Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I feel dirty

I'm in the middle of engraving three awards for the Benton County Democrats. I don't like the Benton County Democrats. I don't like their hippie-dippy fused glass awards. Maybe I should scratch them all up and then say "sorry, that's how they looked when I got them." I don't like the typestyles they selected. The brass/glass/wood thing just doesn't have the right vibe. You'd think these dorky liberal Art History majors and Feng Shui practitioners would have a little better sense of aesthetics. The whole thing is unpleasant in the extreme, and I worry that I'll break out in hives before the project is completed. It bothers me that some stupid democrats are going to be at some stupid democrat banquet to receive these stupid democrat awards that I've had to engrave. I fear that they may actually cherish these awards and display them proudly. These awards may trigger conversations between democrats like

"Nice award! What'd you do to earn that?"

"Well, I spit on a veteran, fought to have 'Christmas Break' be renamed 'Winter Holiday Break' and I live on welfare."

"Great job! I want one of those awards, too! I think I'll burn a flag or two, then register a bunch of dead people to vote."

In other words, my precious skills and talents are actually being used to make democrats happy. I feel dirty.


  1. View it as a form of Republican welfare.

    I learned a long time ago to never argue with someone smarter than me. When they're smarter, adopt the order-taker outlook.

    Some folks, when you point out their "gaps" take umbrage. When dealing with deeply held prejudices, it's perhaps smarter not to attempt to confront those prejudices.

  2. Is it possible to covertly include some kind of semi-secret "watermark" they won't discover until it's too late? Perhaps a cartoon image of dubious undertakings or a mocking tribute in latin, which they all understand, of course?

  3. Under the brass name plate, engrave
    "Ebola virus test vessel- destroy after use".
    If ever the plate ever falls off, say, if post-it adhesive is used instead of brass screws,
    they will pitch them, and you won't have encouraged an increase in dead voters.

  4. Hey... LibTired from HotAir here. Just wanted to let you know since you asked. Nice post. Thanks for visiting WAF!!

  5. Sprinkle them with Holy Water before delivery and individually wrap them. That way, when they're opened, the flesh will sizzle!

    You could also engrave a cross on the bottom inconspicuously.

    Hey, this is FUN!

    Just accept their money and think of it as God taking from the wicked (them) and giving it to the righteous (you). Do a really great job and they'll come back and give you more money!

    But I know what you mean (shudder).

  6. John...your blog needs pictures.

  7. I can't post any more pics because you and Kenzie are hogging them all.

  8. Patti, this blog is like a JRR Tolkien book; provided pictures just interfere with the images you make in your head reading the words.

    SO, NO PIX, mr Innominatus (if that's your real name, or lack thereof!)

    heck, do what you want. it's your blog. i'll read it either way.

  9. You must pay for your sins of Dummocratary. Go say 5 Hail Roves and confess to Darth Cheney about it.

    lol.... I'd be putting some sort of hidden symbol on each one of their "pat me on the back" trophies. Maybe a little icon of Reagan in the bottom. :)


Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.


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