Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Bye Bye Bobby






Hello.  My name is Robert Gibbs.  You may have seen me on your TV dodging questions from guys like Jake Tapper and Major Garrett.  What you're not hearing is the real reason for my "departure" from the job as White House Press Secretary.  See, 2011 hasn't gone so well for me so far.  A few days ago, I went to the Fashion Fountain to take advantage of their post-(unmentionable religious holiday) sale.  But they were totally sold out of pink silk neckties.  I wasn't coping very well with that, and had a little meltdown...

So Barry says "maybe you should, you know, 'go spend more time with the family' " but I'm from Alabama.  Last time I was there, I wasn't very welcome.  They say mean things like "Your kind ain't welcome 'round here."  The only one that was even a little nice to me was hard to understand, as he was in desperate need of dental work.  I think he said something like "squeal like the pig that you are" but I'm not sure.

Then I tried out for "Biggest Loser" for reasons that don't really need explaining.  But this season Biggest Loser is doing a "couples" version and I couldn't find anybody willing to be my teammate.  You'd think that in this bad economy that we inherited from Boooosh that lots of folks would be willing to tolerate me for a few weeks, to get that shot at $250k.  But I guess that a quarter mill just isn't enough.  Can't buy me love.  Sorry.  I know I'm rambling but, you know, I need to air these things out...

So.  Anyway.  Barry has mentioned that he wants me to work on his 2012 campaign but I thoroughly expect him to get slaughtered.  I'm not sure if I can handle any more disappointment, so I think I'll pass on that offer.  So for now I'm unemployed and running out of options.  If you have a spare room, or even an RV in the driveway that you're not using this winter, please let me know.  I have nowhere else to go.

6 comments:

  1. If he can shovel snow I have a corner in my garage I will rent to him for oh, say 10 grand a month. If he wants the whole garage, well that will take some serious cash, mainly because I don't like the little rat bastard.

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  2. I understand he is going to tour with Baghdad Bob - The Two Bobs Comedy tour.

    It's going to be hilarious.

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  3. Now there you go again, innominatus...making my day ;-D lol!

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  4. BTW the captcha word was 'obias'. Now what do you suppose that would mean?

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  5. You can stay in ma RV over thar by that cliff, Bobby

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  6. MY RV is full-up. Sorry, Bobby.

    ReplyDelete

Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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