Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Are you paying attention?

Let's see how closely you follow current events...

1.  CNN recently apologized for the existence of Wolf Blitzer, whose name violates CNN's new policy against inflammatory rhetoric.  Their reasoning was:
  • A.  Wolves are scary and sometimes beat up on sparkly metrosexual vampires
  • B.  His name reminds people of Nazi armored units plowing through Poland
  • C.  His name is too similar to a cheap beer once preferred by NW rednecks.
  • D.  His name evokes violent images of my Steelers pounding Pretty Boy Sanchez into the turf
  • E.  Other.  Explain___________________

2.  Representative to Oregon's 1st District David Wu (D)  is experiencing some staffing problems.  This is because:
  • A.  He continues to claim that there is a Klingon in the White House when it really is a wookie.
  • B.  He is an insufferable buttpain
  • C.  The economy is so good that his staffers have gone on to better positions
  • D.  He is an insufferable progressive buttpain
  • E.  Other.  Explain____________________

3.  President Obama's weight loss has been attributed to intestinal parasites.  This diagnosis is:
  • A.  Correct.  He was exposed to parasites during one of his many "head up his rearend" episodes.
  • B.  Correct, but he couldn't have caught the parasites that way.  If the parasites were already present when he got his head stuck there, then...  In other words, it's like the chicken-or-the-egg problem.
  • C.  Incorrect.  His weight loss is due to the stress and strain of incessant golf and vacationing.
  • D.  Incorrect.  His weight loss is due to the First Lady stealing all the food off his plate.
  • E.  Other.  Explain_____________________

Highest scorer on this quiz will receive no prize, other than bragging rights.  Which, of course, is the greatest prize of all.  Now git after it!

13 comments:

  1. 1. D. Obviously.
    2. E. After seeing that Loughner guy in Tucson, they clearly recognize the symptoms of mental illness and they're getting the heck out of there.
    3. E. He's back on the smack. He's been scoring some primo heroin on his overseas trips. Seriously, why else would anyone go to Indonesia?

    ReplyDelete
  2. 1) E - He is a jackass, not a wolf.

    2) E - He has a "D" attached to his name.

    3) E - He is a parasite and is eating his own words.

    ReplyDelete
  3. 1) A

    2) D

    3) E. Carter is astral projecting himself into Obama's body. It's simple physics. Two objects cannot occupy the same space.

    ReplyDelete
  4. 1. A

    2. D

    3. D

    I wanted to use E on a couple, but my brain caught a parasite.

    ReplyDelete
  5. 1. E. Wolves are scary and sonmetimes beat up on sparkly metrosexual vampires from Nazi Panzers.

    2. E. He stopped drinking in July. The Party's over. (although TJB's answer makes a heckuva lot of sense, too!)

    3. E. Correct. Ewwww.

    ReplyDelete
  6. 3. E. Explain.

    Ciggies. Any fool knows that. Other than the foregoing, I think ya shoulda had an "all of the above" option. ;-)

    wv: jumjqo. Dang. The Chinese have taken over Google, too.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Is this going to be on the final? If I knew there was going to be a test I would have studied.

    ReplyDelete
  8. As I noted, that's a Ferigi, not a Klingon.

    ReplyDelete
  9. That would be "Ferengi," MAX R, says "Moogie."

    And you have a point there. He does appear to abide by the Rules of Acquisition!

    ReplyDelete
  10. 1) F: he neither embodies the strength and resourceful tenacity of a real wolf NOR the quickness of one who blitzes.

    2) I wouldn't know, but from the materials provided on the test, he's a nutjob. He also appears to be a Dummicrat, which may explain the first part of my explanation.

    3) He is getting in shape to run in 2012...run from the Presidency, since he has finally seen his totally inadequate preparation for the job at hand. He is up to a 40 minute mile...owed in part to the cannister of compressed Virginia Slims smoke that he carries with him on his training jogs.

    That's all I got.

    ReplyDelete
  11. "His name is too similar to a cheap beer once preferred by NW rednecks."

    Oh... I thought you were going for Blatz:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentin_Blatz_Brewing_Company

    ReplyDelete

Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...