1. CNN recently apologized for the existence of Wolf Blitzer, whose name violates CNN's new policy against inflammatory rhetoric. Their reasoning was:
- A. Wolves are scary and sometimes beat up on sparkly metrosexual vampires
- B. His name reminds people of Nazi armored units plowing through Poland
- C. His name is too similar to a cheap beer once preferred by NW rednecks.
- D. His name evokes violent images of my Steelers pounding Pretty Boy Sanchez into the turf
- E. Other. Explain___________________
2. Representative to Oregon's 1st District David Wu (D) is experiencing some staffing problems. This is because:
- A. He continues to claim that there is a Klingon in the White House when it really is a wookie.
- B. He is an insufferable buttpain
- C. The economy is so good that his staffers have gone on to better positions
- D. He is an insufferable progressive buttpain
- E. Other. Explain____________________
3. President Obama's weight loss has been attributed to intestinal parasites. This diagnosis is:
- A. Correct. He was exposed to parasites during one of his many "head up his rearend" episodes.
- B. Correct, but he couldn't have caught the parasites that way. If the parasites were already present when he got his head stuck there, then... In other words, it's like the chicken-or-the-egg problem.
- C. Incorrect. His weight loss is due to the stress and strain of incessant golf and vacationing.
- D. Incorrect. His weight loss is due to the First Lady stealing all the food off his plate.
- E. Other. Explain_____________________
Highest scorer on this quiz will receive no prize, other than bragging rights. Which, of course, is the greatest prize of all. Now git after it!