Friday, December 23, 2011
Barry necessary vacation
[Biden] "Sir! You're looking extra chipper this morning! Must be looking forward to the vacay in Hawaii, eh?"
[Obama] "That's not it at all, Joe. Actually, what it is, is that the last couple nights are the best sleep I've had in years."
[Biden] "When I'm away from Jill, I toss and turn all night. I hate it."
[Obama] "OK, you didn't hear this from me, but... Michelle snores. Really snores. Like a congested walrus. Drives me nuts. I'd use earplugs, but as you know, nobody makes them in my size. With her already in Hawaii, I've finally been able to rest."
[John Holdren, Science Czar] "Sir, if I may interject. I once ran an audio sampling of your wife's snoring through a spectrum analyzer. Turns out, it is less of a 'congested walrus' sound, than it is a 'somebody trying to blast a congested walrus through an InSinkErator using a diesel-powered leaf blower' sound."
[Obama] "OK, 'nuff of that. Where we at and what we got? Axe?"
[Axelrod] "Your poll numbers continue to reek. However, people are slightly less pessimistic about the economy. That bodes well."
[Axelrod] "However, that all depends on the Europeans making the difficult choices to get their debt problems under their control without blowing up the world economy. How likely do you think that is?"
[Obama, still unusually upbeat] "I'm screwed. Understood. State?
[SecState Hillary] "Sir, the Russians hate us, the Chinese hate us. Even the Syrians are saying they wish Booooosh were still president. Chavez says you are a clown. We are like a piñata that the whole world is taking swings at. Oh, and in Egypt the military is going around stomping on innocent women. Right there in the street."
[Obama] "Good thing I gave that historic speech there in Cairo a couple years ago. Otherwise those filthy whores who deserve to, uhh, excuse me. Otherwise, those innocent women would be getting hosed down with sustained full-auto weapons fire, instead of merely stomped on."
[Clinton, eyeroll] "Yeah. OK. Also, some columnists at the Politico wrote a very convincing essay on why I should run for President."
[Obama, no longer upbeat, lunges across the table and angrily grabs Hillary by the collar] "Listen to me very closely... If you run against me..." [now eyeball-to-eyeball with Hill] "I will shove a cactus up your actus... You'll rue the very day you were born... Do you smell... What Barack... Is Cookin'??" [releases grip] "And what's with the bright floral print in the middle of winter? Girl, you have the most miserable fashion sense."
A nearly invisible figure enters the room. MichelleO de-cloaks and approaches Hillary.
[MichelleO, menacingly] "What Barack said... Times 10... Capiche?"
[Hillary, frightened nearly to death] "B-b-b-but I thought you were in Hawaii!?!"
[MichelleO] "I WAS." [taps button on her bracelet to re-cloak and disappears out of the room]
[Obama] "It's best not to tick me off. It's even better not to tick her off. With that, I bid thee a-doo and depart for my much needed vacation."