being a problem around here, but I should have known better than to doubt MAX.  He's pretty much always right about everything.  :)  So I scattered some yummy, yummy rat poison in the crawlspace.  So far nothing else seen or heard yet.  Hopefully the critter (rat or otherwise) took the bait somewhere else and isn't presently festering somewhere in my walls.  Ugh.

-------------------

As of a couple days ago, the weatherman said it was the 7th wettest March on record here, with still a week to go.  I think the rats are just looking for higher ground.

-------------------

This space reserved for good news if there ever is any...

Friday, March 25, 2011

Oregon is great except when it sucks

From oregonlive.com by way of Instapundit comes a way-too-intimate look at Oregon's "First, um, couple" at the National Governors Association meeting in DC. I don't really expect you to read the oregonlive story.  But it is kind of funny in that "makes you want to give somebody a swirly" kind of way.  It is so loaded with annoyances and absurdities that commenters there are wondering whether it is satire. 

To those not in the know, Governor Kitzhaber is shacking up with a young'un named Cylvia (who all-too-gladly includes a pic of herself in a very backless gown).  Maybe the idea of the governor living in sin is bothersome to you; maybe you don't care.  But Cylvia has been making FAT BANK on government contracts for the last several years.  When asked when/if she and the Gov would marry, she said that wasn't happening because then she wouldn't be able to bid on all those LUCRATIVE GOVERNMENT CONTRACTS.  Maybe the First Lady Shack-Up-Honey getting to bid is bothersome to you; maybe you don't care.  Maybe you're just danged freaking glad you don't live in Oregon.

By the end of the article, Cylvia is even comparing herself to Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.  If you don't read the article you should at least bookmark it for those occasions when you need to induce vomiting.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Barry pressing press conference

You!  Yeah, you!  Don't talk to me like that!  I'm like, important and stuff.

[White House Press Secretary Jay Carney] "Sorry I'm late.  Things have been a little crazy around here."

[reporter] "Where's Obama?  Where's Gibbs?  And who are you?  You look like, like you're barely old enough to be a shift manager at Arby's and you're standing behind that podium?"

[Carney] "Taking your questions in order, The President is still outside the White House.  He's not technically locked out, it's just that Hillary was in a bad mood so she went around the sticking her claws in the keyholes and breaking the tips off so the keys wouldn't go in.  Gibbs resigned a couple months ago.  I'm the press secretary now.  And, yes, I am old enough to be a shift manager.  In fact I'm the assistant store manager.  I still smell like roast beef - you can come up here and take a sniff if you don't believe me - I haven't had a chance to shower because, like I said, it has been crazy around here."

[another reporter] "When will Obama talk to us about the war in Libya?"

[Carney, using "scare quotes"] "What war in Libya?  It's not a war.  It is a 'kinetic military operation.'  This is one of those 'overseas contingencies' where we have to deal with a 'man-caused disaster' by way of a 'kinetic military operation.' "

[another reporter] "What's this about giving away our missile tech to Russia?  We've spent billions of dollars developing this, and now we're going to just hand it over?"

[Carney] "Russia is a partner in peace.  We do nice things for our partners in peace.  Besides, Putin said he'd judo-slam Obama into the thorniest rose in the Rose Garden if we don't.  And billions of dollars?  Why are you acting like that is some kind of big deal?  It was mostly funded with money borrowed from China, so we'll probably just give it to them, too.  And it'll get the Nobel Committee to chill about revoking Obama's Peace Prize.  We all know how important that is."

[press corps] **stunned silent disbelief**

[Carney] "Doesn't anybody want to talk about the NCAA Tournament?"

Take a humor break

If you're a snooty highbrow NPR listener you should stay away from this video that Jihad Gene has up.  The rest of you will likely find it quite funny.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Dancing in the ruins

Mysterious carved image gazing off to the far left


Field reporter Wi Hung Lo reporting for innominatus news

pResident Obama returned home to the USA today to face a gathering storm of muddled Libyan policies, fears of radioactive fallout, and as-yet-unplayed golf courses.  The First Lady and kids are still touring South and Central America and are expected back in a few more days.  While visiting some ancient Mayan ruins, an Obama child speaking on conditions of anonymity said "it's a lot better when daddy's not around.  We don't have to keep explaining things to him over and over."

After a visit to Teotihuacan, "The place where gods are born" the other Obama child asked "So this is where daddy was born?  I thought you said he was Hawaiian!  I'm so confused!"  Wrapping up the tour, the First Family visited the ancient stone statues left by the Moronian Empire on Keister Island.  The guide explained "Nearby, Easter Island has become famous for giant carved heads made from stone.  This recently discovered island has similar carvings, but ground-penetrating radar reveals that beneath the swelled heads are small, spindly bodies.  None have yet been excavated, but is conjectured that the inhabitants of the island threw like girls and therefore were unable to defend themselves." 

Thursday, March 17, 2011

UN/NATO to strike Libya?

The roof, the roof of Libya's on fire
We don't need no water, let the...

So the Euros finally feel like doing something about the madman.  Fine.  I have no major problems with the French and others riding to the rescue of the rebels.  But as far as I'm concerned, this whole clusterf is not worth ONE SINGLE AMERICAN CASUALTY!

I suppose I "should" care more about the human suffering going on there.  But... I just don't care that much...  I s'pose that makes me some kind of "Cold Heartless Bastard"TM.   Call me what you will.  I'm convinced that these rebels who are now begging the West to pull their butts out of the sandtrap are the same people who used to ululate and cheer and shoot their AKs in celebration of every downed airliner or bombed disco club.  I'm further convinced that once the West pulls their butts out of the sandtrap, they will quickly revert to these disgusting behaviors. 

Unmanned drone aircraft?  I'm OK with that.  Ramming a cruise missile right up the Colonel's tentflap?  I'm VERY OK with that.  But not one American boot on the ground or one American pilot put in peril of being shot down.  These barbarians aren't worth any more of our blood.

------------------------------------------------
UPDATE:

I am now a blogging celebrity.  At least for the moment...


Google has me in the top 2 or 3 (depending on wording) for this topic.  Adjust your opinions of me accordingly.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Monday, March 14, 2011

Defense and Transportation merger






[Obama] "In light of our continuing budget problems and inability to rein in the deficit, I have deigned to come down from above the fray and announce an important merger:  Effective immediately, the Cabinet departments of Defense and Transportations shall be merged.  Stop and think...  Managing logistics is a crucial component of modern warfare.  Maintain troop diversity, you know, the proper ratios of gay/straight, white/minority, etc, is very challenging.  As is delivering the halal MRE's to our faithful soldiers that only eat halal.  Such critical issues can only be solved by an enormous bureaucracy.  Thankfully, we already have one in place that can step right in to fill the void.  Heading this new combined department will be Neil Goldschmidt, the former Secretary of Transportation under Carter, Governor of Oregon, and Mayor of Portland.  Anybody who has managed to get away with what he has gotten away with deserves a place on my Cabinet.  Unfortunately he is unable to join us at this announcement, however, the #2 at this new department is here.  He's like an Admiral or something, and there are some other supporters we'd like to hear from...

[Admiral] "Thank you, Mr. President.  Though it may seem an unlikely marriage, we are already finding new and exciting synergies we can make much use of.  For a while, the Navy has been working on a very powerful railgun.  And Transportation has had a fetish for high-speed rail.  So why not a high-speed railgun?  It makes so much sense.  For decades, the difficulty of defending against inbound missiles has been described as 'hitting a bullet with a bullet'.  So now we've changed the game entirely.  It is now 'hitting a bullet with a bullet train' and the odds of success are much higher."

[Greenie eco-guy] "Plus, the power of the railgun is astounding.  It can launch the bullet train all the way across town in about 2.5 seconds.  This allows me an extra few minutes in the morning to smoke up my wake-n-bake bowl before heading out to my shift at the co-op.  That is, when we miss the missile.  When we hit the missile, all aboard die in a violent crash - but it knocks that awful polluting missile out of our pristine skies, so it's worth it."

[Corporate fatcat] "Not only that, the fiery launch burns the mange and most of the stink right off these hippies.  When they arrive at the co-op to rinse the manure off the organic eggplant, you can hardly smell that patchoulli."

[Obama] "There you have it.  This will save taxpayers billions of dollars and manages to please every interest group.  This is what you can look forward to on those rare occasions that I step up and lead."

Friday, March 11, 2011

Day of Rage kind of a letdown

It was announced that today would be a Shiite "Day of Rage" in Saudi Arabia.  Not much has happened.  I guess they were all raged-out from being enraged all the other days of the year.  Did you know that there is one day a year when they aren't enraged?  Yes.  It is Shiite Hugs & Kittens Day.  But because of their angry moon god they use the lunar calendar, which even that computer that won Jeopardy can't figure out.  So we can never tell when Hugs & Kittens Day will fall on our "real" calendar.  Usually it is between "Death to Jews Day" and the other "Death to Jews Day" but not always.  It's a real pain that can mess up a guy's travel plans.

There has to be a way to make lemons out of this lemonade, and I think I have a plan.  First, we have to recognize that the Shiites are under a lot of stress - not unlike the seams on MichelleO's stretchpants - and all we need to do is push them just a little harder and they'll snap like Dan Marino's Achilles.  I volunteer to go to the Middle East and talk smack until they go (even more) postal...

"Hey Shiite Abdul!  Hussein, who happens to be a Sunni, said his dictator is bigger'n your dictator!"  

"Psst, Shiite Jamaal.  Yeah, you didn't hear this from me, but that Sunni guy named Ahmed is going around telling people that Abu Bakr could have totally kicked Ali's butt, but Ali was too afraid to fight."

Stuff like that.  Then while they're all mad at each other and busy chasing each other around with scimitars, I implement the second part of the strategy:  Gather all the Mexicans that are awaiting deportation and stuff them in airplanes.  Airdrop them into the southern parts of all the oil-producing mooselimb countries.  But first tell them "We now have Apache helicopters patrolling the border with orders to shoot on sight.  So the only way back in is to dig a tunnel.  So don't you dare try to dig a tunnel or we'll be really mad."  Then push 'em out of the airplane.  Yes, they'll have parachutes. I'm not that mean.  They'll land in the desert somewhere in the Middle East and think they're back home in Mexico, 'cuz, let's face it - one piece of arid crappy land pretty much looks like any other piece of arid crappy land.  And knowing them, they'll immediately start tunneling north.  Then their tunnels will strike oil.  I'm even willing to share some of the oil with the tunnel diggers.  That's called Compassionate Conservatism (which I'm generally opposed to but I'm feeling more compassionate than normal right now).  The best part is that the mooselimbs won't even notice since they're too busy chasing each other around with scimitars.  Oil prices will go back down and everybody will live happily ever after.

What do you think of this plan?  Pretty clever, isn't it?

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Union label

Matt, the Head Honcho at the Conservative Hideout gives us a look at the tactics employed by the unionistas in Wisconsin.



What a fine bunch of folks...

Seven Mondays this week

I betcha most of you are getting weary of my problems-around-the-house kind of stuff.  Tough.  If you don't like it, you can upgrade to Premium Membership and receive stuff that is funny.  Otherwise all you get is more of the same...

My bike got a flat.  OK, that's not so big a deal.  But then my wife rolled over in the middle of the night and elbowed me in the eye.  Been married for 8 years and that's the first time anything like that has happened.  And the house smells a foul kind of sour - I'm pretty sure the grandson left a sippy cup of juice somewhere but we can't find it.   I think he takes after his other grandpa and is trying to whip up a batch of prison pruno...

Then this morning while I'm in the shower I can hear "Crap!  Aw, CRAP!" and then the smoke alarm went off.  It takes a lot to make me cut short a nice hot shower, but that qualifies.

It turns out my wife was making me some toast, which I appreciate.  However...  A friend of ours works at the county records office and noticed a goof on the dog license renewal we just sent in.  So she called the house to talk to my wife about it (and catch up on chit-chat).  She was explaining to my wife that we could have taken a $3 discount because the boy doggie is fixed but she can't issue a refund that's less than $10 so do we want to start over or just not worry about the $3 and wow haven't seen you in a while how are the kids I bet the grandkids are getting big yadda yadda.  Oh things are good, the grandkids are growing so fast HOLY CRAP THE TOAST IS ON FIRE!  Not just "scrape the burnt part off and it will still be edible", but actual freeking flames coming out of the toaster.

So now the house smells like a campfire and I'm not sure the smoke alarm survived my attempt at shutting it up. I'll be lucky to survive to the end of the week.

UK Census?

I'm getting a lot (for me, at least) of google hits from UK folks looking for funny answers to census questions.  Is it census season over there?

Just tell them that your name is Mohammed and there are 37 other guys named Mohammed living with you in your little flat.  The government checks should begin to arrive within days.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Is it Poltergeist or Pet Semetary?

I am immortal!
I have inside me blood of tigers!
Hello, Charlie
No, David! That's not what I meant!
That is NOT winning!









Sorry.  I'll stop.

But ya gotta admit that current democrat Congressman Wu and future democrat Congressman Sheen go together like peanut butter and jelly.
---------------------------------

Anyway.  Last week I blogged about my home improvement adventures.  I'm starting to wonder if the house was built over an ancient burial ground or something.  So far no zombies crawling out from under the swimming pool, but I think that's mainly because I don't have a swimming pool.  Since that post, something has failed/gone wrong/acted weird pretty much daily.  There must be some kind of evil at work...

Like the kitchen faucet, geysers have figured prominently.  First off, the side of the sink with the garbage disposal wouldn't drain.   When I turned on the disposal, water slowly went down but started coming up the other side of the sink.  It was almost like there was some kind of nefarious nexus of evil connecting the two.  Or maybe a pipe.  Over the course of a couple hours, the water eventually receded from both halves.  Some months ago my stepdaughter needed to borrow our plunger.  Then she moved back in with us but I can't find that plunger in any of her stuff.  Poltergeists messing with my plunger again.  So I filled the sink with really hot water and turned on the disposal, hoping to shake the clog loose.  Phew!  The fountain in front of Caesar's Palace shoots up from the other side of the sink and gets yuckwater all over me and the counter and the appliances and the floor.  Poltergeists messing with my plumbing again.  I wish that weird old lady from the movie was still alive, 'cuz I could really use her services right about not.  Don't go into the light, I mean, don't go into the pipe!  Then all the water went down and things have been fine since, with no further effort from me.  Bizarre.

Except that the poltergeists just moved downstream a little, 'cuz the next day, the bottom of the dishwasher has about 2" of standing water in it.  I tried to clear the drain thingy, but there was no clog.  Just the broken-off end of a steak knife that somehow managed not to cut me up.  Hah!  Take that, poltergeists!  You suck!  You didn't cut me!  But it wouldn't drain for the life of me.  So I stuck the handle of a spoon into the little slot to trick the machine into thinking the door was closed.  Then I turned it on.  Like I said above, geysers figure prominently.  But I did manage to turn to little knob to the part of the cycle where it should drain, and it did!  Then I got re-acquainted with the mop and some towels.

The next day, I'm wiped-out tired from having to get up early for the second job.  I'm trying to sleep when the dogs blow an o-ring and totally freak out.  Some time later they were settled enough for me to hear a scratching noise under the house.  Very clearly.  Last year I had a similar problem.  Turns out that the vents in the foundation have wire mesh built into them, and one of the mesh screens was torn out.  Some critter was wriggling through that little gap and crawling around down there.  Even banging on the pipes.  It was EXTREMELY annoying.  So I took a couple of those concrete pavers that formed the raised flowerbed and blocked the vent with 'em.  Within a couple days the noise stopped.  I figured I'd have the stink of a rotting possum or somesuch to deal with, but that never happened.  Just peace and quiet.  'Til the other night.  And this wasn't just a little mouse-ish kind of scratch.  This was a pissed off animal wanting out.  I think it is an undead possum that's been scheming up his vengeance ever since I trapped him under there.  Or Biden looking for his Pez dispenser.  One of the two.  'Cuz I can find no way a decent-sized scratchy critter can still get under my house.

If I don't get some relief from all this, I'll end up being the third side of the Wu/Sheen triangle of crazy.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Monday, March 7, 2011

Death to houseflies!

Alright, that last post was about as fun as a root canal.  To lighten your mood, be aware that I just shot down a housefly with a propane torch.  He had been buzzing around and bothering me for much of the day.  I had the torch out to warm a piece of brass 'cuz it's kinda old and the clearcoat was getting brittle.  Nothing like a little blowtorch action to "wake up" the clearcoat on an old sheet of brass.  Fly came within range and with a quick flick of the torch I got just enough of him.  He spun out and landed on his back doing pathetic little figure-eights on the floor before I made him well-done.

I AM SPARTA!

A new whirreled record!

Congrats to our betters in DC.  They have shattered the previous record for deficit spending in a month. 

USA!  USA!  USA!

The new record is $223 billion.  For one month.  The shortest month, even.  Good golly I'm just glad it wasn't a leap year!  I suppose I ought to be pizzed off about this, but it is just so incomprehensible.  OK, as an illustration, I'm not big on heights.  Going up ordinary ladders, stuff like that, is no big deal.  But leaning over the handrail of a bridge?  NO!  Screw that!





That's the Yaquina Bay bridge in Newport, Oregon.  Once some friends and I walked across it.  Or, more accurately, they walked across it, while I wussed out just before halfway.  Got to the expansion joint where I could see freekin' water through the gap and I couldn't cope.  Turned around and walked back.  Briskly.  But put me in a passenger jet at 40,000' and I'm totally fine.  The altitude is so much that it becomes surreal.  Though I'm literally about 100x higher than on the bridge, it doesn't bother me.  It is so far from normal that I guess my brain doesn't place it in the "dang, we're scary high up there, ain't we?" category.  In fact, I think I could even skydive.  But bungee jump off a bridge?  NO WAY, NO HOW.  Not even for a Scooby Snack.  If your life depended on me bungee jumping, well... have a nice afterlife, pal.

That's where I'm at with the budget.  Small deficits (ladder)?  Eh, no big deal.  $200 billion per year deficits (bridge)?  What the bloody heck are these morons spending it all on?? Make them stop!!!  $223 billion in a month?  Whee!  We're so high, I can see the curvature of the Earth!  It is so many light-years beyond ridiculous that I can't even process it.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Stylish Blogger redux

Have any of you received multiple Stylish Blogger Awards?  I now have at least three.  The original from Tale of Two Buckskins, one from Six at the Warrior Class, and also from Harvey at Bad Example.  The Supreme Court hasn't ruled on it yet, but I'm pretty sure that having the most Stylish Blogger Awards makes one cooler than one's peers.  So, for the moment, I am sure that I am "all that." 

A couple days ago, it was suggested at Manhattan Infidel's place that my cult and his be merged.  But I think the only Stylish Blogger he's been awarded is the one I gave him.  Which hasn't yet even been accepted and displayed.  Why would I stoop to merging with somebody who only has ONE SINGLE Stylish Blogger Award?  And I bet he'd want to share the Leadership Role.  This would lead to a standoff like we're seeing in Wisconsin.  Messy stuff.  Then the government would want to act as arbitrator and it would get even messier.  Ugh.  I'm not sure if I even want to be in a cult if I can't be the full-time leader.


See, in terms of pure "looks" I have what it takes to be a cult leader.  My mug would look right at home alongside these freaks.  But I lack the "charisma" that is required.  Geez, that Applewhite guy was able to convince guys to whack their own sacks off.  Koresh got his people to die in a fire and Jones served up the Koolaid.  I don't have that kind of sway over people.

[chant] YOU WILL FIX ME A SAMMICH
AND THEN YOU WILL LEAVE A
WITTY COMMENT. [/chant]

See?  Nobody does what I tell them.  This post has been up for, like, five minutes and I still don't have a sandwich.  So I think the whole cult merger thing is a bad idea.  I think blogging in obscurity is more my speed.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Now let my people go!


I am Attorney General Eric Holder.  I AM the law.  You will NOT screw with me, or MY PEOPLE.  If you have any doubts about who are "my people" then you are obviously not my people, because my people know what I'm talking about.  And don't you all be getting all Pharaoh on me with that "Equal Protection Under the Law" stuff, because, like I said, I AM the law.  See?  It says so right here.  So shove that in your cracker peace pipe and smoke it, and I'll see you in Philly on election day.

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