Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Barry deliberate thought process


(innominatus news network exclusive report)

President Obama continues to suffer the same political setbacks in October that characterized his August and September. Despite the clever parliamentary tactics of Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi, there remains no healthcare industry seizure bill on the books. Congress' approval numbers now smell like week-old lutefisk, and the electorate is increasingly wary of congressional leadership's weaselly ways. Not only are the people demanding a chance to read the final bill before it is voted on, they are demanding rubber gloves to wear while leafing through the pages of the bill - just in case any of the stupid contained therein is ink-soluable.

On the international front, things are even worse. A recent Google Earth overflight of the Qom nuclear site in Iran reveals corpses of dissidents arranged in the desert to spell out the words "screw you obama" in Farsi. The war in Afghanistan is going poorly, while strategy is re-evaluated and re-evaluated. Barry's well-documented failure in Copenhagen is turning out to be the biggest presidential embarrassment since Jimmy lost that fight to the little rabbit. Addressing the assemblage of reporters on Air Force One recently, the President confided: "I really thought doing whatever I want and blaming it on Bush would get me at least through my first term. I'm saddened that it is so early in my term that those methods are failing. I don't have a 'plan b' yet. That's why I'm being so deliberate in deciding what to do in Afghanistan, Iran, Gitmo, etc. You see, it turns out that everything I said back in the campaign is now coming back to haunt me. Over and over again. Kinda like that ingrown hair on my buttcheek that keeps coming back. And I don't really have the political capital left to win people over when I change my mind. So, the big decision I've made is to not make decisions. I'm just going to drag my feet until the problems go away. I even had a special poster made up. If I can't decide how not to decide, I just throw a dart at the poster. Well, ok, sometimes I have to throw a lot of darts before I finally get one to stick, but you get the drift. That tells me how to avoid deciding for a while. Then something else comes up and we forget all about the previous problem. I think I can ride that horse all the way to re-election."

4 comments:

  1. I like 'weasly ways'. Cheers.

    ReplyDelete
  2. He's the One. Just ask him.

    Being a water-walker might not be as easy as he thought it was.

    However, we who oppose Dear Leader can't sit on our laurels either. The snake isn't dead by a long shot.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am constantly amazed at how you get these inside-the-brain speeches from Obeyme...I KNOW he thinks this stuff, but he never actually SAYS it, and for you to have the transcript, it's just awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Crack reporting by the tireless studs at the INN!

    ReplyDelete

Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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