Monday, October 26, 2009

The barry high priority of golf

[Biden] "G'morning, sir! How's your game doing lately?"

[Obama] "Wretchedly awful. I just missed a two foot putt."

[Biden] "I do that all the time."

[Obama] "I know. But after the embarrassment of that first-pitch mom-jean thing, I am bound and determined to outdo Bush at something athletic. My best chance seems to be at golf. But my short game is killing me. All those extra strokes on my putts really add up."

[Biden, manic laughter, gasping for breath between guffaws] "Ha!... Strokes!... Putz!... Hehee! No wonder you spend so much time out here on the green!"

[Obama, overly upset] "Joe! Da**it, Joe! Shut up!"

[Biden] "G-haahaahaaa!" [bent over laughing uproariously]

[Obama] "JOE! I said PUTTS! With one of my patented whistling esses at the end of the word! I did not say putz!"

[Biden, still convulsively laughing] "Ahh, haa, m' m' my side! It's splitting! Haaahaaahee!"

[Obama, infuriated, whacks Joe in head with putter. Joe is knocked cold out.]

[Obama] "Oh my gosh, what have I done? I just struck down my best foreign policy advisor!! How will I ever figure out what to do in Iran, Afghanistan, West Korea?" [shakes Joe gently] "Joe, wake up! You're OK! Wake up!" [Biden remains unresponsive]

[Obama makes call on cellphone]

[911 dispatch] "911. What is the nature of your emergency?"

[Obama] "Vice President Biden just hit himself in the head with a golf club."

[911] "Again?? He should wear a helmet or something."

[Obama] "This time is worse than the others. He is unconscionable."

[911] "Do you mean unconscious?"

[Obama] "Yeah, that too. And he won't wake up. Please hurry."

[911] "I have rescue en route. They will arrive momentarily."

The ambulance arrives, and EMTs load the veep on a stretcher and whisk him away...

Later, Obama visits the hospital...

[Obama] "So how bad is he?"

[Doctor] "There are a number of problems he faces. First, let's talk about the damage to the hippocampus."

[Obama holds up one finger in the "gimme one sec" gesture, retrieves phone and calls Rahm] "Rahm, find out where Meghan McCain went to college. There's been some kind of disaster there. Declare it a disaster area and release billions in stimulus money to fix it up, K? Thanks." [to doctor] "There. That ought to put your worries about the hippo's campus to rest. You really should be more concerned with Joe right now, doc."

[Doctor, incredulous] "Alllrighty then. There's a part of the human mind that is crucial to forming memories and maintaining one's balance and sense of navigation. In Joe, that part has suffered considerable damage. He'll pull through, but we don't yet know how severe the effects may be."

[Obama] "How would this damage affect his life?"

[Doctor] "He may become clumsy and forgetful. He may say things that don't make much sense."

[Obama] "Sounds pretty normal, to me."

[Doctor] "Actually, yes - I suppose so."

[Obama] "Doctor! You're a miracle worker! You've saved Joe and I still have time to work on my backswing!"

8 comments:

  1. HAH! Again, so funny! Maybe now Joe B will be an idiot savant, eclipsing his boss! His hair grows long and luxurious, his face relaxes from the evil forced-grin that he wears, and he becomes a conservative.

    Then a wayward golfball comes and re-damages is hippocrampusoid muscle and he reverts to normal.

    "Hippo's campus..." good one! Ha! Yeah, good one...

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  2. Funny, Funny Innominatus. obummer should get hit in the head with a golf ball and drop dead, for all the playing he does, dithering while troops die and America goes to hell.

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  3. The POTUS without the TOTUS? Well...

    RE: The hippo's campus? Let's just say coffee spewing from my nose is becoming commonplace here. You really ought to have a disclaimer or warning or something!

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  4. Will Michael Moore add this in his next movie saying that Obama spent most of his time golfing instead of defending the country?

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  5. Matt A, Mick More will never criticize a fellow socialist. Unless of course the fellow socialist wasn't socialist enough...

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  6. Many laughs ... West Korea ? Thanks for the link to Hippocampus. I needed that to bring my anatomy knowledge up to "Par" with the author.

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  7. Joe Biden and KIM Jong IL give me the best laughs!!!

    "Hippo's campus" LOL!!!

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  8. I thought you were going to have the doctor say the blow made Joe an idiot savant and that he'd now be considered smarter than the "smartest president eva."

    Oh, yeah, love the hippo's campus.

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Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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