Wednesday, July 11, 2012

From the local newspaper...

As seen today in the Gazette-Times:

Benton County
Sheriff’s Office
Warning: 8:31 a.m., 3500 block of Scenic Drive. A deputy gave a resident a warning for allowing one of his chickens to cross the road. No motive for the crossing was provided.
(emphasis added)

There are some questions in life we'll just never get an answer to...


  1. The motive? Someone knew the answer! Heh.

  2. And I thought the Lake Oswego police blotter had some bizarre stuff....

  3. That is priceless, but it fails to answer the age old question.

  4. I once asked a chicken why he crossed the road. He told me to shut the f*#$ up and mind my own business.

    Chickens are very nasty people.

  5. You'd THINK the cops would be smart enough not to ask. Eternal mysteries are just that: eternal.

  6. I doubt the chicken would have revealed his motivation anyway.


  7. This particular deputy should not be scolded too harshly for not digging deeper into this crossing incident, since he presumably was so exhausted chasing and apprehending bank robbers, having gun fights with armed meth dealers, and arresting rapists and murderers. But he was clear headed enough after all of that to realize the seriousness of this chicken's rampage and jump into action, citation in hand, and we all should just be glad we have Benton County Sheriff's Department's FINEST on the job.

    Thank God for these guys, what would we do without them.

    1. Hear, hear!! Your observation calls to mind our New Orleans' Finest.

  8. One of the best police logs ever is from the small-town Arcata Eye:

    Police log

    Typical sample:

    12:34 p.m. The arboreal majesty of Redwood Park proved an enchanting spot for three men in a van to inject drugs into their circulatory systems, as witnessed by a passerby. Police soon interviewed six vein-glorious vansters and had their syringemobile towed.

  9. Poorvallis also won't allow a sign to be put up pointing the way to Gill Colosseum. You know why? Cause "pre-war" there was no sign. "TRADITION" these dorks cry. Yeah? Was there the Colosseum before the Revolutionary War or the Civil War? Hmmmmm. THE WHY THE HECK DO WE HAVE A COLOSSEUM?! It's not tradition!


Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.


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