Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Is it Poltergeist or Pet Semetary?

I am immortal!
I have inside me blood of tigers!
Hello, Charlie
No, David! That's not what I meant!
That is NOT winning!









Sorry.  I'll stop.

But ya gotta admit that current democrat Congressman Wu and future democrat Congressman Sheen go together like peanut butter and jelly.
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Anyway.  Last week I blogged about my home improvement adventures.  I'm starting to wonder if the house was built over an ancient burial ground or something.  So far no zombies crawling out from under the swimming pool, but I think that's mainly because I don't have a swimming pool.  Since that post, something has failed/gone wrong/acted weird pretty much daily.  There must be some kind of evil at work...

Like the kitchen faucet, geysers have figured prominently.  First off, the side of the sink with the garbage disposal wouldn't drain.   When I turned on the disposal, water slowly went down but started coming up the other side of the sink.  It was almost like there was some kind of nefarious nexus of evil connecting the two.  Or maybe a pipe.  Over the course of a couple hours, the water eventually receded from both halves.  Some months ago my stepdaughter needed to borrow our plunger.  Then she moved back in with us but I can't find that plunger in any of her stuff.  Poltergeists messing with my plunger again.  So I filled the sink with really hot water and turned on the disposal, hoping to shake the clog loose.  Phew!  The fountain in front of Caesar's Palace shoots up from the other side of the sink and gets yuckwater all over me and the counter and the appliances and the floor.  Poltergeists messing with my plumbing again.  I wish that weird old lady from the movie was still alive, 'cuz I could really use her services right about not.  Don't go into the light, I mean, don't go into the pipe!  Then all the water went down and things have been fine since, with no further effort from me.  Bizarre.

Except that the poltergeists just moved downstream a little, 'cuz the next day, the bottom of the dishwasher has about 2" of standing water in it.  I tried to clear the drain thingy, but there was no clog.  Just the broken-off end of a steak knife that somehow managed not to cut me up.  Hah!  Take that, poltergeists!  You suck!  You didn't cut me!  But it wouldn't drain for the life of me.  So I stuck the handle of a spoon into the little slot to trick the machine into thinking the door was closed.  Then I turned it on.  Like I said above, geysers figure prominently.  But I did manage to turn to little knob to the part of the cycle where it should drain, and it did!  Then I got re-acquainted with the mop and some towels.

The next day, I'm wiped-out tired from having to get up early for the second job.  I'm trying to sleep when the dogs blow an o-ring and totally freak out.  Some time later they were settled enough for me to hear a scratching noise under the house.  Very clearly.  Last year I had a similar problem.  Turns out that the vents in the foundation have wire mesh built into them, and one of the mesh screens was torn out.  Some critter was wriggling through that little gap and crawling around down there.  Even banging on the pipes.  It was EXTREMELY annoying.  So I took a couple of those concrete pavers that formed the raised flowerbed and blocked the vent with 'em.  Within a couple days the noise stopped.  I figured I'd have the stink of a rotting possum or somesuch to deal with, but that never happened.  Just peace and quiet.  'Til the other night.  And this wasn't just a little mouse-ish kind of scratch.  This was a pissed off animal wanting out.  I think it is an undead possum that's been scheming up his vengeance ever since I trapped him under there.  Or Biden looking for his Pez dispenser.  One of the two.  'Cuz I can find no way a decent-sized scratchy critter can still get under my house.

If I don't get some relief from all this, I'll end up being the third side of the Wu/Sheen triangle of crazy.

12 comments:

  1. The fountain in front of Caesar's Palace shoots up from the other side of the sink and gets yuckwater all over me... Sorry Inno, but I laughed right out loud when I read that! Must have been exercising my psychic or psycho side 'cause I could see it coming. Had a similar experience to that when I was on the tools and we were pulling in pull strings for some empty conduits using a shop vac. Being in the lower mainland where it rains (a lot) they were full of water and while I was standing over one of them waiting for what we called the 'mouse' to blow out of the conduit, Mt Vesuvius blew stagnant water all over me. Needless to say my journeyman laughed his ass off all day over that one.

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  2. Future Congresscritter Sheen... Outstanding Inno!

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  3. Enjoyed your post! I know how it is when "it rains it pours" here too, ( in my basement)

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  4. “Beware the Jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!"

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  5. Dude, these are omens. I think this is how God started the original flood. He let it rain for 40 days and nights, and then finished it off with Innominatus's sink geysers!

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  6. Yeah, a plunger is a MUST when the disposer barfs into the other sink. Been there. Happens every time The Mrs. puts potato peels in the disposer.

    Finally, I was away for a couple of days and she did it. Again. She had watched me clear that crap with a plunger, and since I was gone, had to do it herself.

    Cured her from putting them down the disposer, though.

    Dude, I don't know about the hemmed up possum, but I know they are nocturnal, which makes the bastards insufferable. I mean, they sleep all day when you feel like screwing around with 'em, and screw with you all night when you don't.

    Satan invented possums.

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  7. I think Charlie would be one of the most sane people in congress.

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  8. INNO ... use the force ....

    Get a big bucket and put it under the "Trap" past the garbage disposer. Your dishwasher empties into this disposer too. Remove the trap and clean it out. You should snake past that too. You will probably find thick black grease.

    NOW, rinse the dishes before putting them into the dishwasher. Grease in a frying pan goes into an old can and put into the frig until trash day.

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  9. This is just an elegantly funny post. Totally unlike Charlue Sheen, who wouldn't recognize elegance if it gnawed on his ankle.

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  10. Caesar's Palace got to me LOOONG time!!!

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  11. Geysers are evil. Except in Yellowstone.

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  12. The clot associated with your disposal: as you've noticed, the two drains are connected. It is generally best to plug the drain on the non-disposal side when working on the disposal. As well, it's worth remembering that the term, "disposal" is bandied about rather loosely. It will not handle grease, many bones, nor even fibrous material such as celery or potatoes over the long haul. It is, however, very efficient at disposing of leftover beans, macaroni, and Jell-o.

    Your dishy-washy thing is tied into the same line, and the dishy-washy drain line needs to be elevated above the disposal for optimal performance. If the drain line is improperly installed below the disposal, your dishy-washy will work for a comparatively short time, then issues like refusing to drain, re-washing with dirty water, etc. will occur.

    As for the varmint issue: this one is difficult; it could be possum, raccoon, or rats. In my limited experience, I'd guess the latter.

    Possums generally prefer a tire tossed under a porch as their natural habitat, and will generally avoid crawlspaces when presented with such alternatives. The ideal solution in your case would be to get a '69 Camaro and put it up on blocks in the front yard, with a couple of tires tossed under it for good measure. This is ideal habitat and is virtually guaranteed to ensure that they won't take up residence in the crawlspace or under the porch. Remember that possums and cars have long had enduring relationships.

    I don't think your issue is a raccoon, because they are party animals. Some years ago, half a dozen or so of them held dance parties on the roof of my house, beginning at approximately 2 a.m. nightly. My initial approach, which involved climbing up there, armed with a mop, met with limited success; the party broke up but resumed the next night. As well, running around in the dark two stories up didn't seem conducive to my long-term health.

    I determined that they were climbing from my fence onto the roof, and so I took a 3-foot by 3-foot length of poultry net - which naturally tends to roll into a tube-shape, and tacked it onto the top of the fence near the roof. The roll remains there to this day, and the raccoons have moved their parties elsewhere.

    Hope this helps.

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Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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