Friday, December 23, 2011

Barry necessary vacation

White House briefing.  The usual Secretaries, Department heads, Czars, and not-convicted-yet felons in attendance.  The pResident enters, skipping like a schoolchild, with an uncommonly wide grin.

[Biden] "Sir!  You're looking extra chipper this morning!  Must be looking forward to the vacay in Hawaii, eh?"

[Obama]  "That's not it at all, Joe.  Actually, what it is, is that the last couple nights are the best sleep I've had in years."

[Biden] "When I'm away from Jill, I toss and turn all night.  I hate it."

[Obama] "OK, you didn't hear this from me, but...  Michelle snores.  Really snores.  Like a congested walrus.  Drives me nuts.  I'd use earplugs, but as you know, nobody makes them in my size.  With her already in Hawaii, I've finally been able to rest."

[John Holdren, Science Czar] "Sir, if I may interject.  I once ran an audio sampling of your wife's snoring through a spectrum analyzer.  Turns out, it is less of a 'congested walrus' sound, than it is a 'somebody trying to blast a congested walrus through an InSinkErator using a diesel-powered leaf blower' sound."

[Obama] "OK, 'nuff of that.  Where we at and what we got?  Axe?"

[Axelrod] "Your poll numbers continue to reek.  However, people are slightly less pessimistic about the economy.  That bodes well."

[Obama] "Nice."

[Axelrod] "However, that all depends on the Europeans making the difficult choices to get their debt problems under their control without blowing up the world economy.  How likely do you think that is?"

[Obama, still unusually upbeat] "I'm screwed.  Understood.  State?

[SecState Hillary] "Sir, the Russians hate us, the Chinese hate us.  Even the Syrians are saying they wish Booooosh were still president.  Chavez says you are a clown.  We are like a piñata that the whole world is taking swings at.  Oh, and in Egypt the military is going around stomping on innocent women.  Right there in the street."

[Obama] "Good thing I gave that historic speech there in Cairo a couple years ago.  Otherwise those filthy whores who deserve to, uhh, excuse me.  Otherwise, those innocent women would be getting hosed down with sustained full-auto weapons fire, instead of merely stomped on."

[Clinton, eyeroll] "Yeah.  OK.  Also, some columnists at the Politico wrote a very convincing essay on why I should run for President."

[Obama, no longer upbeat, lunges across the table and angrily grabs Hillary by the collar] "Listen to me very closely...  If you run against me..." [now eyeball-to-eyeball with Hill] "I will shove a cactus up your actus...  You'll rue the very day you were born... Do you smell... What Barack... Is Cookin'??"  [releases grip] "And what's with the bright floral print in the middle of winter?  Girl, you have the most miserable fashion sense."

A nearly invisible figure enters the room.  MichelleO de-cloaks and approaches Hillary.

[MichelleO, menacingly] "What Barack said...  Times 10..Capiche?"

[Hillary, frightened nearly to death] "B-b-b-but I thought you were in Hawaii!?!"

[MichelleO] "I WAS." [taps button on her bracelet to re-cloak and disappears out of the room]

[Obama] "It's best not to tick me off.  It's even better not to tick her off.  With that, I bid thee a-doo and depart for my much needed vacation."

12 comments:

  1. Heh. You are SO very good at this stuff!!

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  2. I knew it. The first lady of Fat Ass has powers we mere mortals could not even fathom.

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  3. Buck - Thanks

    Infidel - Don't stare too long or you'll go crazy like Saruman looking into the crystal ball.

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  4. That photo says it all. 'Predator' was the nemesis of two ex-governors (Arnie and Jesse), and actually wacked one of them in the film, if you recall.

    But not before he could utter his now famous line; 'I ain't got time to bleed.'

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  5. Are they going to make a movie where Danny Glover battles Mooshell from outer space?

    Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

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  6. A very Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukah to you and yours and to all your readers as well.

    Mal

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  7. I wonder what it costs to send two planeloads to Hawaii instead of one?
    Aw... man... I just had a really awful thought go through my mind.


    vword is witylast
    I'm sure there's some kind of racial connotation

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  8. Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukah.

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  9. hey INNO! HAPPY HOLIDAY mornin !!...blessings and hugsssssssssss!! xxoo

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  10. Merry Christmas to you and yours, Inno.

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  11. Wish they'd both use that invisible cloak and take a forever trip down the yellow brick road.

    Merry Christmas Inno, to you and your family.

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  12. Is it a Romulan, or Klingon cloaking devise?

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Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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