Friday, May 18, 2012

Stupidity of "Drill here! Drill Now!"

As part of my long-term plans for American prosperity, I denounce, in the strongest possible terms, this "Drill Here! Drill Now!" nonsense.  We must instead purchase oil from others.  Specifically, we must buy as much oil from psycho muzzies and oppressive dictators as we possibly can.

"But innominatus, this is completely counterintuitive!" you are no doubt thinking.  Allow me to explain...

There is debate whether there is a finite amount of oil in the ground, or whether oil is continuing to slowly form as part of some not-yet understood process.  Either way, the bad guys are sucking oil out of their dirt at a frightful pace.  This is good.  Because it means they will run out.

Then we can say to Sheik Abdul or whoever "Hey, dude, you're out of oil.  We bought all your oil and burned it in our SUVs and hotrods, and all you have to show for it is a big pile of our useless currency.  We will now begin using OUR oil, of which we have more than we know what to do with.  And we're not in the mood for sharing.  Ha!"

Then some guy in Russia will say he has no fuel to put in his Trabant and some Nigerian will cry that his Citro├źn has no petrol that and the only way that Sheik's Ferrari goes anywhere is when it is towed by a camel, we'll reply "Sorry, guys.  We have so much oil we use it to put out fires even though it is flammable but that's OK because we still have so much more oil.  But we are not, repeat, NOT going to interrupt the finals of the Bikini Crude Oil Wrestling League playoffs because you were dumb enough to sell us all your oil.  How do you like me now?"

Then we'll sell 'em a Volt and some solar panels to charge it and this green energy crap might finally turn profitable...

18 comments:

  1. Um, the "Bikini Crude Oil Wrestling League".....how much are tickets?

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  2. Um, the "Bikini Crude Oil Wrestling League".....how much are tickets?

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    Replies
    1. Depends on how you look in a bikini. Maybe free.

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  3. Inno, you're such a nasty SOB. I love it because Muzloons can burn in ... with there 72.5 virgins.

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    Replies
    1. As many of 'em are down there, you'd think there'd be a virgin shortage.

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  4. Like all evil geniuses, Innominatus plays the long game.

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    Replies
    1. The evil part has always been understood, but I don't think I've been called a genius before. Thank ya.

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  5. I've been thinking much the same, though I've never bought into the whole "peak oil" thing.

    But right now, I've gotta polish the ol' binoculars...http://shadowandsubstance.com/201205/Oregon.swf

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    Replies
    1. Hope the clouds stay outta the way.

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  6. this green energy crap might finally turn profitable...

    Hah! Dreamer.

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    Replies
    1. The idea of dictator thugs burning to death in a faulty Volt still sounds kinda worthwhile, though.

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  7. Inno:

    Right on the money. Who would have thought this kind of clear thinking came from an Oregonian, one having drunk that weird, crystal clear yet debilitating water for so long (the nonsense coming from Oregonians for so long has to be attributed to the water, there's no other explanation). To bolster my point, I lived in Oregon for two or three decades, and once I moved away and my head cleared. Coincidence? I think not....

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    Replies
    1. But isn't Illinois just as bad?

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    2. On the surface, Illinois as a whole is as blue as the blood in Barbara Bush's veins. But that's just Chicago and Cook County, of which 60% of the population resides. The rest of the state is as red as a beet.

      In Oregon, on the other hand, you have huge pockets of idiocy: Multnomah, Lane, Clackamus, and a number of other counties are bluer than blue, and chock full of Kool-aid drinkers. It's not limited to just a pus pocket of tree huggers in one spot. In Oregon, it's everywhere.

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    3. Personally, I view Illinois and Oregon as essentially identical. Both are dominated by a large, corrupt city/county, and the corruption oozes its way from the north to the state capitol. The main difference is that in Illinois, they occasionally prosecute a few of 'em.

      I was born just sw of Chicago, and got to see the Richard J. Daley machine first-hand. Amusing: back in the day, toilets at Union Station and O'Hare were pay-to-use - until the day the Mayor ran into the toilets at the airport and discovered he didn't have any quarters. The next day, he ordered all pay toilet mechanisms removed in the city.

      The latest kerfluffle, as I understand it, involves consternation over the recent FAA approval of expansion for O'Hare: it seems that the new runway will pass through a cemetery; potentially disenfranchising hundreds of voters.

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  8. I dunno if anyone besides you, Buck and Suldog read my blog. But I'm definitely linking to this. It's too bad the word brilliant is overused, because this is BRILLIANT

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  9. I expect you'll be getting a call shortly from the White House offering you a position in the Green Energy Department.

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  10. Nicely said, I like your thinking, especially the part of sheikh abdulla al hakim al bin widda kamel with no money left.

    Oh and I thought the Nigerians preferred Peugots over Citroen, well at least in the old days they did. Or maybe you're right, they probably are driving around in classy Citroens now with all the money they seem to skim off the more stupid of my country men every year.

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Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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