Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Obama encouraged by latest polling

INN - White House

President Obama has a noticeable spring in his step following his State of the Union address given last week.  Rasmussen's Daily Tracking Poll shows the beleaguered pResident now only 6 points under water following his speech and his meeting with Congressional Republicans in Baltimore.  This is a marked improvement over recent polls that showed him being detested to the tune of -19 on the Passion Index.  These current numbers show that individuals now favor the pResident somewhat more highly than a toothache and just below stale cheese.

When asked for a comment, the pResident bounced off the walls and woohoo-ed like Daffy Duck.  "Me so happy!  Me tax you loooong time!" he said between woohoos.  Holding a printout of a Rasmussen screen-cap in reporters' faces, the pResident said insistently "Look at this!  That's what I'm talking about!" with only a tinge of negro dialect.  He then cradled the printout to his face "Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm!  Still warm from the laser printer!"  Getting additional comments from him proved fruitless, as the pResident bolted down the hall and continued to shove the printout in peoples' faces.  "They like me!  They really, really like me!"

Spokesdork Robert Gibbs was a bit more subdued.  "The pResident said a few months ago that he ignores the daily polls.  That's only true when they're bad.  He is incapable of digesting any form of bad news.  He just tunes it out.  Or blames Booosh.  But as soon as things look good, he's quick to jump all over it and claim the credit.  Please don't quote me on this next part:  Staffers are quietly beginning to wonder if the pResident may be suffering from some kind of imbalance, or perhaps early-onset senility.  Very little of what he does any more makes any sense." (Sorry, Robert.  I forgot not to quote you on that.  My bad.  -ed).  "I'm scared of what he'd do if his polls ever got back into positive territory."

White House Chief-of-Staff Rahm Emanuel may have summarized it best: "He's just a [bleep]ing retard."

4 comments:

  1. *SNORK!* I was made to laff again in front of my class.

    "...individuals now favor the pResident somewhat more highly than a toothache and just below stale cheese...

    Laffing historically now, with just a tinge of Texas Gulf Coast Geezer dialect. I had to read it again.

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  2. I don't think I'll ever "woohoo" again.

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  3. aA - Heehee...Historical laughter? Reminds me of the guy who went into the diner that serves breakfast any time. So the guy says "gimme ham & eggs during the French Revolution."

    Infidel - I will always prefer stale cheese during the French Revolution.

    Matt - I'm trying very hard to stifle some really crude attempts at jokes!

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Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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