The pResident and first lady are getting themselves ready for the big, big speech to the Joint Session of Congress (that Boehner punked them on. Hee) You know, the one nobody will watch because A. Nobody Cares and B. There's a pretty decent football game on.
[MichelleO] "Bams, what do you think of this dress?"
[Obama, dour] "It's nice."
[MichelleO, singing] "Wanna know what I think? ♫ Well I'm hot butted, check it and see! Diameter of one hundred and three! C'mon, Barry, whaddya think of this azz? I'm hot butted, hot butted! ♫"
[Obama] "That's not how the song goes."
[MichelleO] "Aw, cheer up! Just because nobody likes you and come election time people are going to treat you like a baby treats a diaper, well, that doesn't mean we can't have a little fun in the remaining year and a half."
[Obama] "Remember that time when the Fonz made a mistake, but he couldn't quite bring himself to say the words? He just kinda stammered 'cuz it was so out-of-character for him to fail?"
[MichelleO] "I have no idea what you're talking about. Must've been some stupid middle-America white people show that you gramma used to watch. When I was growing up, we watched The Jeffersons and Sanford and Son."
[Obama] "OK, the Fonz was the epitome of coolness. He could just snap his fingers and two hotties would instantly appear at either side of him."
[MichelleO] "Kinda like you, three years ago."
[Obama] "Exactly. But one time he was wrong. He tried to admit it, but it just came out 'wro... wro...' like the sound of an old Plymouth with a weak battery."
[MichelleO] "This is the strangest conversation we've ever had."
[Obama] "What I'm trying to say, is that I su... s... suc... su... See!? I suck so bad I can't even say 'suck' without sucking at it."
[MichelleO, twinkle in her eye] "That was cute! Like when you try to talk without the teleprompter."
[Obama] "You're not helping. At all."
[MichelleO] "Alright, you want help? I'll give ya help. What you need to do is go out and look presidential. That vacation in Martha's Vineyard was a good start, but we really need to up your game. Where do you want to go next?"
[MichelleO] "Oh, pooh! Let's go somewhere fun! Somewhere tropical! Somewhere we'll never be able to afford on you post-presidential pension. 'Cuz I don't foresee people offering you a real job after this is over. We're gonna have to make do on your pension. We won't have too many more chances to have the taxpayers send us on a vacay. So let's go BIG!"
[MichelleO] "How about Bali?"
[Obama, drearily] "Sounds as good as any other place."
[MichelleO, animated] "Yeah! We can commandeer an entire cruise ship. Call it Yacht Force One or something like that. And party and party."
[Obama] "How will this help my presidency?"
[MichelleO] "No president has ever done that. It'll make you appear Larger Than Life and people will really start to respect you again."
[Obama, brightening] "Really?!!"
[MichelleO] "Nah. But it'll be fun! And I can wear this new swimsuit on the ship! Do you like it? Does it make my butt look big?"
[Obama] " [click to play] "