Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Obama in history

Alright, every rightwinger with a pulse and an IQ measured in degrees fahrenheit has heard about Obama worming into almost all the presidential biographies of the last hundred years.  What is not so well publicized, is that Obama has inserted himself into *EVERYBODY'S* biography.  Seriously.  If your biography has broken out in an itchy rash recently, well, now you know.

Some examples:

In the '70s, Al Gore invented the internet.  Today, Obama uses the internet to knock his own dick in the dirt with extremely hamfisted wannabe-totalitarian things like the "fishy" flag@whitehouse.gov, Attack Watch, and Truth Teams.  All of which are readily mockable and give us bloggers stuff to snark about.

In the middling 'aughts, Jack Dorsey invented Twitter and that Zuckerdude invented Facebook.  Today, Obama uses these and other social-media outlets to knock his own dick in the dirt with #hashtags that get highjacked by clever conservatives and also that Life of Julia slideshow which is so stupid that stupid people who are in comas from over-huffing lemon-scented Pledge snap out of the coma just long enough to beg for a president who isn't so stupid.

During the French Revolution, Marie Antoinette supposedly said "Let them eat cake."  Today, thanks to Obama's disastrous economic policies, millions on food stamps do exactly that.  Or, they sell their foodstamp bennies to their neighbor ($2 in bennies for each dollar in cash) and use the money to get cigarettes and scratch-off tickets.  This is also known as Economic Stimulus.

In one of the most popular books ever written, a fictional character named Don Quixote had jousting contests with windmills. Today, Barack Obama intends to power the American economy with windmills and algae.  Coincidentally, "Quixote" is Elizabeth Warren's Cherokee name.


In 1929, Muhotdog Gandhi expressed his revolutionary fervor by marching to the beach and making salt.  Today, Michelle Obama went back in time and beat Gandhi with her bat'leth because salt tastes good and contributes to heart disease.

16 comments:

  1. Obama hasn't hit my CV yet. But... God Help Me... it might be an improvement if he DID. I mean, he might could add sumthin' meaningful to my current occupation (drinkin' beer and smokin' cigars). Or at least snort-worthy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Like Buck, Obama follows NHL hockey very closely. Obama's favorite team is the Chicago Blue Wings that play at Kaminski Park, and his all-time favorite player is Ron Hextall, because Ron is a dick and Obama admires that.

      Delete
  2. He's a legend. Gets it from his fathers. Although his book, "Cuisines From My Stepfather" isn't selling so well just now.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fv4jnlkxOaw

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Heh. When you have as many father figures (Obama the elder, Soetero, Frank Marshall Davis, Ayres, and a momma named Stan) it gets confusing about who served when and where.

      Delete
    2. it gets confusing about who served when and where or what.

      Delete
  3. obumturd want to insert into every bit of history on earth. He's a zelig like fool who will go down
    as the WORST pretend prez in the history of the world. I can't wait until he gets kicked out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will be doing a very triumphant Happy Dance the day barry gets the boot...

      ...then I'll look at Romney and go "um, yeah" and fall back into a state of depression.

      Delete
    2. I thought Elizabeth Warren's Cherokee name was "White Trash"?

      Delete
    3. I thought Elizabeth Warren's Cherokee name was "White Trash"?

      No, you have her confused with Debbie Wassername-Schultz (whose father was a guard who knew nothing, nothing!). Lizzie's name, in today's language, translates to "vegetarian", which is an old Cherokee word for "bad hunter".

      Delete
  4. Whoa now Moochie. Imma big salt fan, wit Himalayan Pink mah favorite, so hands off big gal.

    I hear lottsa libs stand up for the Wookie one by toutin' the bigness uv her heart and I just retort back wit, "well that may be true but it appears to be located in her butt area, figuratively speaking that iz".

    Git er dun Gandhi!

    ReplyDelete
  5. He stole my ID and bought a round of golf with it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm not sure how the media are able to continue to prop up the notion that this guy is brilliant. They can't point to his transcripts (oh no, we can't release those), and they certainly can't point to his adminstration's achievements under Obama's watch.

    As his former chief of staff Rahm Emanuel would say, the guy's 'an effing retard.'

    ReplyDelete

Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...