Monday, September 13, 2010

Barry desperate mid-term strategy

Cabinet meeting at the White House.  Various Secretaries, Directors, Czars and other felonious types are seated around a U-shaped table.  pResident Obama strides regally into their presence and takes his seat.

[Rahm E.] "This meeting of the Cabinet of the Exalted Won is hereby in session" [sounds the bugle call of "Charge!" on his kazoo and takes a seat]

Obama makes super-secret Globalist Statist Club hand salute, Cabinet members salute back and take their seats.

[Obama]"Now that the formalities are out of the way" [expression changes from regal to angry] what the bloody hell is going on around here?  Me 'n Joe got the economy rolling along with Recovery Summer and then we take a few vacations.  Next thing ya know, I'm in some $2000/night hotel room trying to find Spongebob on the cable TV, and I stumble on some newsie types talking about how the rethuglicans are gonna stomp us in November.  I thought it was a fluke, so I looked around.  Every channel!  Every (*#%(&& channel was talking about how the rethugs are looking to win an electoral landslide!  I am The One!  How can this be?  What. Have. You. Done!?!"

[Rahm, nervously] "Sire, it isn't us!  I beg thee, hear me out - it is not our fault!  It is the stupid electorate!  They don't recognize the benevolence of our benevolent authoritarian rulership over them.  They have turned against us.  All of us.  Even......you, sire!"

[Obama, banging fist on table] "Surely this is a lie!  Someone, anyone, please tell me the truth!"

[Rahm] "Sorry, Sire!  I speak only truth!  Even the peddlers of historic Commemorative Obama dishware are reporting sales are down.  Well, except for that one dude on eBay that is marketing them as 'Commemorative Obama-themed Sporting Clays Targets' - that guy is still moving a lot of product.  Even Pookie, my dog, is refusing to eat his ObamaChunks.  So I rammed them down his throat like they were a healthcare bill.  Pookie promptly shat on my futon shortly thereafter!  It is horrible, sire!"

[Obama] "OK.  I believe you.  Now, what are we going to do about it.  What is our strategy?"

[Axelrod] "Bams, we're attacking John Boehner."

[Obama] "Who???"

[Axelrod] "You know, Congressman Boehner."

[Obama] "Congressman?  There are hundreds of those dummies.  I can't keep track of them all."

[Axelrod] "Boehner is the idiot with uncommonly dark skin who smokes a lot."

[Obama, clearing throat noisily] "AHEM!"

[Axelrod] "Bams, he wants to be Speaker of the House again.  So we're running ads of Pelosi with the gavel, asking 'do you really want this Boehner guy to take Nancy's gavel? If not, vote Democrat!'  The focus groups like it.  I think we're gonna be OK."

[Obama] "Pelosi?  That hag couldn't lead flies to a turd.  Even with a huge majority she barely got BarryCare passed.  Is that all you got?"

[Axelrod, sheepishly] "Um... yeah."

[Obama, curled in fetal position] "You all have failed me!  Game over, man!  If I weren't such a wimp I'd personally slap each and every one of you! Wahhhahaaah!"

7 comments:

  1. At first I thought that Bark Obama was a dyed-in-the-wool communist, but now I think that he's leaning toward a utopian feudal model. Congress let him down, bloggers mock him openly (the rabble!) and the pesky Tea Party has eroded his popularity. Time for a monarchy.

    In a democracy the vote counts. In a feudal society the count votes...

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  2. I bought some Obama commemorative dishware. It comes in handy sometimes when toilet is backed up.

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  3. Pretty good, but do you actually expect us to believe that Big O yells at Rahm instead of vicey-versey? That's quite a stretch.

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  4. Nice, although now I'm wondering what flavors ObamaChunks comes in.

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  5. Kinda reminds me of those last days in the Fuhrer Bunker.

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  6. Very funny stuff. "Uncommonly dark skin and smokes a lot...""AHEM"...I loffed our LAUD! My daughter axed what was so funny, all I had to say was, "Innominatus".

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  7. That was hilarious, Inno. I can see bammy doing all that, esp. the baby whaaaaaing at the end!

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Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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