Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Joseph Robinette Biden, Mmm Mmm Mmm

Biden emerged from his undisclosed location yesterday and announced that we are now in a depression. Well, not all of us. Just some of us. Reminds me of that whole "2 Americas" thing. This despite Joe's claim from just a few days ago that the stimulus was working even better than expected, and despite Joe's praise of Arlen Specter for being the crucial vote that got the stimulus passed just in time to avert a depression. I dunno. I guess it makes sense in his universe.

But I really like Joe. I almost never agree with him, but if he came to my town I'd make an effort to go there. Obama, not so much. Wouldn't cross the street to meet him. But if Joe knocked on my door, I'd invite him in. Seriously. When we put Joe in the unemployment lines in about 3 years, I actually hope he moves in next door. Imagine the interaction we'd have over the back fence, like a bizarro-world version of Wilson and Tim the Toolman. I think it would kind of go like this:

Day 1. "Hi, I'm Joe. I was almost President. Back in 1846, I was with my great-great-grandpop when he discovered that the mud on his land just outside of Scranton was actually the world's best pottery clay. He had a real good thing going there for a while, selling clay to the Chinese who made it into Mink Dynasty vases and stuff. Of course, that was all before the pelicans came..."

Day 2. Sound of the air compressor in Joe's workshop. *chugga*chugga*chugga*. Sound of Joe's nail gun *k-phht*k-phht*k-phtt*. Sound of Joe's screams *gahh!*gahh!*gahh!*. Sound of ambulance siren *vreer*vreer*vreer*.

Day 3. "Gee, innominatus, I don't know what's up with your dogs. Did you train them to poop on my property, or did they think of it themselves?"

Day 4. "Um, innominatus, uh, I was showing my grandkid how to hulahoop. But when I got dizzy I kinda muffed the catch and it got away from me and the wind got hold of it and blew it in your backyard. Can I go back there and get it? Thanks, man."

Day 5. "Hey, innominatus! I finally figured out how to drink a CapriSun through my nose. Don't believe me? Watch this!"

Day 6. ???

5 comments:

  1. Don't believe me ... watch this ...

    Thanks again for the great laughs.

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  2. Biden is the only comic relief I get out of Washington. He's the male equivalent of a dumb Dora.

    ReplyDelete
  3. lol...i can so see this happening. but that creepy smile. how could you stand to look at it for any period of time?

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  4. Did you know that you'll have to remind him to breath?

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  5. Funny, I could actually see this in my mind's eye. Kind of like a dilly 50's sitcom. Then the doggies escape and chase him over the fence, and bite him, in the butt....hard....more ambulances. Keep one on call.

    I'm glad he finally surfaced from his undisclosed bunker. WHY is obugger keeping him on ice?
    I smell something fishy.

    ReplyDelete

Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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