(is there any other kind of hooligan? -ed.) charged the field and got an epic beatdown courtesy of the Dutch goalkeeper. Now *this* is my kind of soccer. I could actually enjoy full-contact soccer. Not the "yellow-card my opponent while I writhe in pain because our feet almost touched" non-contact soccer that prevails internationally these days. What a bunch of wussicles. But soccer cross-pollinated with Ultimate Fighting? I. AM. SO. THERE.
What I'm envisioning would be like this: At random intervals, the Designated Blower would toot his vuvuzela. Play would immediately stop, and a drunken hooligan would charge onto the field. A guy wearing #34 with little spiky things on his shoes, dressed like a Georgia Tech cheerleader, would square off with the drunken hooligan. No holds barred. Groin kicks not only allowed, but encouraged. (Hence the name "fútbol" ). Winner gets a £10 million contract with Manchester United. How awesome would that be? The "Beautiful Sport" would become the "Watchable Sport" and pay-per-view revenues would soar!
The only thing that keeps my idea from becoming a reality is the sheer dearth of drunken soccer hooligans. If only they weren't so mannered and orderly...
PS - I don't dislike soccer or soccer players. This isn't intended to be one of those jingoistic "American fooball is better than World football" flame wars. But making fun of soccer players is irresistibly fun. Like pinching occutards with BBQ tongs and listening to their whiny cries of "shtop it! You're hurting me!" I just never tire of it.