Wait..
What?
Is good news even possible? Kinda. But it has to be paired with bad news. You know, Laws of Physics - "equal and opposite reaction" kind of stuff.
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| Pic found here. This is not the noisy kidlet mentioned below, but close enough. |
Now, the bad news: My "screw blogging, I have too WAYYYYY too much BS to deal with" hiatus, combined with zero vocals submitted so far, means I'ma prolly gonna punt on that song project. Connoisseurs of Fine Music and those that value their sense of hearing may not regard this news as "bad."
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The good news: My wife is beautiful and sexy and clever and kinda sneaky. She could probably have a lucrative career as some kind of female James Bond kind of character.
The bad news: The above will NEVER happen, because she can't keep a secret. At all. Ever.
The good news: Because she can't keep a secret, I found out this weekend that she bought me a gun for our 10th anniversary.
The bad news: Our anniversary is in late July. Our FFL friend already has the gun. But I can't have it 'til the anniversary!! Neither wife nor FFL friend will even tell me what kind it is. GRAAAH! Why didn't I marry her in May??!!?!?!!! I can't stannnnnd it!!! She won't even tell me what she paid for it, other than that it is in the range of $X to $(X+200), and within that range are only found Nice Guns. Makes me even more anxious!
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The good news: Financial position has improved enough that I have given notice at my early AM gruntjob. Only question left is whether, on my last day, to leave graciously or to yank the lever on the fire suppression system and run out the door cackling maniacally.
The bad news: Financial position has improved mainly because Mother-in-Law and Brother-in-Law will likely be living with us for the indefinite future. That really isn't as bad as may sound, especially with SDiL and grandkids out. MiL and BiL are helping a lot with household expenses. Basically, I'm trading "early AM horrific toilet splatter and 2nd-degree deep fryer burns" for "letting the in-laws move in for a while." The jury has not yet rendered a verdict, but I think this will turn out to be a favorable trade.
The good news: Max, next time you're coming home from the coast and your dog is in the backseat of the car whining and doing the "hurry up and let me out!" crappy dance, plunk your pooch down right in the middle of the grassy patch in front of the restaurant. I won't care.
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Good news: The pocketknife I wanted went on clearance at Big 5, for barely a third of the cost that it was six months ago.
Bad news: I needed a new pocketknife 'cuz my old one went AWOL about a month ago. I *NEVER* misplace my keys, wallet, wristwatch, or wedding ring. But knives seem to elude me. Drives me nuts. Walking around without a knife sucks. I use 'em all the time. But if I were to replace it immediately, the old one would turn up the next day. So I've waited about a month. Means the other one is probably gone forever. Which is OK, 'cuz if I were to find it, I'd want to carry both. Then I'd be tempted to do a dramatic two-handed quickdraw thing, but my left hand is too uncoordinated and I'd end up in the ER. So, sometimes bad news is really good news in disguise.
Good to have you back sir. And is there even any doubt as to the right thing to do? Yank the lever on the fire suppression system and run out the door!
ReplyDeleteOh, and I'm still waiting, anticipating carly simon, circa 1972 to enter my bedroom.
Good to have you back sir. And is there even any doubt as to the right thing to do? Yank the lever on the fire suppression system and run out the door!
ReplyDeleteOh, and I'm still waiting, anticipating carly simon, circa 1972 to enter my bedroom.
Remember that fruitwad flight attendant who was having a bad day? While waiting on the tarmac he got mad, cussed out the passengers, popped the emergency exit, slid down the inflatable chute and walked off into the sunset. I'd like to do it kinda like that, leaving out the fruitwad part of it.
Delete"Only question left is whether, on my last day, to leave graciously or to yank the lever on the fire suppression system and run out the door cackling maniacally."
ReplyDeleteHold that thought, you might want to hold back, you never know if one day you need to go back hat in hand. :)
"Then I'd be tempted to do a dramatic two-handed quickdraw thing, but my left hand is too uncoordinated and I'd end up in the ER."
Do it slowly at first and pick up speed as time goes by, pretty soon you'll get the hang of it. One can never have too many knives. :)
Thanks for visiting my blog by the way. Hope to see you again soon.
Good idea. I have enough fingers that I could afford to lose one or two while practicing my quick-draw. You'll be seein' me around your place, too.
DeleteI just had a "good news/bad news" conversation with another Oregonian, funny how things happen...
ReplyDeleteOther than the exotic ammo problem, I really would like to own the FN Five Seven...or at least borrow it.
Zee FN vould be cool, ja. But I'm kinda hopin' for a 1911. When money got tight a while back, I sold my Gold Cup. I miss not having a 1911 around.
DeleteI could never be as kind hearted as you. Your wife is right, you deserve that gun.
ReplyDeleteJust like David Lee Roth didn't "feel tardy" I don't "feel kind hearted" but I thank ya for the kind words, regardless.
DeleteIgnore Right Wing Theocrat, and go with the maniacal cackling. Grunt jobs rarely if ever produce decent referrals. Better left off of resume's.
ReplyDeleteDuring your exit, make sure you bad-mouth the manager's mama and her combat boots, they like it when you do that.
Definitely not a resume enhancer. Well, it would show an employer that I have a very high BS tolerance. That might help under certain circumstances.
DeleteSorry to hear about all your chaotic drama. At least it seems like your over the worst of it now. Glad to hear you don't need to work at your second job anymore.
ReplyDeleteThanks. I may even have time more time now, and keep up with blogs I like - yours, for example.
DeleteThis is mostly good news, eh? I'd NOT do the fire-suppression thang, if only because of lawsuit avoidance, or an unpleasant encounter with law enforcement officials.
ReplyDeleteI'm able to keep track of knives just fine. The only time I've ever "lost" one was in a titty bar in Old Mexico, wherein the bouncers "held" it for me until I left. But I was so drunk when I left I forgot to ask for it back. I've had the same Victorinox "Executive" (a small(er) Swiss Army) in my pocket for about 15 years now. TMI? Mebbe.
Aw, there you go getting all rational on me again! :)
DeleteDid you forget the knife, or did the bouncers just rip the drunk gringo off?
Both. I remembered where I left it the next morning and went back to retrieve it but the bouncers suddenly didn't understand a word of English. The bastards.
DeleteCongratulations on escaping the fryer with only second-degree burns! Be careful, however, when leaving - you go running out the back door, you just could get taken out by a granny screaming in pain from the hot coffee she dumped into her lap, hitting the accelerator, and caroming off the garbage-bin corral. Best to make a dignified and quiet exit, I suspect. And thanks for the heads-up: dog may be happy (though if Obama's in the neighborhood, we won't stop - or even slow down).
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of whom - he wasted no time inviting the new Socialist president of France to the White House. Apparently, the wife of the new president is nicknamed "the Rottweiler". Obama's stomach just growled.
I used to carry a pocket-knife, but my Leatherman has a case that clips into my belt, so I'm less likely to lose it. Tim the inventor was selling them years ago at Saturday Market for $15. I'm sure they sell for much more than that, now.
So where did SDIL++ go, assuming that Marys River didn't suddenly acquire three new residents...maybe that explains why you can't see the gun until a couple of months from now. I believe that's known as a "cooling off period". ;-)
SDiL++ is in a good place. Above water. I also have a Gerber (wannabe Leatherman) that's pretty cool. I screwed up the engraving on it years ago and and had to buy another and try again. So the buggered-up one became mine. Funny how engravers "acquire" neat items that the engraving got "accidentally" messed up on. :)
ReplyDeleteSOOO glad the early AM grunt job is disappearing in the rearview! You did get some petty decent blog fodder out of it, t hough! I vote with inviting extra dogs to fertilize the lawn.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to find out about your new boomstick! I'm hoping maybe to get one for our anniversary myself (Juse) -- Pepper's handguns are just a little too powerful for me. Baton Rouge has had my Concealed Carry applilcation for 2 weeks now -- I'm getting a little antsy!
The lady singing has some AWESOME man legs. Seriously if those beauties were hairy I'd have mistaken her for... John Lennon? Nah he had "Fag's Blond" hair. Ok if John Lennon had brown hair and Carly Simon had glasses that looked like something John Lennon would wear Carly Simon would look like John Lennon. Or if Carly Simon had "Fag's Blond" hair and glasses that look like something Jo... BLAH. Too long. anyway you know what I'm saying. She'd look EXACTLY like John Lennon if she looked EXACTLY like John Lennon. HER LEGS LOOK LIKE MAN LEGS! There.
ReplyDeleteYou seem almost giddy. I thought maybe you'd been captured by a Bigfoot or something.
ReplyDeleteInno, congrats on being able to drop the early morning job. Seriously!
ReplyDeleteSounds like a good trade to me.
Glad things are looking up!
Good luck with all the changes coming your way. I hope the future is much better for you, Inno.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't stand whiny kids living w/ me either, relatives or not.