Thursday, March 25, 2010

Splash of the Titans

A little background for the ign'ant.
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Far above Flyover Country, the gods enjoyed a life of power and privilege in the land of Olympus, DC.  With a mere stroke of a pen, the whims and fancies of the Olympians would become the binding law of the land below.  Some in Flyover Country sought the favor of the gods by sucking up to them.  Some sought positions of earthly power by promoting Olympic policies.  But most resented the arrogance and detachment of their so-called betters in Olympus, DC.  When the gods deemed themselves masters of healthcare reform, the mortals had finally had enough...

[MichHera Obama, Queen of Olympus] "Barack Zeussein Obama, you better listen to me!  The mortals are getting, oh, shall we say, 'uppity.'  Espescially the teapartiers.  You better put them in their place!"

[Zeussein, King of Olympus] "Hear ye, hear ye!"

[Olympians go about their day, ignoring Zeussein]

[Zeussein] "Hey!  Listen to me!"

[Joebidenus, the Olympic Court Jester] "Yo!  When Zeussein wants you to hear his lofty rhetoric or soaring whoratory, that is a big f***ing deal!  Listen up!"

[Zeussein] "My fellow Olympians, lend me your ears.  'Cuz mine are ridiculous.  The mortals in Flyover Country grow restless.  We need to crush them before they can challenge our power.  But there is an ancient artifact - a scroll called The Constitution - that contains magic words which bind our hands and limit our power.  When we are finally rid of that ancient relic, the mortals will feel the full benefit of our benevolent - yet extremely intrusive, corrupt and inefficient - rule over them."

[Olympians, in unison] "So let it be written, so let it be done!"

Meanwhile, in Flyover Country, a band of heroes keeps watchful guard over The Constitution.

17 comments:

  1. SUHWEEET!!! A big f@ckin solid gold piece you wrote there!!!
    Joebidenus-LOL looong time!!!

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  2. JihadGene - Thanks. I actually had more that I wanted to include in Part I but I accidentally hit publish instead of save and that makes a good excuse to stop for today.

    More tomorrow (or maybe tonight)

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  3. Innominatus, you have used one of my favorite movie lines, "So it is written, so let it be done!"

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  4. That was an excellent piece of work you wrote!! We're gonna boot these sorry A$$es out of office in November.

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  5. SUPERB!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  6. "lend me your ears. 'Cuz mine are ridiculous..."

    Quote of the week.

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  7. Well said, Inno! And CL beat me to the quote of the week.

    Got the makings of an epic there, if ya' ask me...

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  8. Yea, verily.

    My daughter's dog's name is Zeus. O can't wait to taunt her with "Zeussein."

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  9. Oh innominatus, what's all the fuss over a few pieces of paper ?

    Part I ... you sound like a union thug punching a time clock.

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  10. Matt - Charleton Heston AND Metallica all in one reference. That's why I love it, too.

    Teresa - Hopefully my little tale ends up half as epic as the buttwhuppin' the dems suffer in November.

    CL - danke

    Andy - Hope it turns out. In my brain it sounds pretty good; we'll see if I can turn it into something cool.

    Moogie - Only when the dog is misbehaving, K?

    Woodsterman - I'd rather sound like a time clock punching a union thug.

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  11. The Constitution? Oh, that "living document?"

    you know how those in Olympus think: "how dare the mortals question us?"

    With Clash of the Titans coming out soon I wonder if POTUS and his wife, the "sexiest woman ever" (MSM's description, not mine) will visit New York for date night to see it.

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  12. Unfortunately, Zeussein, the most intelligent Olympian Evah, failed to compensate for his small penis, and when it was written that Viagra was the province of Gladiators and Teh Tiger, Zeussein's ballsier half, MicHera, hoarded Zeussein's supply and secretly shared them with Teh Tiger ... only to find out that she had to wait in line for 15 blonde porn stars. And, lo, she discovered reading, and stumbled upon Teh Constitution, and, having the only balls in the family, forced Zeussein to diminish and go into the West, to live in Mt. Vegas ... as an unwanted outcast, barred from the casinos for his arseholeness.

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  13. Yes, I sense an epic in the making. I'll bet what gets the economy going again in flyover country is the manufacture of umbrellas!

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  14. Brilliant!
    Always entertaining. Thanks!

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  15. Yep Ol' Buddy, this is right up there with the "Chuck Norris-Fred Thompson-Sarah Palin" series of awhile back.

    This is classical, so to speak. Should be taught in all high schools and such.

    Bravo, funny man, bravo!

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Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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