Saturday, May 26, 2012

Barry choomy road trip

I tried 'shopping barry's face on him, but it looked stupid.
I tried putting Plouffe's face on another guy, but nobody knows what he looks like.
I tried putting Axelrod's face on last guy but he looked like David Crosby
and ellif I'm gonna taint my blog with a picture of that stinky hippie.
So, like I always say, use your imagination.


[Obama] "Heh heh.  Choom Gang, form up!  Time for a road trip!"

[Plouffe] "Heh heh.  Cool, man.  Where we going?"

[Obama] "To the heh heh, Land of Re-erection!"

[Axelrod] "Heh, whaaa?"

[Obama, squinting at teleprompter] "Oh.  Heh hee 'Re-election'.  Heh stupid 'prompter, heh."

[Plouffe] "Heh heh.  I've been runnin' the numbers, man, and that's gonna be a long trip, man."

[Obama] "S'cool.  I got a lotta choom, man.  Heh heh."

[Axelrod] "Heh, man, we're gonna get hungry, man.  Let's make some choom brownies to satisfy our road trip munchies."

[Plouffe] "But heh, man, choom brownies just make us even hungrier, man!"

[Axelrod] "Heh that just means we're gonna need a lot more choom brownies!"

[Obama, Axelrod, Plouffe] " HEH HEH HEH HEH!!"

[Obama] "Axe, you're drivin'.  Heh."

[Axelrod] "Heh.  It's your van, man, why I gotta always drive?"

[Obama] "The van is a stickshift.  You know I heh ain't man enough to handle heh that."

[Axelrod] "Heh.  OK."

A teenage girl in an old Corolla drives by, the "5 Speed" logo on the trunklid clearly visible.

The Choom Gang gets in the van.  Obama dons his bike helmet.  [Obama] "¡obamanos! "  The van sputters to life and Gang begins their journey.

[Obama] "Heh.  This reminds me of back in heh Indonesia, man.  My buddie had a VW bug that was heh painted up in 'Herbie the Love Bug' colors, heh."

[Plouffe] "Awesome, man.  Heh. Love is awesome. Heh."

[Obama] "Yeah, we'd take a dog with us and go road trippin', heh.  The smoke of the herb would like, heh, totally fill the car.  Man, that smoke would get in, on, and all over everything, heh, 'cuz VW's are like, watertight, man."

[Plouffe] "Whoa. Dude.  Heh."

[Obama] "Then we'd pull over and roast the dog over a bonfire.  We called him Herby the Yum Pug."

Plouffe laughs so hard that water comes out the stem of his bong like the Fountain of Trevi.

[Axelrod] "Man, I wonder what Labrador tastes like.  Heh."

Plouffe again laughs so hard water water comes out the stem of his bong like the Fountain of Trevi.

[Plouffe] "But, heh, I thought dogs were haram in mooselimb countries."

[Obama] "So is heh buggerin' little boys.  But that never slows heh anybody down.  Ya gotta heh understand, that the whole 'haram' thing is heh mostly a construction whereby mooselimbs make themselves out to be all heh holy and heh superior.  Smoking cigarettes is also haram.  But, heh, tell ya what.  You go to Saudi Arabia.  You separate out all the people that chain-smoke Camels from those that don't, heh, and I'll give ya a buck for each non-smoker you can heh find."

[Plouffe] "Heh.  Sounds like a whole lotta work just to get $3."

[Obama] "Heh.  Exactly."

[Axelrod] "Heh.  Camel smoker.  Maybe we should invite the camels to be in our Choom Gang. Heh."

Plouffe again laughs so hard water comes out the stem of his bong like the Fountain of Trevi.  The Choom Gang continues their journey.

[Axelrod, looking up the road] "Heh, man, there's some kind of ruckus up in front of us."

[Obama] "Heh.  Can you describe the ruckus?"

[Axelrod] "Heh.  Looks like some kind of campaign event."

[Obama] "Heh.  I love heh campaign events heh.  Pull over, man."

The Choom Gang de-vans awkwardly, resulting in a pile of human debris that takes a few seconds to regain its feet.

[Romney, addressing crowd from atop campaign stage] "The President's policies are not working.  In fact, the President is a stuttering clusterhump of miserable failure."

Obama, infuriated, scrambles up on stage and snatches the mic from Romney's hands.

[Obama, inches way from Romney, staring eye-to-eye] "I have only heh one heh thing to say to you. *****!!"



****UPDATE:
Linked at IMAO.  Thanks, Harvey!

14 comments:

  1. This is just about the funniest thing I've read all year. Absolutely brilliant. And apparently not that far removed from the actual truth. Holy Big Lewbowski Batman, we've got a stoner as our main political Duderino. Re-erection indeed. He's outta here in November.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Dan. The country is in great hands with Cheech & Chong at the helm!

      Delete
  2. You REALLY make it hard to use my trademark "Heh" in comments ever again. Or is that trademarked by that Reynolds guy?

    And choom? I ran in sorta the same circles (no pun...) as the guys in this passion-play in the way-back and never heard the term before.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I was thinking more of a stoned Beavis & Butthead "heh" than an Instupundit "heh" but I can see how it gets confusing.

    I've been among a LOT of stoners back in my college days and I, too, had never heard "choom" 'til reading about it yesterday. Think it's a Hawaiian thing.

    ReplyDelete
  4. He takes a hit, and then blames Mitt.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's another word that rhymes with "hit" and "Mitt" that could also apply to Obama.

      Delete
  5. Replies
    1. Too many E's. I can tell you're not a real stoner! :)

      Delete
    2. Yeah I am, that was off of a Roof Hit you imbecile.

      Delete
  6. Stupid blogger stole my comment yesterday, and it was insightful, witty, and highly germane.

    Today, you get: most excellent stuff, Inno!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Even weirder: a couple of your comments have ended up in Spam, and I've had to go rescue them. Have you angered The Google?

      Delete
  7. What a long strange trip it's been. And I'm a little worried that you had such easy access to the trip. Don't go native on me. Resist. Do not become a hippie!

    ReplyDelete
  8. You Dick ... you're on a roll Doode! "Herby the Yum Pug" got me too. I had coffee coming out my nose.

    ReplyDelete
  9. this surprises people?! Where else would he have gotten his ideas?!

    ReplyDelete

Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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